A few weeks ago I read an article on Tech Insider on dating apps. There was one para that struck me:

“The most annoying part about dating apps or sites is breaking the ice. I have a hundred matches sitting in my Tinder app who I haven’t talked to for this reason alone — nobody wants to make the first move, or have their opening line derided for being lame, or be ignored for being unimaginative.”

That is so true. Certainly, from anecdotal evidence that first exchange can fall off really easily into the icy wastes of no communication, or into the bland pool of ‘Hey, how’s your week?’ which requires zero thought, effort or . Is is hard to know what to say when you want to contact them and start a conversation.

The American app Hinge has collected some US data on he best openers and icebreakers which you can read here. However there has been no research done in the UK, and we Brits have a different approach to our friends over the other side of the pond, which entails a little more humour and irony. When I first launched TBW in 2007 there was a forum and the witty men most definitely got the ladies interested and it was a sure-fire way to get a date:

Recently I’ve been asking friends what has worked for them. Let’s analyse three responses (these are either one-liners on profiles or icebreakers):

“I’m lean and mean and have some questionable tattoos” from Sam, who found that he got a good response from that one-liner.

By saying ‘I’m lean and mean’ he is saying ‘I’m attractive’. If he said just that, it might come across as arrogant and therefore unfriendly, but he softens it with ‘I have some questionable tattoos’. By using questionable he admits he may have made some mistakes with his body art, and so shows his vulnerability and at the same time is subliminally drawing your attention to his body. Clever Sam!

Christian used a classic ‘You look like trouble! Are you?’ Trouble translates as Sexy in men’s lingo, which doesn’t really work the other way round as women tend to mean it literally when used about men. So it really means ‘You look sexy, are you up for it?’ It seems to work well and it’s a positive start.

Lastly, Sorbé, who will be blogging for me on this subject on wesee-i2i.co.uk where I intend to collect and publish what works best in the UK, used ‘I’m a nightmare…ask my ex’ as she got so fed up with the bland and boring. She reckoned the ones that got the joke would share her sense of humour and the ones that said ‘I’m sure you’re not that bad’ would be hard work. So she used a witty line as a filter and it worked.

I’d love your feedback on the best lines or icebreakers you have used or ones that have been used on you. Please go to wesee-i2i.co.uk and fill in the questionnaire. If you sign up to the newsletter as well, you’ll get regular feedback on what works for other people.

Thanks!

Julia Macmillan

@wesee_i2i

The post Best icebreakers for that first exchange to make you stand out from the crowd appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

When I was younger I always hated hearing the words: ‘If I knew at your age the things I know now…’ Well?? I thought, can’t you just tell me?!

Now I’m 40, I know what this phrase really means, but I still have some words of wisdom to share. Hear are the 10 most important things…

1. It’s OK to be wrong

When we were in our teens and twenties, even our thirties, it was uncool to be wrong, and embarrassing. Now I know it’s inevitable, and that’s just fine.

2. It’s OK to be alone

Relationships and friendships in our younger days seemed all-consuming affairs. If we were ever alone, it meant the relationship/friendship was failing somehow. Now it’s a sign we’ve grown and trust the relationship. It’s also OK not to be in one at all.

3. It’s OK to say no

Being unable to say no as our younger selves set us up for unnecessary unhappiness. It’s always OK to say no.

4. It’s OK to be immature

In our teens and twenties, we were always trying to prove that we were adult, so immaturity was frowned upon. However, in our forties, we know that we still have a long way to go and a lot to learn and it’s fine to admit that.

5. It’s OK to be grown up

And it’s ok to act in control of your grown up self, if you are.

6. It’s OK to be playful

After all, playing is good. The older we get, the more we realise that children know so much more about enjoyment than we do.

7. It’s OK to rest

Yes, it is acceptable to rest and do nothing. Our teen/20/30 year-old selves would have been better placed to learn that years ago.

8. It’s OK to be right

Pretending to be wrong to keep the status quo, or keeping silent about it when you’re right, is people pleasing. In our 40s, we’re starting to learn what a waste of time this is.

9. It’s OK to shine

We were all made to shine in our various ways, yet so many younger people hide their light. People need to see your light, so go ahead and shine!

