That’s right folks, in the long line of groups of people President-elect Donald Trump has insulted, mature women daters are now an addition.

In an interview with radio shock-jock Howard Stern, Donald Trump discussed dating women and how important their age is.

In the newly released tape from a 2002 interview, Trump calls 30 ‘a perfect age’.

So, how about 35? The soon-to-be President of the US says, ‘What is it at 35? It’s called check-out time’.

It’s far from the first time Trump has made misogynistic and lewd comments on Howard Stern’s show. In a bizarre 2006 interview, the topic of Trump’s daughter, Ivanka Trump, and her ‘voluptuous’ figure came up. Stern asked Trump if he can call Ivanka “a piece of ass,” to which Trump responds “yeah”.

Other controversial instances on Stern’s show include a 2010 interview where, in reference to Tiger Wood’s affair, Trump rejected the idea people can suffer from ‘sexual addiction’. In a 2005 interview, Trump talked about sleeping with contestants of his beauty pageants when offered, saying’ as the owner of the pageant, it’s your obligation to do that’. He also joked about being allowed in the contestants changing rooms, ‘you see these incredible looking women, and so, I sort of get away with things like that’.

Our thoughts

Toyboy Warehouse has seen thousands of mature women date and have fantastic relationships, is it time we pack up and go home? Is it true that after 35 women can no longer date, that they have to resign themselves with ‘checking out’?

It’s pretty clear to see we have some reservations with the above questions. The sentiment behind Trump’s words isn’t anything new, older women are expected to resign themselves to invisibility, to not be seen when others weigh up their dating options – it’s a pretty awful superpower.

When in actuality this sound be the loudest years of women’s lives, where sexual and relationship freedom means any and all enjoyment can be found.

What’s your thoughts on Trump’s comments?

The post Donald Trump: A Woman Dating Over 35? Don’t Even Bother appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

International Clairvoyant & Psychic Janine Wilbraham

Location: Mid Wales

‘If you want to be told what you want to hear this lady is not for you’. That’s from a testimonial of one of Janine’s happy clients. So many clairvoyants see their work as simply making people feel good, appeasing to their own desires. Excellent clairvoyants challenge your preconceptions, take you out of comfort zone to face things you may feel nervous about facing. Our panel has judged Janine firmly in this category and that’s why she’s made our list.

Why stop at being psychic for humans? Janine also possesses the fantastic title of Animal Communicator. She has a renowned reputation of being able to communicate with horses, not to simply ‘tell what they’re thinking’ but rather as a means of healing and cementing the connection between animal and owner.

Janine’s latest book teaches how you can become an animal communicator too. Can You Hear Me? The Psychic Animal Communicator is available now, click here to get your copy.

Ask the Psychic – Joanna Scott

Location: East Midlands

What makes someone psychic? That’s a question our panel has wrestled with in their deliberations for this list. To them it’s a different way of thinking, being able to connect dots, linking yourself to someone else’s life and seeing how it’ll play out.

Joanna possesses this ability in spades.

For some of you, you may already recognise Joanna. She works on Psychic Today TV, offering advice and insights to thousands of people across the country. She offers 1:1 sessions in everything from tarot card readings, numerology, etc. She also conducts party bookings, email readings, phone readings and lots more. If it existed, she’d win the title of UK’s hardest working psychic.

Why else do we love her? Just like us she’s dedicated to finding you love. Her book The Love Key is the first book to combine psychic love advice with dating know-how. Helping you to use psychic intuition in your own dating experiences. You can get your own copy here.

International Psychic/Clairvoyant Raymond Worthy

Location: UK

With the suffocating quality of modern life, it can be difficult to see the wider meaning of the universe. With so many decisions, obstacles to our goals and negative experiences, happiness is sometimes a difficult thing to grasp. Raymond offers a revolutionary alternative through his ability to ‘speak with angelic insight’.

Raymond was nominated primarily because of the positive effect he has had on the lives of a number of individuals. He tries to clear the fog of busy, everyday life making it easier to see how you can reach your goals. Our panel also commend Raymond on his excellent reading accuracy.

Raymond offers expert email readings and attends loads of great events across the UK. You can find Raymond at the The Psyche Gold Halloween Psychic Fair on October 30th, 2016.

