It’s as apparent on the streets as it is between the sheets; everything’s now casual. Why wear a shirt and tie when a t-shirt’s deemed more suitable, and why tie yourself to just one person when you can try a whole wardrobe of lovers on for size?

Traditionally, both God and social science brought multiple reasons for hitching your wagon long-term, as Sam Diss in The Shortlist points out;

“.. according to a study in 2012, bachelors had a 24% higher risk of dying of cancer than married men and a 2011 investigation found married couples were 10 to 15% less likely to die prematurely. According to yet more studies, loneliness can be “as deadly as diabetes”. 

.. “In the book of Genesis, God says to Adam, ‘It is not good for man to be alone’, and then he made Eve.”

So we’re getting married because the big bloke upstairs said we should?

“Stability is a key benefit, too. Marriage is what’s best for raising children.”

For older women, finding someone to raise children with is no longer an issue. And for toyboys, it’s a relief not to have weddings and babies looming in the distance like a storm waiting to ruin a perfectly fun summer’s day.

But does this mean casual is the new black? Quite possibly. While it’s not for everyone, studies have shown that it’s not what you do but why you do it that counts. To go all method actor on you; what’s your motivation? Because, as Zhana Vrangalova Ph.D (the brains behind The Casual Sex Project) writes in her Strictly Casual column for Psychology Today,

“ .. when we do things for the “right” reasons, our well-being flourishes. When we do those exact same things for the “wrong” reasons, our well-being suffers. What are right and wrong reasons? 

Autonomous (“Right”) motives:

• Wanting the fun and enjoyment.
• Wanting to explore and learn about your sexuality.
• Believing it is an important experience to have.

Nonautonomous (“Wrong”) Motives:

• Wanting to feel better about yourself or to avoid other unpleasant feelings.
• Wanting to please someone else (e.g., your partner or friends).
• Wanting to get a favor, material reward, or revenge.
• Hoping it would lead to a long-term relationship.

• Not actually wanting to hook up, but being somehow tricked or coerced into it, or too intoxicated to make a responsible decision.

Ultimately, good casual sex comes down to respect; both for yourself and for your partners. As Barbara Ellen notes in The Guardian,

“This means recognising, as decent human beings tend to do .. that in every single sexual situation, both parties have (or should have) an unwritten, but necessary and complex, “duty of care” to each other. That, as well as what’s happening physically, there are the all-important grey areas on the emotional peripheries of sex where mutual trust and respect are key and non-negotiable .. When this baseline is achieved, and only then, it becomes irrelevant how casual the sex is.”

When it comes to being casual, trust and respect are still smart; being classy never goes out of fashion.

The post Goodbye Monogamy? | Is Together Gone Forever? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

The temperature’s dropping and the jumpers are piling on; winter’s definitely here. The best way to keep warm? Snuggling up with a hot toyboy or cougar. But how can you ensure your date goes with a bang rather than a damp squib? Here are our top tips for cold-weather adventures

1. Get your skates on

Outdoor ice skating rinks pop up everywhere by mid November, and there’s nothing better than a slippery surface to ensure your date holds onto you.

Keep it classy with treats from Fortnum & Mason at Skate at Somerset House, get historic at the Tower of London Ice Rink, or skate beneath the skyscrapers at Ice Rink Canary Wharf. In no time at all you’ll be flushed from making loveable fools of yourself, plus the adrenaline from those near-falls makes people fall in love faster, don’t ya know.

2. Sweeten them up

It’s the perfect weather to sod the diet and indulge in a damn fine cup of hot chocolate. But a wishy-washy cup of something saccharine from a vending machine will NOT do, people.

Your average high-street-chain coffee shop isn’t much better, either; while it’s a great option if you’re tight on time, it doesn’t elevate you from the pack. So check out The Londonist’s excellent guide to amazing hot chocolates from around the capital and sniff out some top-notch insider knowledge. Or, if you’re feeling really flush, head straight to the daddy of them all; Cafe Godiva at Harrods. You know chocolate’s good for your health, right?

