For anyone who has completed copious amounts research into mind reading and have cracked the code to finally hear other people’s thoughts, don’t bother reading this.

For the rest of you, you’re in luck, today you’re about to find out what other people really think when reading your dating messages, all without the aid of psychic abilities. That’s right, we asked a random segment of cougar dating site Toyboy Warehouse members exactly what goes through their head after reading your beautifully scripted DMs. The results may shock you.

We asked the girls…

Message: “Hey x”

The girls said: You guessed it, it’s a big fat ‘no’. On Toyboy Warehouse, women get 3x more messages than men. So a first message is really an opportunity to stand out from the crowd. Even if you’re the next Brad Pitt, with a bank balance to match, message with just a ‘hey’ at your peril. The consensus has spoken, it’s not going to end well for you.

Message: ‘Hey, I’ve been single for soo long, please date me!’

The girls said: You guessed it again. It you fancy sending a downbeat first message, you’re going to get a downbeat reply – if one at all.

Message: “You look beautiful/attractive/sexy”

The girls said: Compliments are a funny thing, sometimes they can bring joy, other times they can make you look a little bit creepy. But according to a group of our members, that distinction isn’t random.

Unsolicited physical compliments, for the most part, were seen negatively. Unless there was a little rapport already built, even the nicest compliment comes across needy and weird. So if you do want to say something nice about someone’s appearance, try and build a foundation first. However, maybe you’re looking to compliment something other than appearance, for example:

• ‘wow, you’re a X? A lot of my family are X, I also thought it was amazing to have a job that makes such a difference in people’s lives’
• ‘Is that actually you in that rock climbing picture? That’s so high! Awesome job!’

Compliments such as these were looked on much more favourably. It still possible to be a bit creepy if done wrong, but as long as you’re kind and sincere it’s a great way to get some dating brownie points.

Message: Corny pick up line

The girls said: It looks like the corny pick up line has made full circle and is now a perfectly acceptable first message. The consensus said a funny pick up line is a great way to say hello, only if it was done in a slightly self-deprecating way. As long as the other person intended it to be corny, and not actually a pick up line that would work every time, then it’s considered a sweet and fun first message.

We asked the guys…

Message: ‘You eyes/hair/muscles looks good’

The guys said: It seems physical compliments were a big ‘yes, please’ from the guys. The general consensus said it’s a nice little ego-boost and a good way to show you’re interested. It’s worth keeping it pretty clean (nothing too explicit) but being a little flirty or sexy with it is perfectly acceptable.

Message: ‘Can I get your phone number?’

The guys said: While the ladies making that the big leap and asking for a phone number is mostly appreciated, it being a first message is considered a little forward. Accordingly to the guys, 3-5 messages was sufficient before asking for a phone number. Anything less seems a little desperate, anything more and you’re at risk of just being a ‘dating site friend’ and never anything more.

Message: “Hey x’

The guys said: There’s a general consensus that guys shouldn’t just message ‘hey’, that women don’t like it and that it rarely leads to a reply. It turns out the same is true for women. Our members called the simple ‘hey’ message ‘lazy’ and something ‘not really worth a reply’.

Message: ‘Hey, I’ve been single for soo long, please date me!’

The guys said: While this may be a little dramatic, variations on a pessimistic or downbeat first message are not received very well. The most common response was that desperation is a little unattractive. While the other person may not be the happiest bunny in the world, starting off your dating journey with a downbeat message isn’t the best way to go.

The post What Do They Really Think Of That Message You Sent? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Toyboy Warehouse isn’t just the UK’s largest cougar dating site, after inhouse dating experts are world renowned for their insight. That’s why we’ve uncovered the most essential books, podcasts, video series, etc. on all things dating. Whether you’re newly single, someone making the most of their bachelor/bachelorette life or a lucky so-and-so settling in to another relationship, these are the most essential books and podcasts you need to be checking out.

Is there something we’ve missed off the list? Let us know in the comments.