10. It’s OK to be children to our parents

To our parents, we will always be children. That can be annoying, and it can be wonderful. Especially when we need a cuddle.

What have the years taught you? Let me know in the comments

The post 10 Things I Took 40 Years To Learn appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

I believe that being in a relationship gives you important life experience. It helps you grow. A lot of the life lessons I’ve learned have been during a relationship. But what happens when the partner in crime decides to break up? I’ve seen this happen to friends a few times. A distinct pattern shows to repeat itself over and over again.

The five stages of a breakup:

1.    Denial

It’s just a minor bump in the road. They know that the uncertainty about the relationship that their newly ex felt was just a minor passing emotion, and they’ll be back together over the weekend again. Why not just enjoy a beer with the guys and watch the game?

You will notice that they don’t talk much about things during this stage. It’s like someone accidently found their snooze-button. Their mind wanders off and you are just left with an agreeing cassette player on repeat. Uh-hum.. Uh-hum..

2.    Anger

Meet Mr. Hyde. It’s comical listening to them explain all the flaws of their ex as they are being very overdramatic about it. “She has all kinds of weird combinations of spreads and cold cuts on her sandwich, and she’s ALWAYS chewing with her mouth open! I hope she chokes on her next raisin-mayo-banana sandwich”.

You don’t recognise the person they are talking about, but don’t worry, this is fortunately a passing stage. Given enough time they’ll return to their normal selves (somewhere in between the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities), just the way we like them. Sane! But before that, they have more stages to stop by.

3.    Bargaining

Meet Dr. Jekyll. They believe that they can save the relationship. ONE CHANCE is all they need to make things perfect again! By God this will be the LAST time you’ll EVER see them leaving that toilet seat up! They even go to such great lengths in this that offering to do all the chores for the next three years seems completely reasonable.

I’ve seen this situation happen over and over again. They completely lose all rationality and cannot be reasoned with at all! Suddenly she is the woman of their lives, who they want children with. They would even go and buy tampons for her if she needed them!

4.    Depression

Somehow they have come to the conclusion that they have absolutely no friends at all. Their life no longer exists (it’s like they have entered Limbo for you Inception fans out there). They believe you are just visiting to be polite, not because you consider them as being a friend.

You try to help them by saying “There are more fish in the sea”, “You are too good for her anyway” and I’ve even tried improvising a few metaphor-like lines without any success. They are prepared to die alone at the age of 20.

5.    Acceptance

Despite all they have been through, they finally realise that they actually had a life before the relationship. They even had friends! They might get some flashbacks in situations that remind them of the past, but they get by. There are plenty more fish in the sea after all.

We have all been through this in some way or another. It’s hard, but it’s just the way of life. When you are past this process, you can start to reflect and learn from it. You know about things you did which didn’t work, and other things that really worked. This is all experience you take with you into your next relationship.

Written by Neon

The post 5 Stages of a Break Up appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Must be six foot, successful, hold a graduate degree and an organic produce garden. Must not be overly-religious, overly-attached to his mother or overly-tattooed. Sound familiar? Chuck out that checklist and try something new! Don’t be afraid and most importantly don’t limit yourself – we need to stop being so picky. Even if such a man did exist that met all of our unrealistic demands he wouldn’t challenge you and what you are looking for may not be what you need anymore. In fact many women haven’t altered their ‘type’ checklist since about sixteen! We should alter what we look for as we grow so the man is in line with our new goals and lifestyle.

A brilliant man by the name of Albert Einstein once said that “The definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result”. Why are we dating the same sort of guy repetitively and expecting something new? If this ‘type’ isn’t having positive effects in your life, rethink, maybe you are dating the wrong type and you should date someone who is the antithesis of what you usually go for. Not only will this rid you of dating déjà vu but dating new kinds of people can help you experience a whole new world and the opportunity to grow as a person. An example of this is my friend Lucy. She was a quiet woman who always went for assertive extroverts. She is now dating a younger, shyer guy and finds freedom in the fact that she doesn’t rely on someone to speak up for her. This new-found assertiveness has enriched her life and ultimately helped her to discover that it doesn’t really matter so much about the man but whether you feel more comfortable in yourself around him.