3. Take them to (viking) heaven

Maybe it’s the Game of Thrones effect, or the current craze for all things Scandi. Either way, if you want to channel your inner Vikings, the Queen of Hoxton has got you covered. Or, to be accurate, uncovered; they’ve turned their rooftop into Skye Halla. Their Winter Wigwam’s transformed into a Nordic Viking stronghold; think long boat, feasting hall, fire pits, driftwood sculptures and drinking horns. Complete with a comprehensive events and workshop menu, you can either be utterly debauched with some decadent feasting, or get creative and make your own etchings. Which you can then invite your date up to see later *cough*.

4. Go walking in a Winter Wonderland

What features a circus, stunning acrobatics, an arctic adventure, ballet on ice, a 60m-high observation wheel, a Bavarian village, churros, mulled wine and the largest outdoor ice-rink in the UK? Hyde Park Winter Wonderland, of course. If you want to feel like you’ve shared 6 dates in one day, or want to guarantee finding something you’ll BOTH like, this seasonal Christmas-market-come-theme-park has everything you need and more. Now in its tenth year, the Winter Wonderland even suggests the perfect itinerary for a romantic date. How simple is that?

5. Get hot and steamy

Not everyone likes the cold, but jetting off for sunnier climes isn’t an option for an afternoon. So head to your local botanical garden and make a bee-line for the heated glass houses. Whether you’re in Birmingham or Oxford, Sheffield or Edinburgh or London, step into another world and feel your temperatures rise.

The post Baby, it’s cold outside | Five dates ideas to make your date warm to you appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Are you a sizzling steak or a soggy burger in the bedroom?

Once upon a time, the height of quality dining meant enjoying a damn good steak. Steakhouses dotted themselves around our conurbations, both here and across the pond, leaving no man truly a man until he knew his way round a pretty fine rump, along with the wallet to procure it.

It was a sign of quality, of commitment; the preparation, the maturing and development, the sheer investment. Safe and predictable, this was the ‘going steady’ of the restaurant world.

And then fast food took hold. Why wait 28 days for a quality rib eye when you can pay pennies for something you can cram in your gob in mere minutes? You had a hunger, and it was satisfied, fast; job done.

Of course, there was a trade off for that speed and convenience. Cue questionable contents, dodgy decisions, conveyor-belt anonymity. No wonder film actor Paul Newman replied to a question about adultery with, “Why go out for a hamburger when you have steak at home?” As a metaphor for quality the quote stuck (and hell, he even sold salad dressings to go with those steaks). Today the fast-food burger’s firmly fallen from grace. Come on. It’s tacky, isn’t it?

So hello, gourmet burger. High quality, unique, for a more discerning palate. An older woman might not want the commitment of a steak any more, but she’s not satisfied by the grubby burger of her youth, either. And when it’s good, it’s really good. As one self-confessed ‘menopausal nymphomaniac’ put it recently, “One 25-year-old does things I didn’t know were possible. He’s so good I feel I’ve discovered another room in my house.”

But how can you be ‘gourmet’? How can you be sure both parties ‘have it their way’? Invest in your own menu. Your own sex menu.

Because it’s not just quality that sets a gourmet burger apart; it’s the variety, it’s the skill, and it’s also the information about the ingredients. Too many of us end up on what sex and relationship therapist Tania Glyde calls a ‘sexual escalator’: a predictable and default set of sexual steps, all leading in a certain sticky direction.

A sex menu gets you stepping off the road more travelled and gets you uncovering your own path. Detailing your sexual likes, dislikes, areas of curiosity and areas of no-go etc, it’s the smart way to ensure mind-reading, mind-BLOWING sex from the outset. Hate having your hair pulled? Yearn to be spanked on the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly? Write it all down. Consider it the world’s most satisfying cheat code for your partner, EVER.

A recent talk held by The Summer House Weekend, London’s home of intimacy, respect, consent and kink, introduced a treasure-trove of resources for whetting one’s menu-making appetite at sexmenus.wordpress.com. Just download and tick your way through a range of templates. Welcome to a multiple-choice with VERY interesting options.

Feeling a little queasy about sharing such intimate details with another? Then it’s even more worth dipping into. For older women it’s the perfect process of self-discovery (how DO you want to be kissed, now your think about it?); as for toyboys, it’s imaginative proof that there’s way more to sexual satisfaction than the pounding found in porn.