April Kirkwood, Working My Way Back To Me

For rural Ohio beauty queen April Kirkwood, her #MeToo moment came way before the term was coined. She lost her virginity to the middle-aged Frankie Valli at 16, after a decade pursuing a childhood fantasy to be the crooner’s wife. Through April’s eyes, we experience joys and heartaches that echo across more than a half-century of old family secrets and ways, and the triumphs and defeats involved in trying to break the mould. The book sheds light on universal struggles involving love, sexuality, addiction, and mental health. April’s adventures lead to betrayal and suffering, and her fate depends on family. April must learn the fine line between guidance and sabotage as she claws her way to a future not as a saviour, but as a fiercely accomplished woman.

Check out Working My Way Back To Me

The Couples Counsel by Dr. & Mrs. Mercier

Relationships don’t always go the way we hoped and often include poor communication, money fights, and lack of sex & intimacy. Dr. & Mrs. Mercier believe the challenges in relationships are opportunities for growth. That is why they have made it their purpose to equip couples and families with the necessary tools for happy and healthy relationships.

Check out The Couples Counsel

Maria Leonard Olsen, 50 After 50

When lawyer/journalist Olsen reached age 50, she decided to try 50 new things that were significant to her. As a woman in recovery, the author values the time she has left, and through her own story, urges readers to do the same via activities such as singing like no one’s listening, riding a horse, and performing random acts of kindness. She enumerates many more exercises under the headings of “spiritual endeavours,” “thrill seeking ventures,” “lifestyle changes,” and so forth, but the message is that we should value and embrace life to the fullest. VERDICT An inspiring read for those who are in or have passed through middle age.

Check out 50 After 50

Diana Raab, Lust

A passionate journey through private emotional moments, Diana Raab’s Lust voices the pain of loneliness and the heart’s yearning for love while transcending the depths of human desire. In her fourth book of poetry, Raab employs narrative verse that is alive, titillating, and seductive. Lust examines the emotional and physical complexity of love, helping readers navigate the risks of intimacy as we move toward the realisation that every experience enriches our lives, whether we perceive it as joy, pain, or out of the ordinary. Yet for all their psychological richness, the poems’s simplicity and accessibility will resonate with women and men across all walks of life. Lust is a book you won’t put down and won’t soon forget.

Check out Lust

Sign up to Toyboy Warehouse – the home of British cougars and toyboys.

The post Essential Reading/Listening For Your Dating Life – December ’18 appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Over the years, being in the industry has given us detailed knowledge of which bloggers are blogging from the heart, and which are full of hot air. So your favourite cougar dating site, Toyboy Warehouse, is running through its favorite 15 dating blogs that will provide the tips you need, the anecdotes you crave and a good laugh when all else fails.

1. Dating Goddess: As explained in her Adventures in dating after 40, mature dating sometimes comes with a few unexpected twists, the best way to get past them is by sharing and no blog is better at providing honest, thoughtful musings on dating for 40+ than this.

2. Soon2becatlady: When you need a refreshing giggle at the drama and misadventure that comes with dating in the digital age, I recommend Soon2becatlady (spoiler: she’s not resorted to getting cats just yet!)

3. 40 Days of Dating: follows a unique and interesting social experiment conducted by two good friends, Jessica in Timothy, in New York. Tired of finding opposite problems in their dating lives, they decided to date each other for 40 days – to entertaining and often enlightening effect. (And it went so well, they’re making a book!)

4. DatingAdvice.com: If you’re looking for expert dating advice from people with both the personal and academic qualifications to give it, you might try DatingAdvice.com. As well as providing intelligent advice for both men and women, they also have an expert in mature dating, April Braswell, whose blogs shed light on the challenges of dating for the experienced, but keeps it fun and entertaining too. You can even ask them dating questions via Twitter (@DatingAdviceCom)

5. She Knows: It’s likely in your dating life you’re thinking about your sex life too. Find revealing ideas, frank advice and ideas to heat up your other love life on the She Knows blog.