A way of breaking out of your comfort zone that has gained momentum in recent years is that of dating a toyboy. Initially many women are skeptical but after meeting these toyboys on sites like Toyboy Warehouse they report feeling younger, learning more culturally and have a refreshed, more future-focused outlook on life. In comparison to their previous ‘types’ of men, these women feel more revitalised and renewed.

You might love it, you might even hate it and cement the fact that yes, you were right to avoid artists for example – deciding that they are in fact completely bat-sh*t crazy! But isn’t that what life is about? Learning through experiences and taking these risks?

Written by Sarah from Team TBW and published as part of our 30 Blogs for 30 Days campaign, aimed at challenging preconceptions about dating.

The post Why you should scrap your ‘type’ appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

As the name suggests, there are a lot of guys on Toyboy Warehouse. I have spoken to some amazing ones, some weirdos and some I never actually got the opportunity to meet! I intend to discuss the latter in order to shed some light on the minefield that is modern dating, but also in the hope of reassuring myself that it’s not just me! I am the first to admit I arrange a lot of dates. I love meeting guys but, in honesty, probably arrange a surplus to cover myself a bit. Recently I have been let down three times – by three different guys! To protect the identities of these charming fellows I shall from here on refer to them as frogs, as you’ve allegedly got to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.

Frog No. 1 was far more excited about the prospect of meeting than I was. Clearly eagerness means nothing as on the day he texted saying he’d ‘had a bad day’ so couldn’t make it. Excuses, excuses… I tried rearranging, but we haven’t spoken since.

Frog No. 2 was younger than my usual type but he really persevered (he once spent a whole day calling me every 5 minutes) so I gave him a chance. We arranged a date and when I tried to confirm a time he had disappeared without a trace.

Frog No. 3 at least had the decency to turn up. I briefly spotted him once he arrived but presumably he was so nervous and scared that he got straight back on the bus and went home.

That’s three frogs in four days and absolutely no princes.

What is particularly irritating is that I wasn’t particularly interested in any of these men; they were the ones pursuing me! It’s not like these frogs just wasted 10 minutes whilst I waited, there is preparation involved! In the hope of minimising the chances of this happening in the future, please heed my following advice:

It’s not you, it’s them: I never actually met any of the guys so I can only assume that they lost their bottle at the last minute. Perhaps they are losers, too ashamed to leave behind their enhanced online façade. Perhaps their wives wouldn’t let them out that evening – I probably dodged a bullet! A prince would never behave like this, so clearly they weren’t right for you.

Meet up sooner rather than later: Don’t waste time chatting for weeks and investing lots into the relationship, only to realise that you’re not compatible in person. Or worse, discover one of you is too nervous about the idea of a real encounter. Arrange a date, or even a skype chat or phone call if you’re not quite ready.

Start small: Rather than agreeing to a larger commitment of dinner, arrange to go out for one round of drinks. This will reduce the pressure of the first date so they will be less intimidated. As well as allowing you an excuse to leave quickly, should they not be as you expected! Anyway, If the date goes well you can always extend drinks to appetisers, dinner and even a coffee.

The guys I have met through Toyboy Warehouse have, in general, been less flakey than those met through other sites. Whilst there is always this element of risk involved with online dating, without taking that plunge I wouldn’t’ve had some great dates and met some even better guys.

So, a final remark to the guys – be brave, we are worth it! And ladies. Remember, stay positive, have fun and your prince is out there somewhere, we just have to keep looking!

This blog was written by guest blogger Jupiter Salamander. Join in the discussion on Facebook or in the comments below.

The post The Frog Blog: Tips to Find your Prince appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and that doesn’t leave you much time to get a date. That’s the bad news. The good news is, it can still be done, as long as you act quickly and efficiently. If you are still in the market for a Valentine’s Day date, take heart – and then take action. Here is what you need to do to get the ball rolling, find your date, and make plans for the most romantic night of the year.