And if you do end up sharing and discussing it? Wow, that’s hella foreplay, folks. Plus, you know that sexual dysfunction in women can be solved with basic communication, right?

The post Do you want fries with that? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Not everyone’s right for us. Can you take rejection gracefully?

One of the good things about growing older and feeling more comfortable in one’s own skin is discovering the ability to say no.

Many of us ladies have been taught to be people-pleasers from the year dot; do you want to be loved, little girl? Then you’re going to have to be pretty, be NICE, be quiet and put others FIRST, little lady.

GOD it’s stifling. It’s enough to make you want to fall face-down into some Pinot Grigio and never get back up.

So there’s an incredible freedom in finally tuning into our gut feelings and acting on them once we hit the big 4-0. There’s a level of discernment about what we want, who we want to be and who we want in our lives which we’re finally able to access and act upon.

And yep; sometimes that self-same discernment is going to rule against you.

There’s no way to sugar-coat it; your multiple messages may fall on deaf ears. Your welter of winking will not catch her eye. Your avalanche of cards will fall through her digital letter box resolutely and unequivocally unopened.

It’ll feel damn unfair, I know. Why won’t she reply? Why won’t she just say ‘hi’? What the hell is wrong with her for not even checking out your profile? (Whisper it) what’s wrong with YOU?

Why won’t this potential love of your life/desired temporary receptacle for your bodily fluids RESPOND GOD DAMN IT?

Here’s the painful truth: You are not entitled to a woman’s attention.

Nope. You’re not. Nuh-huh. No matter how hot you find her, how horny you are or how grateful she should be, you’ve been sold a lie to expect it and we women have been sold a lie to comply. A lie an older woman just sighs at and exhales, “Oh, fuck that shit.”

I can’t speak for other women but I want someone who adds something beautiful to my already busy life, and it takes a hell of a lot to make the cut. I only want people who inspire mutual joy, who share a desire to grow and learn, and who are as equally generous and emotionally secure as I am.

I’m not looking for a quick fling or a physical fumble at the back of your nearest cocktail bar (sorry about that), so why waste my limited time on guys who appear demanding, immature, self-interested, attention-seeking or otherwise unattractive to my eyes? You may say I’m judging a book by its cover, and that that’s unfair; I say, in the era of high-quality smartphone cameras it’s easier than ever to have a better cover and even then, not everyone wants to read every book. Sorry.

(Face it; do YOU find every single woman attractive simply because she’s older than you? If so, son, you may have a condition *coughs*. For every hot MILF you’d like to F, there’s at least another in a slightly dubious boob tube who you’d turn your back on if she fell over drunk on the dance floor, right?)

I know, I know; rejection hurts. Science (clever science) has shown that social rejection makes the same bits of your brain light up as physical pain does. So if it ever feels like you’ve been kicked in the stomach, your brain pretty-much agrees that you have.

Take comfort in the fact that it happens to everyone (I’ve been knocked-back more times than those aforementioned Pinot Grigios); that it’s probably about them not than you (except when it’s TOTALLY about you, sorry about that, get a good friend to give you some honest feedback, bruv); and embrace it as a learning opportunity – if you’re getting a headache from banging your head against a brick wall, it’s nature’s way of suggesting you move along and try going through someone else’s door instead. Please?

We all experience rejection in our lives; not all of us are classy in how we handle it.

Are you?

The post Can you handle it? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

I blame Anne Bancroft. There she was, looking like a sexually sublime schoolmistress in The Graduate, asking the gauche Dustin Hoffman “Would you like me to seduce you?”, and the die was cast. All older woman can teach younger men how to become better in bed, a fact which arrives in the post along with your Happy 40th! birthday cards.

While the idea of sleeping with someone simply for the experience isn’t gender specific (hello, all you groupies out there with treasured band t-shirts you still sleep in), it’s definitely a trend amongst articles about dating older women. We’re sexier and better in bed apparently, with a guy “hard-pressed to find a better tutor” for some of the best sex of his life. From having more notches on the bedpost, to more practise between the sheets, to being eager to teach and more confident generally, older women are touted as the ‘been there, done it all’ gatekeepers to a toyboy’s greater sexual satisfaction. Who wouldn’t love to be sent spinning around the bedroom by Kylie, for example?