6. 30 Dates: As well as providing excellent insights with her 30 Dates experiment, Charly Lester’s 30 Dates Blog is an inspiration to anyone looking to create their own dating blog too. Her 30 adventures are a great reminder that when it comes to dating you really have to just get out there.

7. Buzzfeed Dating Blog: If you’re just looking for a laugh or something to pass 15 minutes on your commute, the indisputable masters of quick, easily-digested content is always Buzzfeed. Their dating blogs are guaranteed to amuse you, and their quizzes provide you with useful answers to burning questions such as ‘Which fictional serial killer should I date?‘ (and eventually be killed by).

8. Single Dating Diva: Check out Single Dating Diva if you’re looking for advice to a specific question affecting your love life. Her top tips also contain some cheerful words to keep you smiling when this big ol’ numbers game has got you down.

9. We Love Dates: The definitive mother-load of online dating advice is available at the award winning We Love Dates blog. Their specialty is list blogs that are well known for being irresistibly readable, but without sacrificing strong, actionable advice.

10. Time Out Dating: Keeping up to date with the latest trends in online dating and technology affecting it is easier than ever with the Time Out Dating Blog, now written by 30 Dates’ Charly Lester. The results of their Global Dating Survey will show you which cities are best for dating, which cities are worst for dating and which accent the world finds irresistible (hint, you might like the answer to this one!)

11. Huffington Post: Prolific bloggers across every genre, The Huffington Post Dating Blog will provide you with a lot more than just a list of ‘5 best dating outfits for 2018’. Peruse these dating musings when you’re looking for a serious perspective on modern dating issues.

12. Divorced Girl Smiling: At Toyboy Warehouse, we know how divorce affects you when it comes to getting back on the horse again. Luckily Divorced Girl Smiling‘s blog is devoted to just that. Give it a read when you’re looking for some empathy.

13. Divorced Guy Grinning: And – of course – as divorce is a two way street, the equally excellent Divorced Guy Grinning is there to support men in the same boat and share the problems

14. Men’s Fitness: Providing excellent advice for men (and a good laugh for women) in this interactive mock-dating site, Men’s Fitness created a fake profile and got real expert analysis from professionals and single women. A must for any man who wants to succeed with women as you’ll learn exactly what’s going through her mind when you send a message bragging about your manhood. Check it out.

15. Role Reboot: A personal favorite, the Role Reboot blog is dedicated to challenging out-dated conceptions about men and women’s roles – a subject close to our hearts at Toyboy Warehouse. Expect excellent feminist thought-pieces, personal advice columns and honest story-telling.

There you have it! The top 15 blogs that will help you make 2018 the dating year you want it to be and keep you amused and optimistic along the way. If you’re looking for another recommended blog or specific piece of advice, email in.

Don’t forget the best in dating advice, stories and news – Toyboy Warehouse Blog (we might be a bit biased on that one).

The post 15 Essential Dating Blogs for Singles in 2018 appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Gaynor is back with another Ask Gaynor session and this one is for you, Toyboys!

In this session, Gaynor talks about how to approach the all-important first date and explains why playing it cool isn’t doing you any favours, guys.

Ready to take a leap of faith, but want some expert advice to give you that final nudge? This one is definitely for you!

Remember, if you have a question for one of our experts, get in touch with us or in the comments and we’ll make sure your question gets answered!

The post When’s the right time to ask her on a first date? | Ask the Experts appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Welcome to the first of my column in which I will be looking to share my experiences not only with online dating but in particular dating a man much younger than yourself or indeed a man dating an older woman.

So who am I?

Like many of the ladies on here, I was married for many years to a lovely man but as the years went by, we began to grow apart, not because love had gone out of the window but because we were going along two very different paths.

By the time I reached my 40’s we made the decision to separate and I recall the first night in my new home feeling very lonely, lost and no idea where to start again

Online dating at the time was much in its infancy and many of my era were not only wary of joining one but embarrassed to do so as was I but after being single for over a year and believing I was a typical singleton out enjoying myself, it was a comment from a man who had tried on a few occasions to ‘chat’ me up that led me to the world of internet dating

His comment?