Step 1: Get Out There

If you want a date, you first need to get yourself out into the dating scene to find a potential match. Dress for success, make sure that you are clean and well-groomed, and visit your favourite bar or pub, or wherever the most eligible singles tend to congregate in your area. Once you arrive, immediately stake out the scene. Identify two or three potential targets, and prepare to meet your match.
Step 2: Make Contact

Now that you have a few potential targets in mind, it is time to make your move. Do not wait for “the right time;” this will only serve to make you more nervous and allow for other potential suitors to move in. Make eye contact a few times – if they are interested, they will return your eye contact and potentially smile at you. Walk over and talk to them, sticking with neutral, positive subjects. Be a good listener and look for things you have in common.
Step 3: Look for Signals

During your conversation, look for non-verbal cues that the object of your affection is interested in you. Positive signs include casual touches, eye contact, smiling, playing with their hair or watch and rapid blinking. In contrast, people who are not interested may give you short answers to your question and turn their bodies away from you – if this happens, it’s time to move on to your next target.
Step 4: Make Plans

This is the time to officially ask them out. Begin by asking if they have plans for Valentine’s Day. If not, ask them out for dinner and/or a movie. Don’t do something too over the top or romantic, because after all, they barely know you. Instead, keep things light and fun. Have a location and movie in mind ahead of time to avoid the discomfort of jointly trying to decide where to go and what to see.
Step 5: Make Your Exit

After you’ve made your plans and have swapped contact information, it’s time to move on. Don’t linger and wait for them to change their mind. Instead, go ahead and leave the area, and take the time to get tickets and reservations ahead of Valentine’s Day. When the night arrives, be on time, but not early or late, and make sure that you greet them with a smile on your face.
If all goes well, your Valentine’s Day date will be the start of something great. Be sure to follow up a few days after to ask them out again if you both have a nice time together.

This blog post was written by James Preece, the UK’s top Dating Coach

The post How to Get a Date in Time for Valentine’s Day appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

I was incensed recently when on another ‘regular’ dating website I received a generic email from it’s owner, laying down the law about approaching people on his site that were younger than you. In his ignorance he had used an example of an older man approaching a younger woman (it was as if the reverse of this had not even occurred to him!) He then stipulated the magic number of 15 years making it impossible for anyone above this magic number approaching someone younger than them by any more than that. So approaching a person of say 15 years and 3 months younger than you would be impossible as your efforts would be blocked and vetoed!!

I was bemused, apparently he was trying to make the site more about relationships and less about ‘hook ups’ (his words). So by definition he was saying that age gap relationships (well those of 15 years or more) would only ever be about sexual encounters. The man must be a clairvoyant if he is able to be so accurate in his predictions.

Age gaps were only one of many areas he was restricting and I have yet to find out whether he has in fact put his plans into action. I wrote him a fairly stiff reply and as yet am awaiting on an answer.  In the meantime my profile with the bold heading of ‘Looking for a devoted toyboy’ remains unaltered but my affection for the site is now marred.

Had his dictatorial edict been in place a few years ago I would not have met two lovely guys, one of whom remains in my affections to this day. Yes! The age gap was in fact twice the magic number 15 (oh dear) and yes I hesitated and questioned myself. But after numerous phone conversations I agreed to an afternoon drink.  I was struck immediately by his youth (20) and my inner voice was telling me that he probably was too young.  But the afternoon passed in interesting conversation and by the end of it the chemistry was off the Richter scale.

Nevertheless I was resigned to not progressing it further, even though the saying “old head on young shoulders” was never more apt.  As we said our good byes I remained resolute until he kissed me.  As my stomach left the room…somersaulted twice and then floated away into the ether, I was visibly shaken.  But I stuck to my guns, showed him the door and then pondered.

He text me afterwards and was keen to meet again. I dithered and deliberated and weeks passed and then one night I stopped fighting with myself and we had date two. Suffice to say It was mind blowing. Our relationship blossomed as did our affection and remains in place to some degree today, and yes ladies the sex was breathtaking.

Now according to that particular ‘traditional’ dating website owner I would not have been allowed this wonderful experience.  No we aren’t getting married or even going to live together but does that lessen the experience we had?  Dating is all about people! meeting people, talking to people, having sex with people. And just to clarify ‘people’ come in all sizes all shapes and all age groups. Attraction is an awkward bugger and unfortunately it doesn’t count calories, inches or age gaps.