Psychic Caressa

Location: London and South East

For many individuals, the time when they see a psychic or clairvoyant is during a dark period in their life; maybe through grief, a personal struggle or any other significant problem. Caressa was nominated to our panel because of her fantastic work helping people during these dark times. Alongside an excellent clairvoyant and psychic service, she offers stress therapy and a number of life changing treatments. Caressa understands the therapeutic capabilities of her psychic work and how they can provide unbelievable results when combined with other treatments.

The panel also noted her work giving relationships advice and helping to achieve personal goals. All of which makes Caressa an excellent addition to our list.

You can get in touch with Caressa about her services by emailing [email protected].

London Psychic & Clairvoyant Sasha Bonasin

Location: London

Sasha offers one of the widest ranges of psychic services we’ve come across. Tarot cards, coffe cup readings, tea leaves readings, palm readings, spiritual healing, mediumship and more, Sasha offers it all.

That’s not to say with quantity comes a reduce in quality. Sasha works to understand you, your problems, your life, your energy, etc. and then finds the best service for you. He offers insight into your future, connection with the spirit world, as well assistance with your own psychic abilities. The panel commended Sasha on his versatility and accuracy across a wide range of specialisms.

You can get in touch with Sasha on [email protected] for his Skype and 1:1 readings. We especially like his emergency service which will connect you to Sasha within 1 day, something we haven’t seen before.

The post Psychics Near Me: The Best UK Psychics, Mediums & Clairvoyants 16/17 appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Toyboy dater Gaynor Evans, 56, has recently gotten quite a bit of attention among the papers. Why you may ask. Glamorous grandmother Gaynor claims to have picked up over 100 toyboys because it feels sexy and empowering.

Us at Toyboy Warehouse know full well the benefits of toyboy dating, as well as the new lease of life it can give you. Gaynor embodies that with her fun-loving, confident attitude. Gaynor says she enjoys dating younger men because they know what they want and she’s not looking to be tied down anytime soon.

Everyone has a preferred age range, for cougar Gaynor she prefers her men 25-35 because they have more passion, both in and outside the bedroom. From lawyers to bankers, from Australia to Switzerland she’s found excitement from a various different toyboys.

While she prefers muscles, Gaynor says it’s not all about looks. ‘I like a brain. I like intelligence’.

Gaynor’s love story didn’t start with with toyboys however. At the age of 18 she was married and not long after had three children. But after difficulties in the marriage Gaynor decided she had to leave.

Not to let her relationship ending bring her down she decided to ‘re-invent’ herself. I ‘lost weight, went to the beauticians and started going out with my daughters’. She quickly started to attract younger men and it didn’t take long for Gaynor to start her toyboy adventure.

Gaynor is one of our proud ambassadors and we so glad to see the attention her wonderful experiences have had. Follow her blog Sexandthesignposts.com or check her out on Twitter @gingerbirdevans.

Source: DailyMail

The post Toyboy Warehouse member Gaynor Evans hits the headlines with her toyboy antics appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Kylie had good cause to remind herself to breathe this week when the Aussie Aphrodite found her breath taken away by her toyboy.

In a first for Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs Minogue, 47, gave the choice of one of her eight tracks to her “new beau” and “huge fan” of the show, 28 year-old British actor Joshua Sasse.

“I would like to have a surprise from Josh,” she tells presenter Kirsty Young. “I don’t know what he has done, but I figured if I was a castaway on an island, I would like to know what someone else thought, particularly my love.” 

So, did the young Sasse show some sass? It would be so easy to flatter her with something from her back-catalogue. Something that tells her she’s just smart, or beautiful, or sexy.

But instead Sasse did something far smarter; he chose to appeal to her mind AND her heart. The son of the late Romantic poet Dominic Sasse, he created a sensually intimate gift. With only a simple accompaniment he reads to her ‘As I Look Up’, one of his father’s most erotic poems, which climaxes with;

“I would bend to press my eager face into your neck, where the secret flesh is furred like peaches behind a curtain of caramel scented curls. Without asking, I would pull you down with my devoted hands to express, my fluent tongue to endear. We would smear our mouths with ardent kisses and cry aloud from loving, as we lay beneath the arches of that careless wanton day.”

No wonder “I think I stopped breathing for half of that. Breathe, Minogue!” was her emotional response.

Gentlemen, the bar has been raised. While few woman would want such erotic lines to fill a first message on Toyboy Warehouse, picking something personally meaningful or poetic is enticing once dating’s begun. Older woman are sought for their intelligence and sensuality; appeal to that, and perhaps some “ardent kisses” will soon take YOUR breathe away.