‘ I see you still have the force field around you!’

It was probably true. Up until when I separated, I knew nothing about dating, even meeting my then husband was through friends so I had no idea where to begin, what to say, how to look etc. When you’ve been in a long term relationship, whilst some would say they couldn’t wait to be free again for many others the prospect of dating again created fear and palpitations!!

Truth was I was scared of dating, scared of not being fancied, scared I’d say something stupid, scared about the possibility of at some point undressing in front of someone new and scared of my possible inexperience in the bedroom and because of this it was better to just look like I was enjoying myself and confident than actually be it!

However, over time as my confidence returned I took the chances thrown to me though not choosing to become a serial dater, I limited the number I actually met and as some of you who may have just plucked up the courage I’m sure this may be something you are already experiencing but look at this way, you’ve made the first step already!

I tried a couple of dating sites setting my age boundaries for men 40-50 but on the occasion I took to meet, I was often disappointed from the lack of both attraction and personality. Whilst many were generally successful career wise and intelligent what they lacked was the fundamental basic of actually just enjoying life

The more I went out, the more I found myself attracted to the younger man. They had life and energy, they were funny, they were confident without being brash, they were adventurous, they generally looked after themselves, they were fearless. I respected that in them though like any age group there will always be the ‘users and abusers’ and I mean that in a descriptive way rather than physical in terms of their aim of meeting an older woman

Don’t get me wrong I often questioned my own insecurities with regard to my body, my looks but over time they begin to realize that if they weren’t interested they wouldn’t be with you and of the men I’ve spoken top and met their main reason for dating an older woman is their confidence, their tenacity, their maturity in various subjects, the fact they don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone

We are also unlikely to be ranting on about the new shades of foundation or the latest mascara or indeed worry and fret next to our phone because he hasn’t answered our text after 5 minutes in fact more often than not, it is usually the man wondering why we haven’t!

We can be stronger, sexier and more desirable because of all that so ladies embrace what you have, don’t shy away from it because someone out there wants to see it.

Through this regular column I hope to allay fears of any woman or man contemplating the age divide in terms of relationships including the pitfalls, the upsides, the etiquette, the fun but most of all to prove you can experience as much if sometimes more when you throw the age rule book out of the window.

I will answer and address any questions or topics you wish to raise covering all boundaries of dating from how you make that initial step to strike up a conversation to meet for the first time through to keeping things fresh in the bedroom.

Tanya xx

The post Ask Tanya | Introducing Tanya appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

I have been struggling to define the relationships I appear to have acquired over the last few months.

Back in October last year, I wrote about friends who have sex with each other. Back then, I was quite clear in my mind what those relationships were.

These days, I’m not so sure.

One of my closest friends¹ had a revelation about me: dating is the only way I can have a social life. I have neither a spouse nor family here; I do not have a circle of friends I grew up or even went to university with, and since the Great Upheaval², most of whom I had labelled ‘friend’, well, aren’t, as this is his hometown.

The ones I can call mine are all either coupled up or have young children. I can’t just call them up and ask if they want to go out tonight. Every single excursion is an intensely and carefully co-ordinated effort and not just by me.

Arranging for a meet with a single, unencumbered young person, living 30 or even 50 miles away, is surprisingly easier than a night out with my friends who live in the same town.

It’s been a year almost to the day, since I started to ‘date’ as it were. Conscious me would say that I was seeking companions to have sexy fun with. I found a glittering bevy of beautiful, intriguing young men who excited my mind as well as my body. And on a few occasions, nourished my spirit. But friends?³.

Subconscious me wanted very much to make a friend. Someone I could just shoot the breeze with, who would feel comfortable hanging out with me and my little one, who wouldn’t care if sex wasn’t on the table. Someone whom I could chat with frequently, have random, philosophical conversations with late into the night, whom I could share scary shit without fear. A friend I could keep being friends with for quite a long time I guess.