As an older woman myself, all I can say is .. phew. Intimidating, much?

Yes, I may’ve become sexier and more body-confident as I’ve grown older but dear God, the sexual prowess others confer on me through age alone is a hell of a lot to live up to. I may know what I want in bed but insecurity strikes all of us (especially with someone new; come on, who hasn’t nearly exploded from trying to hold a fart in for too long?).

There are times when I read my messages from younger guys and wince; between the lines I can sense the story in their heads. A story which makes me, an entirely human bag of chemicals, frailties and squidgy stuff, into some kind of sexual granter of wishes. They look at me as a means to a (sticky, visceral, able to repeat on demand) end; I look at me and know that I hog the duvet, laugh like a unplugging drain and, on balance, would far prefer a nice hot cup of tea.

And I’m not alone. Young men may have it even harder (stop sniggering at the back, you); thought to be in their sexual prime, I’ve lost count of the guys who’ve told me about the pressure to perform. Maybe that’s one big plus for younger guys who sleep with older women; they’re more likely to console you than scold you for your unaccountably fallible phallus.

So here’s to you, Mrs Robinson, for setting the bench so high. And here’s to the rest of us; ordinary mortals with fears, hopes and insecurities who can still manage to dance whilst they limbo beneath it. There’s probably a lesson in there somewhere.

The post Older women: a Finishing School for Sex? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Kylie had good cause to remind herself to breathe this week when the Aussie Aphrodite found her breath taken away by her toyboy.

In a first for Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs Minogue, 47, gave the choice of one of her eight tracks to her “new beau” and “huge fan” of the show, 28 year-old British actor Joshua Sasse.

“I would like to have a surprise from Josh,” she tells presenter Kirsty Young. “I don’t know what he has done, but I figured if I was a castaway on an island, I would like to know what someone else thought, particularly my love.” 

So, did the young Sasse show some sass? It would be so easy to flatter her with something from her back-catalogue. Something that tells her she’s just smart, or beautiful, or sexy.

But instead Sasse did something far smarter; he chose to appeal to her mind AND her heart. The son of the late Romantic poet Dominic Sasse, he created a sensually intimate gift. With only a simple accompaniment he reads to her ‘As I Look Up’, one of his father’s most erotic poems, which climaxes with;

“I would bend to press my eager face into your neck, where the secret flesh is furred like peaches behind a curtain of caramel scented curls. Without asking, I would pull you down with my devoted hands to express, my fluent tongue to endear. We would smear our mouths with ardent kisses and cry aloud from loving, as we lay beneath the arches of that careless wanton day.”

No wonder “I think I stopped breathing for half of that. Breathe, Minogue!” was her emotional response.

Gentlemen, the bar has been raised. While few woman would want such erotic lines to fill a first message on Toyboy Warehouse, picking something personally meaningful or poetic is enticing once dating’s begun. Older woman are sought for their intelligence and sensuality; appeal to that, and perhaps some “ardent kisses” will soon take YOUR breathe away.

The post Toyboy has Kylie spinning around on her Desert Island Discs appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Want the woman to be in charge? Yep, there’s a name for that.

Sometimes the briefest acronym can open up a whole new world you never knew existed.

I recently checked out a guy’s profile. It was clear that he was making an effort to describe who he was and what he was looking for, but the close of it baffled me; “am looking for an FLR, if I’m totally honest.”

What on earth is an FLR, I wondered; a Full, Loving Relationship? A Frisky Lady for Rumpy-pumpy? A Frontal Lobotomy (Retrospective)?

I took to the wonder that is Google, with all the necessary Safe Search switches set to ‘dear god, spare me and my delicate constitution’. And right at the top of the page, the explanation came; Female-Led Relationships. As Wikipedia puts it;

What is a female-led relationship?

“The term female-led relationship (“FLR”), or female-centered relationship (“FCR”) refers to a model dynamic for a romantic heterosexual relationship in which both partners agree that the woman, (whether she is regarded as wife, girlfriend, significant other or life partner), will act as the leader, principal partner and ultimate authority of the relationship, while the man will obey, comply with and fulfill her as she desires and sees fit.”