The post Toyboy has Kylie spinning around on her Desert Island Discs appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

So when the time if right with your cougar or toyboy and you want to surprise them with an amazing, romantic trip that they’ll remember for years to come, sure, Paris and Venice are great, but they’re a little bit cliché – you want something original, something thoughtful, something… magical.

Well, I’ve made it my mission to arm you with the 15 most magical places in the world, places that’ll blow the socks of your amour. Obviously, romance is subjective, so everyone’s idea of romance is different, and I appreciate that these places are awesome if money were no object, so you might want to get saving, but trust me, you’ll get serious Brownie points for taking your significant other to these places…

So without further ado, I bring you the 15 most romantic places for cougar dating in the world:

1. Tunnel of Love, Kleven, Ukraine

This place is basically a railway tunnel lined with trees. What the hell is so special about a railway tunnel? I hear you ask. Well, this place truly has to be seen to be believed. The tunnel itself is a three kilometre section of private railway that serves a fibreboard factory near the town of Klevan,Eastern Ukraine, and a train runs three times a day to and from the factory delivering wood.

However, in the spring, the trees lining the railway form a beautiful, ethereal archway over the tunnel, transforming the track into a favoured spot for young romantics to stroll with that special someone.

Plus, legend has it that couples visit the Tunnel of Love to make a wish, and that if they are sincere in their love, then the wish will come true.

2. Colmar, France

Now, this town in the North East of France legitimately looks like it could be taken straight out of Beauty and The Beast – all charming little houses and flower-lined canals, this place is truly amazing. There’s even a miniature train that chugs around town and a nightly light show every single day of the year!

Colmar is found along the Alsatian wine route in France and considers itself to be the “capital of Alsatian wine”, so what more could you ask for than your beau, wine, nightly light shows and a miniature train?!

3. Burano, Italy

This quirky little town located on  the same lagoon as Venice is perfect for anyone who likes life bright and bold! Burano is a rainbow, and buildings are like a kaleidoscope of colour. Rumour has it that fishermen decided to paint their houses bright colours so that they were easier to spot in the fog. The whole town followed suit, and the rest is history! If residents want to paint their houses, they need to send a letter to the Government, who will reply with a list of available, approved colours.

Burano is also home to expert lacemakers, making it perfect to snap up something sexy to surprise your loved one with! Burano will definitely put an extra spark in your relationship.

4. Yvoire, France

If Paris isn’t your bag, but you adore the je nais se quois that France has to offer, you should hit up Yvoire – located in south-eastern France, this medieval gem is often described as one of France’s most beautiful cities.

The streets are lined with gorgeous flowers, making a walk down the narrow streets even more romantic and whimsical. Yvoire is also home to the Garden of Five Senses, a labyrinth of fragrant fruits, flowers and other plants, which is guaranteed to get you in the mood for some loving…

5. Giethoorn, Netherlands

Many people nowadays feel like Venice has become a little too ‘mainstream’, and so overrun with tourists that it has lost its magic. Many others disagree. But if you want somewhere that offers the magic of Venice, but is less touristy, you may want to try Giethoorn, “the Venice of the North”.

Giethoorn has canals instead of roads, making the land surrounding the buildings seem like little islands. It’s so peaceful and idyllic, it’s sure to melt away all the stresses of modern life and leave you both relaxed and happy.

6.Edinburgh, Scotland

Now this is a personal favourite of mine – I’m obsessed with Scotland. I think there’s something so mystical and magical about it, and to me, there’s nowhere more romantic. Plus, I’m a sucker for a Scottish accent.

Edinburgh is so olde worlde and has loads of history and culture – there’s so much to see and do, meaning you and your loved one should never run out of ways to pass the time. Plus, you could even go on a ghost walk in Edinburgh Castle, the perfect excuse to snuggle up close!

7. Santorini, Greece

Santorini legit looks like somewhere of a Muller Greek yoghurt advert – you know the ones I mean. Some gorgeous woman surrounded by beautiful bright blue skies and beautiful bright white Greek architecture, proclaiming how she simply cannot believe that she’s found a Greek yoghurt that is only 90 calories! Well Santorini looks like it could be a backdrop for a yoghurt advert, but that’s not a bad thing.

It’s stunning. It’s hot. It’s rich with culture. You can rent a donkey or a scooter to get around. There are absolutely breathtaking views of the vineyards. This place looks like it could be your own Greek playground. It’s perfect for a romantic break away with the other half.