My definition of a friend has undergone some radical changes since The Great Upheaval. I made new ones about 18 months ago who showed me what friendship could be. People whom I had thought of as friends, like the ones referred to in the article above, no longer fall under that category. What happens when you have shared confidences, been emotionally vulnerable before them, but then find that, actually, you can’t carry on as you are. What are you then? Ex-friends?

Perhaps I am thinking about this wrong. I had let go of the notion of a soulmate, Mr Right, the One, of the idea that a family is a couple with children/pets, that a successful “relationship” is one that lasts for life. Why should I hold on to the belief that a friend is for life? Or that they should prove themselves to be “true”, whatever that means.

Maybe, a friend is someone who is there for me when I need them and vice versa. Once our need for each other is past, and there is nothing to keep us together, would it be so bad to then stop being friends? Would the label “acquaintance” be so terrible?

In the last couple of months, I closed the chapter on three wonderful men I had the pleasure of “dating”. My association with two had lasted about 5 months, and with the third, several years. In that time, we were indeed friends. With two, I am not entirely sure why we stopped, but that’s OK, because there is a world full of friends I haven’t met yet.

Oh, will I stop “dating”? Nah! I like having sex with delightful, relaxing, young men far too much.

A photo posted by J Iron Word (@j.ironword) on Aug 6, 2016 at 10:59pm PDT

¹ Someone I saw every day, and shared so very much with, but has now gone home like ET. Might as well be a different planet. ² 20 year marriage disintegrated. ³ Suddenly they were too busy to meet or even talk.

*Serendipitously, Maria Popova at Brainpickings posted this thoughtful essay on “Reclaiming Friendship” this week, which addresses some of the issues I was wrestling with much more eloquently and with a great deal more depth.

The post Goodbye… Hello! appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

British Sex Lives Plummet after EU Referendum. Relationships across the UK Affected by Brexit Result (with Big Differences between the Leave and Remain Camps)

A ToyboyWarehouse.com poll of over 1100 couples across the UK has found British sex lives have dried up since the referendum result.

Almost 17% of couples polled claimed to have not had any sex since the result was announced, while 20% said they’ve been having sex ‘less often’.

Only 7% answered they were having sex ‘more often’ than usual.

The poll also asked what they blamed for their sudden lack of bedroom action. Most British couples answered it was due to a ‘general drop in mood’ with ‘anxiety/worry’ coming a close second. A small percentage put the fault down to relationship arguments from supporting different sides.

‘What this shows us is how easily affected our sex lives really are’ claims our resident relationship expert Lucy Jones. ‘Politics is far from a sexy subject. Regardless of how you voted the general British mood is hardly going to get those engines running’.

The poll also found big differences between the Remain, Leave and undecided camps.


Remain Voters

Asked whether they have had more and less sex than usual since the result, a fifth of In voters answered they have had less. While a huge 27% said they have not had sex at all.

Leave Voters

The vast majority of Out voters however claimed to see ‘no change’ in their sex life. A small percentage said it had increased, but not dramatically.

Undecided Voters

Similar changes could be seen by those in the undecided camp. Of those who didn’t align with either Remain or Leave, a massive 20% claimed to have been having sex less often than usual.

Will Brits ever get their sex lives back? Lucy Jones expects so, she claims ‘‘once the dust settles and our national mood improves things will return to normal”.

What’s your take on Brexit? Do you think it’s affect British Love lives?

The post How has Brexit affected your love life? (You might be surprised) appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Someone asked me recently if my sexual preferences were vanilla.

My immediate response was a raised eyebrow and slight panic, because for most of my life, this quote from American Beautysummed my attitude:

“I don’t think that there’s anything worse than being ordinary.”

Vanilla was boring. Vanilla was anathema.

What he was really asking was did I have any kinky preferences and that there was nothing wrong with being ordinary. Except, you know, see above.

Reflection is always revelatory: Damn it! It seems I like vanilla when it comes to sex. In fact, I love it.

I’d flirted with being a dominatrix, with slaps, degrading insults, and bondage. When it came to BDSM, flirting was exactly the level I was comfortable with.