You WHAT now? Also; there’s a term for that?

A further scroll down the search results led to a website dedicated to these female-led relationships, complete with explanations for the four types/stages (think, unofficial and kinda, all the way to ‘she’s wearing the pants, you’re not and you’re call her “my mistress”, buddy’). The words ‘training for men must be completed to join’ were being bandied. I kid you not.

(You train dogs to be subservient, not people, surely?)

Each level’s description explained it in terms of his satisfaction; the greater the surrender of power, the more enjoyable/fulfilling it was for him. A relief from the responsibilities normally found in a relationship or at work, perhaps, often explored in BDSM; a gender-reversed 50 Shades of Grey, if you will.

Which made me wonder about toyboys looking for an older woman, because she will be confident, self-sufficient, experienced, self-possessed, know what she wants .. and able to take charge, perhaps? I once dated a younger guy who expressed the relief he felt in dating someone older, as women his own age had so many expectations of him to ‘take the lead’.

So ladies; do you want to have ‘the upper hand’? Guys; do you want a cougar to take charge? Or does FLR stand for “Fellas, Ladies, RUN”?

The post Do Toyboys Really Want Female-Led Relationships? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Fed up with your inbox? You’re not alone.

I’ve rejoined the site recently after a long break, and my inbox has been filling up ever since. OK, that sounds really vain; let me explain. My inbox has been filled with the following;

“Hey”

“Hey!”

“Hi’

“Hey beautiful xxx”

“Looking for fun!”

Occasionally it’s interspersed with longer messages;

“You look like just the kind of woman I’m looking for, please read my profile and get in touch”

“Hi my name is [x] and [several paragraphs on where they live, what they do, their personality traits as a list] Look forward to hearing from you!”

And finally, the reason why I’m writing this;

“Is there a reason why you’re not replying?”

Yes, yes there is. Here are a few reasons why I may not reply to you.

1. There’s nothing to respond to.

‘Hi’ or ‘Hey’ give me no way into a conversation. What do I reply with, another ‘hi’ or ‘hey’? Our conversation feels doomed to progress as follows;

“Hi”

“Hi”

“How are you?”

“Good thanks. You?”

“Yeah, good thanks”

“Good”

“Yeah, good”

I actually fell asleep while writing that. I know small talk has its place, but there’s talk that’s so small, its very reason for existing is microscopic.

Do I want to begin a conversation with someone who appears from the very outset to be a poor conversationalist? I’m sorry, but no thank you. No wonder there’s the idea that, despite their youthful physical attributes, some older women think this;

“Just a thought on the younger man-older woman relationship — although the loving arms of a young teddy bear may be comforting — good sex may not be enough to bridge the daily conversation and friendship gap.” Read more.

Give me a compelling reason to respond, make it EASY for me to respond, and maybe I’ll respond. Deal?

2. You’re playing a numbers game

Whenever I receive a message that appears to be a cut-and-paste jobby sent to many MANY women, I automatically switch off.

These include the brief ‘Hi!” from the above all the way to the incredibly long essays extolling virtues including (but not confined to) age, career, location, relationship history, character/personality traits, sexual prowess, physical attributes. All without any indication of having read my profile.

It feels like I’m being broadcast to by a particularly indiscriminate advertiser; “Madam! Are you over 35 and have a vagina? YOU MEET OUR CRITERIA HERE HAVE A PRIZE”

It’s kind of horrible to receive, if I’m honest. It feels like you’re messaging me simply because I have something you’d like to stick your willy into. My sense of humour? My intelligence? The way I swirled an armful of words into a profile that’s honest, inspired and true? Nope, just an aperture for your willy.

URGH.

3. I’m just not into you

Women get this all the time; had a great date with a guy who ghosted straight after? In what seemed to be a relationship and then never heard from them again?

And the message that generally comes out of these painful experiences? They just weren’t into you, honey. Here, have all the Ben and Jerry’s. No really, I bought you a tub ‘specially.