8. The Swing At The ‘End Of The World’, Baños, Ecuador

Right, so practically, this place is pretty inaccessible, but it’s so worth it. It’s also not for the faint hearted…

Tucked away next to Ecuador’s Tungurahua volcano is a swing 2,600 miles above sea level, offering a view that’s both beautiful and terrifying in equal measures. Obviously it’s not a swing at the end of the world per se, but I imagine that’s what it would feel like – it’s basically a more adult version of a playground swing.

Now, if you’re scared of heights, then this maybe isn’t the best place for you. But imagine the adrenaline rush that you and your other half would experience knowing that you’ve both literally been taken to heights that you’ve never before reached, and knowing that you’ve shared that experience with someone you love? And what’s more romantic than that?

9. Wisteria Flower Tunnel, Japan

Similar to Ukraine’s Tunnel of Love in that it’s basically a nature-made tunnel, these tunnels in Ashikaga Flower Park and Kawachi Fuji Gardens are lined with Wisteria plants. Now, if you’re a hay fever sufferer, this probably isn’t the best place for you. But the views are simply gorgeous – shades of mauve, pink, and purple surround you as you take a leisurely stroll through the tunnel. Think of how romantic this would be.

Wisteria only blooms once a year from roughly April to May, so you’d need to book your trip to Japan around this if you wanted to visit the Wisteria tunnels, but you will not be disappointed. Plus, who needs to buy flowers for your other half if you take them here??

10. Giant’s Causeway, Northern Ireland

The Giant’s Causeway in County Antrim, Northern Ireland, is a popular tourist destination. According to Irish folklore, the columns are the remains of a causeway that was built by a giant, hence the name, although realists state that it is the result of a volcanic eruption.

The place looks unreal – hexagonal columns line the northeast coast of Northern Ireland and they look almost perfect, almost like puzzle pieces in their formation. Northern Ireland is a pretty magical place anyway, but the Giant’s Causeway is something else.

It’s such a romantic place – picture it now; waves crashing, your beau by your side, taking in the breathtaking views of the County Antrim coast… Gorgeous.

11. Lauterbrunnen Valley, Switzerland

Lauterbrunnen Valley is a picturesque little village nestled in Switzerland. It looks like something out of a storybook and this place is guaranteed to make you feel relaxed and at peace with the world. Lauterbrunnen Valley is all lush greenery, and snow capped mountains, and boasts over 70 waterfalls that cascade high from the rock face that surrounds the valley.

One visit to this place and you’ll both feel like you’ve stepped out into a fairytale, with your real life Prince Charming/ Princess.

12. Tulip Fields, Netherlands

The Dutch first discovered the tulip in 1593 and they’ve had a love affair with it ever since. These tulip fields are found in the fields of historic Holland and seemingly never end – just rows upon rows of bright, vivid colour.

There are several routes and tours for both cycling and walking so that you can take in the scenery at your own pace, and the routes wind through thousands of tulips and daffodils, Dutch windmills and quaint little villages that’ll both delight and enchant you. These fields are definitely worth a visit.

13. Sea of Stars, Vaadhoo Island, Maldives

There’s a beach in the Maldives that has glowing, bright blue waves, and it makes the sea look like a mirror, featuring the reflection of thousands of glittery stars. Now, this phenomenon is the result of a natural chemical reaction known as bioluminescence, which occurs when a microorganism in the water is disturbed by oxygen.

All very scientific, but the end result is absolutely astounding – it looks like nothing you’ve ever seen before and is absolutely perfect to share with the one you love. But Vaadhoo Island isn’t the only place that you can witness this spectacle – you can also visit the islands of Mudhdhoo and Rangali in the Maldives for this as well.

14. Glowworm Caves, Waitomo, New Zealand

The glow worm, Arachnocampa luminosa, is unique to New Zealand, and deep within a cave in Waitomo, these little critters radiate bright, luminescent light, offering a magical insight into deepest, darkest New Zealand.

The glow worm caves are hugely popular and the cave offers boat rides through this glow worm grotto along the Waitomo River, giving you the chance to witness this amazing scene up close. Thousands of glittering glow worms will sparkle in the darkness, and it’s sure to leave you and your loved one, ahem, glowing.

15. Cenotes of Yucatán Peninsula, Mexico

Now, it’s no secret that Mexico has some absolutely gorgeous beaches, but the Cenotes of Yucatán Peninsula is where it really gets serious – here is where you can escape to a turquoise underworld where Mayans apparently communicated with the gods.

