We all have mothers; some or us are mothers, some of us mother others (or pets) and some of us prefer not to cultivate the maternal in us. I am about to become one. And yes, I am rather scared all of a sudden – even though it’s a bit late to back out now.
For those of you who’ve ever had a baby will know what it’s like those last days – that can turn into weeks – of waiting. That weird in-limbo state just before your life is about to change for ever, irreversibly. Not knowing when it will happen, how fast it will happen, how painfully it will happen (I mean there’s bound to be pain, right?) and whether you will actually want to be that new person you are about to transform into.
Then there are all those things you allegedly ‘need’: breast milk pump (more pain…), car seat that converts into baby carrier, pram that is so huge it doesn’t fit into car, cot or Moses basket, long sleeved bodies for baby, short-sleeved bodies etc etc. Without even being born yet, the poor little mite is fuelling the consumer-based economy and adding to our Western plastic waste problem. I thought babies just needed love.
Then there is the family to deal with, speak mother-in-law who in my case always knows best because procreating offspring is after all what she did with her last 25 years. When J met my mother the first time he thought the English term was ‘mother-in-love’ (bless his Spanish heart) but when I met his, well…..it sure wasn’t love at first sight. We disagree on the basic fundamentals of life. Maybe the fact that I’m only five years younger than her doesn’t help.
But it could.
Imagine if your younger man’s mother could be your friend. There could be so many advantages:
1) You could go shopping together (although you will be four sizes smaller than her because she had seven children and you’ve starved half your adult life. Also don’t expect her to buy you anything because you’ll have more cash).
2) She will get all the ‘Donny Osmond’, ‘Magic Roundabout’, ‘Wham!’ and ‘John Travolta’ (when he was thin) references that go right over the top of his cute, curly-haired head (unless she’s from Spain, as in my case).
3) She will be able to share your face-cream if she ever spends the night (are you crazy letting her sleep over?) and exchange tips on fighting wrinkles/where to find the best plastic surgeon.
4) She can tell you masses about his quaint, embarrassing childhood moments and you will be able to laugh (like hyenas) together for hours.
There are other distinct advantages to your lover having a ‘young’ mother because it means he was brought up by a more liberated type of woman. He is a beautiful by-product of what our mothers and grandmothers fought so hard for. Whether or not your younger man was raised by a real, right-on ‘sister’, he will have a certain awareness that only came to men raised post bra-burning. J was not pampered in any way, on the contrary he was asked to help around the house, make lunch for his siblings, wash his own socks and take on mundane chores previously reserved for the girls. He doesn’t take his mother or any other woman for granted. In fact he fights for rights I didn’t even realize I had.
Oh yes, and he also gives rather good foot rubs.
So of course I will also be raising my ‘girl power’ t-shirt to breastfeed, literally ramming the message down my little boy’s throat. But whether that will make me a good mother (and one day mother-in-law) remains to be seen.
For more information and an excerpt from Claudia’s latest book go to: http://www.andrewlownie.co.uk/