It’s really really rare that I see someone I want to get to know better. I mean, it’s not quite up there with unicorns and hen’s teeth, but it’s pretty damn close. And then, it’s another rare step again for someone to interest me enough to meet them. I haven’t replied to you? Don’t worry, you’re in the vast majority. You’re normal.

So if I don’t reply, I’m really sorry. On the plus side I’m not going to ghost you after we meet, right?

The post No reply? Here’s why. appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Women over 40 say men their own age seem much older. Now science shows people age at different rates.

For years, the common consensus was that men got better as they grew older. Perhaps it was a reflection of a man’s greater social standing, his seniority at work, or his increasingly weighty wage-packet.

But something’s become pretty noticeable. If you look at men and women 40+ it becomes clear; men are rarely keeping up with women in the youthfulness stakes. From skincare to hair care, to diet and general desire for challenge and growth, women can, and often do, have both a physical and psychological edge on their male counterparts.

Without the ballast of social standing (‘pillar of the community’ =  about to be disgraced in the local newspaper), lack of job security and post-divorce empty wallet, no wonder older women are spurning their peers in favour of a younger man.

And now science has proved what we wondered all along; some people DO age faster or slower than others, as this report confirms.

A longitudinal study of nearly 1000 38-year-old New Zealanders showed that, while some had a biological age close to the numbers of candles on their last birthday cake, some were far younger – and a few were remarkably older.

A range of physiological markers were used by researchers to assess each participant’s ‘true’ age, including metabolism, blood pressure, cholesterol levels and organ function. For a lucky few, the years had been especially kind; the Dorian Grey’s were a mere 28 years old.

The vast majority were in their mid-forties or younger. For others, however, the results were shocking. While some were ageing just a little faster than is chronological, the ‘oldest’ participant had the health markers of someone who’s 61. They’d aged three times as fast.

Further more, those whose internal age was higher were also consistently rated by others as being older. Look young for your age? Perhaps you really are.

So next time you explain why you date someone older or younger, remember; we really can be as young or old as we feel.

The post Feel younger than you are? Here’s why. appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Being a sexually-active woman can be tough. Objectified and subjected to uninvited opinion, and then you hit 50 and you’re both invisible and officially too old for sex.

Yes, 50. Yes, officially. In Portugal, if you’re a woman over the age of 50 and have had children, your sex life is now over. Please pick up your knitting needles and your copy of People’s Friend on the way out. Thank you.

Portuguese judges recently ruled on a year-long compensation battle where the victim of a gynaecological surgical error 19 years ago was expected to receive 172,000 euros.

At the last minute the male judges, in their 50s and 60s, lowered the sum to 111,000 euros. Why? Because she was 50 at the time of the event and had already given birth to two children.

Their reasoning was that after a certain point a person’s “sex life isn’t as important as it is at an earlier age” and added that the desire for sex “diminishes as you get older”.

The victim, left with a permanent inability to have sex amongst other limitations, felt “diminished as a woman”. And no wonder. Sex means many things, above and beyond the purely procreational; a primal drive, a loving connection, a form of communication. The error didn’t just take away her ability to have sex; it robbed her of a primary way to express her sexuality.

But, because she was over 50, the male judges – her peers – deemed it a language she no longer had any cause to speak.

No wonder older women are turning to younger men so they may express their still-vibrant sexuality, if this is the opinion they face from men their own age.

It’s not just judges, either. As Erica Jagger, blogger at Huffington Post noted, her own (female) doctor told her that ‘women stop having sex at 65’.

But hey. It’s probably for the best. Who would want to see 56 year-old Madonna’s topless photos  in a high-end fashion spread?

And who wants to see the latest Bond ‘girl’, 50 year-old Monica Bellucci, have steamy on-screen sex with the current 007, 46 year old Daniel Craig (does a mere four-year age-gap allow us to whisper the words, ‘Bond is a toyboy’)?

It’s almost certainly best not to tell 61 year-old Monica Porter, author of My Year of Dating Dangerously  because it’s clear her lover didn’t enjoy his time with her AT ALL (spoiler alert; HE DID).

Because who on earth could want a (sex) life after 50 when there’s invisibility, knitting and People’s Friend instead?

The post No sex after 50? No thanks! appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.