Cenotes of Yucatán Peninsula features magical caves and swimming holes with water so clear, you can see the fish frolicking in the plants below the water. Surrounded by tropical trees and vines, you will really feel like you are in your own secret jungle. Plus, the water is so fresh and contains vitamin and mineral enriched algae that will both nourish and protect your skin. This place is truly one of a kind and you’ll feel like a rock star with your own private island.

The post 15 Most Romantic Places For Cougar Dating appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Based on extensive research (asking my Mum, a lady in the newsagent, and eavesdropping in on a pub-chat) here are the 8 reasons why cougars love Scottish toyboys.

1) The accent…

Even if what Scots are saying isn’t always comprehensible, there aren’t many woman who will deny that the accent is hard to resist. Like the rest of the UK, regional differences in Scotland are great; but with all Scottish accents containing the same purrs and poetic like qualities, who really cares? With a tongue that so successfully rolls its R’s, it’s Samantha from Sex and the City who wonders what else a tongue like that can do…

2) Sense of humour

Scots have a strange way of showing affection. It usually comes in the form of continually making fun of the person we like. Scottish humour is made up of a healthy dose of slang, playful banter and self-deprecating rants. What’s more, the Edinburgh Festival Fringe provides enough humour to keep a Scot topped up with naff one-liners and naughty anecdotes for the rest of the year. At one of his shows during the Fringe, comedian Kevin Bridges asked if there were ‘any tourists visiting Edinburgh?’ One audience member raised his hand and replied ‘Glasgow.’

3) We’re manly men

Sure we might not all look like the kilted bloke on the front of the Scott’s porridge oats packet, but that doesn’t mean that we’re still not as rugged as leather-clad bikers or Italian builders (minus the tan). Despite our sensitivity, we’re really quite manly; whether it’s skinny-dipping in meltwater lochs or stopping flaming terrorists by kicking them in the testicles. Neither of which is favourable to the aforementioned man-part. If you’re with a Scottish toyboy, you can relax in knowing that if there’s a whiff of danger they’ll sling you over their shoulder and carry you to safety.

4) The kilt

A lady in my newsagent provided me with these two fascinating insights into the attraction of the kilt: 1) it’s great for women who want to feel more dominant in a relationship, 2) easy access. The endless pirouetting and glimpses of flesh that accompany kilt-wearing, shows that these skirts are great for male confidence. Kilt-wearing also creates a sense of occasion, stirs a (tolerable) sense of national pride, and allows us to show off our shapely pins.

5) We’re very friendly

My friend from Edinburgh recently told me how he tried to strike up a conversation with a London commuter on the tube. It didn’t go well. Scottish people, while we have our many flaws, are among the most friendly in the UK. Anyone who has ever been driven by a Glaswegian cabbie can testify to this. I don’t know if it’s just because we’re a small country and so feel the need to stick together. Perhaps it’s a means of counteracting the inevitable lack of summer. Whatever the reason, my friend had to learn about this inherent Scottish friendliness the hard way.

6) Our passion

Any nation that can remain passionate despite consistently losing at every sport known to man deserves serious kudos. The recent political fervor in Scotland shows just how passionate Scots can be. National pride is ever present with Scots – just look at the smug grins of our politicians and the cult status that Irn Bru holds. Sure, being overly passionate is sometimes a real bore, but in the right situation it can be very attractive.

7) The great outdoors

Scotland’s varying landscapes are some of the most beautiful in the UK, so chances are that your Scottish toyboy is going to want to show you some of these hidden gems. Whether you can imagine yourself in the purple heathered highlands, on a ivory-sand beach in the Outer Hebrides or wandering the cobbled streets of Edinburgh’s old town – there are many great date spots in Scotland that can make even the most hardened Scot weep.

8) Our celebrations

Wherever you go in Scotland people are always looking for a reason to celebrate. Hogmanay, Burns Night, St Andrews Day, and the Edinburgh Festival Fringe are just some of Scotland’s events. Ceilidhs and reeling usually accompany most celebrations and help those people who can’t spontaneously dance, but are able to follow instructions (i.e. me). Join the party atmosphere.