So when you meet someone you are attracted to, don’t let people’s preconceived prejudices or judgments put you off.  Seize the moment and take a chance.  You might discover like I did that you can find love in the most unsuitable of places. Thank god for free choice and websites like Toyboy Warehouse!

This blog was written by ‘GBird‘ a member of Toyboy Warehouse and author of Sex and the Signposts.

*Admin Note:

As a result of recent restrictions on other dating sites, we’re proud to announce that we have extended our upper age limit from 70 to 79.

No matter your shape, size or age you can find love, lust or romance on Toyboy Warehouse.

The post How low would you go? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

What do you call a woman over 40 who’s attracted to younger guys? Yup. You’ve got it. ‘Cougar’.

I don’t know about ‘birds do it, bees do it’, but it certainly seems that an increasing number of female celebrities are doing it.

From something that once only made the lurid end of the media spectrum (“I’m 81 and my husband’s 18!”), it’s now impossible to check out a red carpet without finding a sleek and glamorous 40/50/60-something with a younger man on her arm.

From Julianne Moore to Jennifer Lopez, to the high-priestess of sex herself Madonna, to the perennial poster-child of cougars everywhere Demi Moore, those toned bodies and that expensive hair are impossible to ignore.

Also hard to ignore are the articles explaining why more and more men like older women. It’s because they’re financially sorted, fashionably sophisticated and confidently in control. Or they’re in a bar (dressed well below their age and being ‘raucous with their friends‘) with, quite frankly, little compunction in dragging you off to have their wicked way with you.

Phew.

It’s a teeny bit intimidating. It’s also a huge amount to live up to.

(And, don’t tell anyone about this, right? Because, between just you and me .. I don’t.)

(Sigh…)

OK; if you squint, I might look the part (oh, cheap box of hair dye, how I love you). And I’m wholly guilty of dressing in clothes designed for someone much, much younger (age 13-14 skinny jeans, FTW! No, wait, that’s not what they mean, is it?)

Being stereotyped as an ‘experienced, sexy, sophisticated’ older woman is .. well, let me put it this way; I’m more likely to be found lingering in a library than lounging in lingerie. My version of ‘sophisticated’ means I’ve recently stopped tucking my napkin into my neckline. And the closest I get to international travel is cruising the ‘around the world’ food aisle at Sainsbury’s.

In fact, I’m so much of a not-cougar that when I joked with a guy that he should ‘return me to the store’ and ask for a refund .. gentle reader, he actually DID that (lesson learnt: never even JOKE about that kind of sh!t, people.)

With the number of age-gap relationships increasing year-on-year, and the notion of such partnerships becoming the norm amongst us ‘civilians’, I’m planting a flag in the sand here, folks. Standing up for the quieter kitty. Yup, that’s right. Championing less claws, and more curiosity. Less cougar, and much more Felis Domesticus.

Because this lady’s feline fine about preferring younger guys. Just don’t label her as a cougar. OK?

This blog was written by a Toyboy Warehouse community member.

So are you a Cougar or a Kitty? Join in the discussion below or on our facebook page.

The post I am Cougar. Hear me… Meow? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Dear All,

As many members would have noticed, Toyboy Warehouse has started making some very exciting changes to the website. Here is exactly what’s happening and the plans over the coming weeks.

All new Premium

This week we have totally changed our upgrade packages to be simpler, more powerful and provide better value than ever before!

Instead of previously choosing between Silver and Gold, we’ve combined the two to create the all-new ‘Premium’ package.

Premium members can enjoy full access to Toyboy Warehouse and use our new simple subscription system giving full flexibility to control their membership from the logged in homepage.

Find out more about the new user permissions here.

New Look Design

Next week you will start noticing gradual changes in how Toyboy Warehouse looks.

After speaking to many members, we’re excited to be giving TBW a little nip and tuck in the form of easier navigation and a more friendly design.

TBW’s facelift will be an on going process over the coming months and as always we look forward to hearing your thoughts.

More Members

As well as working with several press agencies, we have placed a much stronger focus on advertising to new members.

We’re pleased to see new sign ups double within just one week and excited to continue to extend our campaigns over the coming weeks.

Keep an eye out for new members in your area.

