Something happens to a woman around the age of forty….. If she’s very lucky, she re-connects with herself. And never mind mid life crisis, a phrase coined by those nervous about what is really happening, we are talking renaissance!! My dictionary only lists the noun Renaissance man, well move over, Renaissance woman has just entered the building.
I like to think I rose, like a phoenix, from the embers of a burnt out marriage. There is not a lot I want to say about the detail of why my marriage ended. It was a long drawn out process that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I came within an inch of losing myself but was pulled back from the brink in a well known department store. In the middle of choosing the perfect side plate, I suddenly stopped and became aware of the sadness of the surrounding scene. It felt as if I was in the middle of the set of ‘Stepford Wives’. What on earth had happened to all these women? Had everyone swapped the pursuit of perfect sex for the pursuit of perfectly co-ordinated tea towels? Had we all lost the art of being a woman and replaced it with the art of multi tasking (which is surely shorthand for doing a lot of things not very well)?
This experience made me question the person I had become and, more importantly, who I really was. I concluded that it was impossible for me to reach my potential in any part of my life from the confines of my marriage. Strangely, at the time, the obvious first step was to book an afternoon with one of the finest Burlesque artists in the business. A story perhaps for another time but, without question, the best money I’ve ever spent! I left that dance studio in Maida Vale feeling that the missing pieces had been restored to my soul and I was ready to face the world on my terms and walk the difficult path I had chosen. I was helped by a host of angels in the guise of friends and family and one very special man, from this very special site.
Our first meeting was at a bar of his choice in central London. There was something about him, something underlying. It wasn’t immediate or obvious but it meant I wanted to see him again. Our second and third meetings were lunches at my favourite Burlesque club in the City. No burlesque on show at lunchtimes, but just the right atmosphere for intimate conversations. As we talked I found myself wriggling in my seat and gripping the edges of the chair, to stop myself acting on the overwhelming desire to get up and touch him. I came away knowing I had a connection with this man that could lead to a myriad of possibilities.
Not surprisingly, our next meeting was at a wonderful little hotel in the heart of Soho. I shall always remember the thrill of hearing the knock on the bedroom door and the anticipation as Renaissance woman opened it. The hours that followed established the blueprint to a world that we both visited many times over the next year and a half. He never became part of my everyday existence and I was never part of his, although we were in touch daily. What we created became a sanctuary for both of us and with it the realisation that if I had found this, why would I compromise with anything less. This knowledge propelled me to change everything about my life. I left my husband and set up my own home with my children. I completely changed career. I’m doing a Masters degree and do you know what, all this upheaval has led to my nirvana…….. contentment.
As for that special man, circumstances in his life stalled our adventure and I walked away. We almost met up again recently. He was worried about going backwards though. I saw it more as re-visiting a favourite holiday destination. So perhaps that shows we are no longer in sync. While we were, it was perfect.
Renaissance woman has the capacity to carry into her future, all the love she has felt and it makes her stronger. The future is exciting because we step into it with all the experience we have acquired to guide us. There is the thrill of not knowing who you might meet or the opportunities that may present themselves. You also leave some people behind although I try not to completely close any doors. I have been fortunate enough to have spent time with people who have had a real impact on my life and for that I will never be sad something is over but glad it happened.
By Three wishes