The post 8 Reasons Older Women Love Scottish Men appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Sam is an acronym for ‘Self-effacing Antipodean Man’, my sweet-natured ‘Kiwi bloke’ who has spent the last decade working his way around Europe. We are friends and when circumstances permit, we are also lovers. When we met over ten years ago, I was in my late forties and Sam was in his mid-twenties. Over many years, our connection has grown in closeness, depth and eroticism. We cannot leave one another alone, yet we are not together. We start other relationships, they fail; we turn to each other for comfort. It has taken on a life of its own, this mutual understanding. It is an embryonic phenomenon clinging to life in a protracted gestation, with the projected lifespan of a great tree, in the order of millennia.

‘Had we but world enough and time…my vegetable love should grow, vaster than empires and more slow…’ The situation reminds me of imagery in the poem ‘To His Coy Mistress’ by Andrew Marvell, written from the perspective of an ardent young man attempting to seduce his virgin beloved and arguing that her reluctance is wasting the resource of valuable time. In an odd reconstruction of the point made by the poet, Sam and I, already lovers, do not possess the longevity to see this evolving affection reach fruition. It is maturing at the rate of a regal dynasty or a rain forest, over generations. Unfortunately, the lifespans of mere mortals are more restricted; this is time we simply do not possess.

It is New Years’ Eve. Sam and I are staying with our respective extended families, separated by distance and time. He initiated the texting and emails yesterday. Today, we find a spare few minutes to actually talk. We are commenting, somewhat surprised, on how long it has been since we first met. I tell him how I appreciate him; how convinced I was that he would gradually fade out of my life. I don’t really comprehend why we are still in touch as we are so very different. His reply is that he considers we are both good, tender people, who are ‘sixy togitha’, with shared fundamental values. Ultimately, he says, that is what we have in common.

On impulse, I suddenly blurt out that I have loved him for years. I want to share how dear he is to me, before he goes home to New Zealand and we lose touch. I tell him that I have no expectations of him; I have held my secret all this time without it affecting him. He need not worry, nothing need change, the last thing I wish is to control him or affect his liberty in any way. He listens and I hear his breathing. I hear myself saying I am far too old for him; that we should both take the opportunity should other more suitable people come along.

I finish speaking and there is only an agonising silence down the line. I cannot see him; I have no idea what his reaction is.

I feel paralyzed with terror. The thought of losing Sam is unbearable: I feel nauseated, asphyxiated, my guts taut. What possessed me to declare the ‘L’ word after all this time? I am a silly and immature fantasist. Any fleeting dreams which I may have nurtured of us being happy together, even for a short while, dissipate. It is simply ridiculous to think about any future with him. This beautiful man has been part of my life for the more than the past decade and now I have driven him away. Through my own foolish lack of judgement, my thoughtless asinine action, I am going to lose him.

Frozen with dread, I brace myself for his response. By tomorrow, New Years’ Day, all that remains of Sam will be a chasm of grief and memories shaped by insufficient world and time.

The post New Year With Sam appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Sometimes a problem pops up and it’s something you just can’t share with your family and friends. Luckily Toyboy Warehouse are giving you the chance to air your relationship worries – anonymously! – and in return you get some real, intelligent advice from our panel of male and female dating experts. Our experts are notable faces who you will recognize both from their presence on Toyboy Warehouse and their accomplishments in the world beyond. What they all share is tried and tested experience of what it’s like dating in our niche.

Four of you have already submitted your problems for the attention of the first of our female experts, the beautiful and accomplished Wendy Salisbury. All names have been changed, so don’t try to guess who this may be!

To see your questions answered in this space next time, email them to [email protected]

You asked:

I get incredibly nervous before I go on a first-date. I often start stuttering, sometimes I forget to zip my flies and once or twice I’ve even run away before she arrived. How can I have more confidence when meeting an older woman for the first time?    – Tom, 35

Wendy replied:

Hi Tom,

First dates and blind dates can be very daunting because neither of you knows what to expect.  It doesn’t matter how well you’ve got on in cyberspace… one always has more courage shielded by a screen! Physically meeting face-to-face is nerve-wracking for everyone, so you’re not alone there.

Running away is not a good idea because

a) you’ll feel guilty and

b) she’ll think she’s been stood up.  You have to tough it out if you’ve gone to the trouble of making the date in the first place. After all, what’s the worst that can happen?

If you’re not brave enough to keep the date, it’s best to say so beforehand and save her the journey.  You can always rearrange, but you’ll probably only get two shots at it.  If you’re not at the appointed place at the appointed time, your date will give up on you altogether or send you an angry message for having left her standing.  That’s a lose/lose situation whichever way you pitch it!