Better Matches

We’ve been tweaking our matching algorithms to bring you more and better matches. This is a continued effort and we will soon be introducing a new and exciting way to discover more people on Toyboy Warehouse. Keep your eyes peeled for this in the next few months.

New Mailing System

We are in the process of switching our email provider to offer you more control over the emails you receive. Sadly, this week we have been experiencing technical issues hence the reason for the delay in this update. All users will be emailed a full update as soon as the system is back online.

Functionality

We’re making a continued effort to provide the best possible experience for our members. We are currently improving our messaging system and chat facility. Although this is a large technical undertaking we are treating it as a priority.

Events

It’s been a while since our last official Toyboy Warehouse event. After speaking with many members, it is obvious that people are keen to start meeting people on and off the site.

We are currently planning events in London, Essex, Birmingham & Manchester and would love your help! If you are in either one of these locations and have any ideas or would like to get involved please contact [email protected]

We really appreciate the continued support from all of Toyboy Warehouse’s amazing members. Thank you.

All the best,

AdminMike

The post Admin Update: TBW Changes appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson. A 2003 survey conducted by the National Association of Retired Persons revealed that one-third of single women between 40 and 60 are dating younger men, qualifying as ‘cougars’.

Brenda Dos Santos laughs, “I’m the poster child for the ‘Urban Cougar’ trend. I’m 46 and only date boys in their 20s and 30s…I love all the attention I get from them. They try harder and are not cynical or spoiled by bad past relationships.” Like many women who consciously seek out younger men, the San Francisco publicist is a refugee from an early bad marriage. The divorced mother of two finds men her age “kinda tired. They can’t keep up with me.” These days Brenda is content to “just have fun sampling all types of hot young men.”

Susan Coss explains her own predilection for young men: “They provide more creative excitement: Like me they have diverse interests in theater, music, and film, and look beyond what’s on the New York Times best seller list.” Equally appealing for the never-married 41-year-old San Francisco account executive: “Guys in this age group seem less obsessed with their careers and the roles men are supposed to play in a relationship. An older guy can be more of a child than a young one.” Translation: An ex close to her age lost this lady because he placed his needs well above hers. For the past year, Susan has been happily dating a 30-year-old. She echoes Urban Cougar Brenda, “We have fun.”

Women like Susan and Brenda no longer worry about society viewing them as “cradle robbers” for snatching up younger men in an era when online dating sites like gocougar.com and thecougarconnection.com are geared exclusively toward facilitating these intergenerational hook-ups. As syndicated sex advice columnist Dan Savage wrote in his blog on chemistry.com, “Older women/younger man couples have always existed but used to be barely tolerated and rarely acknowledged. People today are less threatened by difference and more open to discussing what makes people happy.”

Meet Today’s “Younger Man”

If The Graduate were to be updated, the Dustin Hoffman character would be less pounced-upon and more of an equal-opportunity pouncer: A poll conducted by the online dating service mate1.com found that 65 percent of men in their 20s actively seek out women who are older by five years or more. Why the preference for a seasoned mate? As one poll respondent explained, “An older woman has seen it all, compared to a twenty-something.”

Thirty-five-year-old John Garber, who dates women 10 to 15 years his senior, elaborates: “Older women are sassy, bold, cerebral, know how to express themselves, know what they like, are good conversationalists, and are incredibly delicious lovers.” According to the New York banker, “These things are a turn on.”

Speaking of turn-ons, those women afraid of showing their cellulite to a years-younger hardbody should heed the words of Dan DeMartino, a 28-year-old Arizona entrepreneur: “Sure, younger women have better bodies, but older ones are better lovers because of experience. Oddly, they usually have more energy as well.” Dan concludes, “The brain is the most important sex organ, and as long as I connect with a partner, the sex is good to great.”

Pros and Cons

Some people find the term “cougar” offensive, while what others consider derogatory is not the word but rather the idea that older women “go after” younger men. Valerie Gibson, author of Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men, has said, “I don’t see these condemnations as valid. I see them as only aimed at women — putting down older women and trying to control them.”

What do you feel about the word ‘cougar‘?

The post Mrs Robinson, Cougar or just a Woman? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.