As for ‘wardrobe malfunctions’, ALWAYS check your flies before leaving home, in the same way that you check that you have your keys and mobile.

Once you have met, the best way to defuse any nerves is to admit to them. Remember, your date may be just as nervous as you. Smile, stand up to greet her if you’re there first and say ‘Hi! I don’t know about you, but I’m really nervous!’

Confidence needs building over time.  It’s perfectly normal to feel insecure in new situations. We’re all insecure about something: our looks, our clothes, our lack of knowledge on certain subjects.  If you get tongue-tied, take a deep breath, drop your shoulders, and pay your date a compliment. Even if it seems banal, say: ‘I like your top/dress/hair/shoes.’  That will break the ice. Then ask her about her day: how was her journey?  Did she come straight from work?

Once the conversation starts to flow, your stutter should abate and your voice should settle down.  The first drink usually helps as well!

Best of Luck!

Wendy x

You asked: 

I’ve been messaging someone on Toyboy Warehouse regularly for about three months. He’s charming, easy on the eye (in his photos at least!) and keen to meet up. The only issue is he says he is looking for something serious and while he lives in Edinburgh, I live in London. Can something long-distance work?   – Sarah, 48

Wendy replied: 

Hi Sarah,

I’m afraid that unless you have a regular rendezvous planned – every other weekend or even once a month for instance – long-distance relationships do struggle to survive.  You’re starting with a geographical challenge, although with today’s myriad methods of communication, you can at least keep in touch in many different ways.

You really need to meet first if you’re going to progress this.  The chemistry that may be present in your current contact may fly out the window the minute you set eyes on each other then the problem will no longer exist.  It’s all very well having an ‘imaginary’ boyfriend/girlfriend, but nothing beats the real thing.

Edinburgh is a long way from London so if your guy wants something serious he should probably be looking closer to home.  This may sound harsh but it is realistic.  If he’s hooked on you and it’s feasible to do, either he or you should be prepared to relocate.

So, in the first instance, MEET – even halfway? – and see if you click.  If not, nothing lost.  If so, you’ve got something to build on.

Best of luck!

Wendy x

If you’d like answers to any questions that you have, send them in to [email protected]

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Long and intense have been the discussions as to how many dates it is reasonable to go on before one sleeps with someone.  Having garnered opinion from both sexes the general consensus appears to be; two dates if you aren’t that bothered about seeing them again but four if you think you would like to take it further.  I decided on the four date rule years ago and although it might not always be great for the libido, it is definitely good for the soul.

—-Which brings me to my recent sojourn in Florence and the application of the rule —

As we women know any Italian city is a minefield of men chatting you up at every available opportunity.  Crossing the bridges over the Arno a steady stream of “Ciao Bella”! rends the air as men wobbling by on bicycles proposition me at any time of the day or night.  I take to handing out a false phone number as a quick way of escaping. By the time I reach the Palazzo Medici Ricardo that morning I am jaded by it all and unprepared for the intense stare and questions of the man behind the desk selling me a ticket… and asking me out.  He looks alright, tall pleasant looking I think, until he stepped out from behind the counter where he must have been standing on a plinth because he has shrunk several inches. He says he is an Art Historian which might prove useful to my research and so I agree to meet him for a drink.

Date 1

This passes off reasonably well, but I discover he isn’t that knowledgeable in his alleged field, really more of a tour guide around the Uffizi. Disappointment begins to set in and I notice his teeth are wonky and his dress sense definitely isn’t Prada.

Date 2

So it has been a long day for me researching in the Medici Archives, we have dinner and after a walk in the rain Florence is so beautiful who could not be slightly drunk by it all. He grabs me beside the river and kisses me, it is okay… .no fireworks go off anywhere inside me. I disentangle myself and am happy to go home alone.

Date 3

We go for dinner, I pick the restaurant this time as I have realised that I have better taste than him, in everything!  He is wearing some God awful fleecy thing; I try not to fixate on the wonky teeth.  However on the plus side the wine waiter is cute young and vibrant with energy, and reminds me of my old boyfriend.  The wine waiter offers me a digestive, we drink Grappa and laugh, he tells my date how lucky he is to find a girl that drinks Grappa, and he should ask me to marry him.  I realise I really don’t even like my date and would definitely never want to go to bed with him. Now the wine waiter would be a different story… but jumping ship at this stage isn’t a possibility.  I walk home alone over the beautiful dark sparkling river feeling mournful but thankfully manage not to send a slightly drunken text to the ex.  Well Grappa is Grappa and I shouldn’t drink it unless I want to go dancing or make love.

There is no DATE 4.

The moral of the story is clear; not knowing someone can be an advantage, for they may seem more interesting, more mysterious, more complicated or intelligent than they really are.  But unless  you fancy them so much that your only criteria is wanting to rip their clothes off, (and who can argue with that sometimes ) my four date rule is a pretty good one.

After all who wants to wake up next to someone that you don’t even like?

Victoria Mosley is a poet, spoken word artist and author of The Red Dragon Bed.

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In this blog, I wish to introduce my delightful ‘Sam’ to you in preparation for a variety of odd and hilarious situations we have encountered together. We met via an online dating site years ago, we developed  a surprising friendship and we have kept in touch intermittently ever since. Sam is not his real name, of course, but my acronym for ‘Self-effacing Antipodean Man’ and he is a son of Aotearoa, the Land of the Long White Cloud, otherwise known as New Zealand. He is currently engaged in his “Overseas Experience”, when natives of this land, known as ‘Kiwis’, embark upon a prolonged outward migration, only returning decades later to reproduce and prevent the islands from being entirely over-run by sheep.

Sam and I start corresponding in the virtual world and discover that our complementary features, which should be completely and mutually abhorrent, are a source of intense fascination. In his photographs, he appears fit: tall, rangy and attractive with sandy hair and grey eyes, in his twenties. I am his elder by almost 20 years; he is not perturbed in the slightest. After online banter and self-revelation, we move on to telephone calls full of mirth. His mumbled Kiwi accent, beautiful baritone voice, quick wise wit and unexpected throaty chuckles mesmerise me, even though on occasion, I am unable to fully comprehend precisely what he is saying.  He is travelling through the United Kingdom for only a little while and has no time for any more than a brief love affair. I am incredibly attracted to his artless, stable candour, as well as that wonderful voice.

We finally meet very early on a sunny spring day, at the coach stop and it is apparent that Sam is indeed lean and athletic, earnestly handsome, with sandy hair and green eyes, wearing walking clothes. He is observing everything taking place around him in the curious, relaxed fashion of an experienced traveller. We smile, we exchange greetings, we hug, we purchase coffee and we chat as though we had known each other for years. Somehow, in person, I comprehend his accent perfectly. He is concise, calm and factual while I am effusive, emotional and prone to exaggeration. I love the enthusiastic way he constantly states, “Yiss, for sure!”. His eyes are kindly, a gentle blue and they crinkle at the corners; his smile is absolutely like a slow sunrise. We are powerless to stop touching each other, little brushes of fingers-pads on hands or arms and equally unable to desist from gazing into each other’s eyes.

We kiss briefly, an unutterably tender and sweet kiss. It is astounding how healthy Sam smells: I breathe in the scents of fresh mown grass, damp earth, sea salt, baking bread. I also notice how alert his body is, totally contained in experiencing the moment. He climbs into my vehicle without demur and I drive him home, cogitating upon how trusting he is, since for all he knows, I could be some serial dispatcher of unsuspecting backpackers. And that is how the wonder begins, as we discover how at ease, tactile, passionate and “sixy” we are with each other.

Years later, he is in his thirties and we are still friends and occasional lovers, when we are in between other relationships and in the same country. Now, you may have understood from the way his eyes change colour as does the sea, that Sam is an understated being with supernatural powers. He frequently engages in determined, unannounced, private competitions to break various world records in long-distance and extreme sports; often succeeding with quietly satisfied triumph, although he will deflect any excessive adulation, modestly stating: “It wiz ok.” Sam is an expert in low-key grumbling, yet he does not moan or complain excessively, he stoically “jist gits on wuth it”.

Knowing Sam has altered me for the better:  I have learned about simply dealing with challenges as they present, without endless analysis and he has become more emotive in my presence. On the occasions that we do meet, we remain polar opposites flung into a magnetic storm of attraction. I have no expectations of this comforting friendship: it is merely what it is and one day it will end; yet I utterly adore Sam and he quite likes me too, although he is preoccupied with taking the globe in his manly, uncomplicated stride. Ever a master of understatement, he mumbles, “Gees, if I wuz based in the UK, who knows, could be quite ixcitin’.”

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