What I found out also is that I really do not like being told what to do or how to do it. A certain amount of instruction is acceptable but apparently there is a line I have subconsciously drawn. I prefer to be very gently guided, shall we say.

So what do I like?

All the usual stuff that most straight¹ people get up to I guess: oral, a little spanking, some role-play, food play², light bondage, sensory deprivation (ooh, yes, please!), group sex, outdoors, video/virtual sex, sexting (big time) and probably a few other things I have forgotten.

The key for me is tenderness, gentleness and playfulness. I like being thrown about sometimes, much as a child loves being thrown up in the air. I like being suspended in mid-air and being in water. I do not like being taken to the edge — asphyxiation, drowning, arms tied behind my back³. Essentially, pain is a major turn off: causing and receiving. I know there is a blurring between pleasure and pain, that is, some pain can be pleasurable, but for me, the range is definitely  limited. Tragically, I appear to be horribly polite as well: I just cannot spit venom, so name-calling is definitely out (writing invective on the other hand…).

I like being stroked lightly and frequently best. Unfortunately, not something I had my decades’ long relationship; he was always just a little too heavy-handed no matter how much I tried to change that. Not surprisingly, it’s what I like doing best too.

I have a bit of knismolagnia — arousal from tickling — and I’m a tickler, rather than a ticklee. I’m remarkably unticklish and get tremendously turned on tickling someone until they’re ready to burst. Of course, they have to be turned on by that, otherwise it doesn’t work. I’d say that’s probably the only “kink” I have.

Sex to me is sweet and messy. Like candy floss or ice-cream. Both best savoured slowly with smiles and giggles. It’s child-like, and at its core, safe.

Does all that make my sexual preferences vanilla?

At a time when my home and creative career destructed, one of my oldest and dearest friends once said to me, “There is nothing wrong with normalcy, you know. God knows, you could do with some of that in your life.” Coming from a doyenne of the fashion world, I bowed to her superior wisdom, and found different ways to feed the need to be out of the ordinary. I had not, until now, even considered that I might not be anything special when it came to sex. Ah! But being creative with what is deemed ordinary, now that‘s the ticket.

The Oxford dictionary defines vanilla as

“Having no special or extra features; ordinary or standard”

If the opposite of that is pain, physical or otherwise, then I am proud to be vanilla. With sprinkles.

¹ In my life, I have gone through periods of preferring women to men. Sometimes, they overlap but I’d say right now I’m 90% straight.

² I met one person who couldn’t bear the idea of mess. So no food play. Or explosions while dressed.

³ Thought I was OK with this. Turns out not. Childhood incident. Long story.

The post When Vanilla is Better than Chocolate appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

The 2016 Cougar capital of the UK is… Leeds. A study into the dating preferences of single men and women across 13 major British cities has found the top Cougar and Toyboy hotspots across the UK.

Scroll down to see your city

A survey of over 2,300 average 40+ single women across 13 major UK cities has found that Leeds is the place to visit if you’re looking for a Cougar. The research asked women whether they’d consider dating someone at least 15 years younger than themselves. A massive 88% of those in Leeds said ‘yes’ – the home of British cougars.

Across the UK the average number of those who answered ‘yes’ was 56%, proving that over half of British women would consider dating someone at least 15 years younger.

The research, conducted by us at ToyboyWarehouse.com, also asked women if they considered themselves a Cougar. 35% said they definitely did, while 19% said while they’d like to date a younger man, the Cougar title might be bit too much.

As for the Toyboy capital of the UK, Swansea was on top. The survey asked just under 1,500 single men under the age of 30 ‘Would you date someone 15 years older than yourself?’. A huge 81% of those asked in Swansea said ‘yes’ compared the national average of 60%.

However, while 81% of single guys in Swansea said they’d date someone 15 years older than themselves, only 8% claimed they’d call themselves a Toyboy.

Unfortunately for Swansea Toyboys, only 35% of women from their city said they’d consider dating a younger man. However, luckily for Leeds Cougars over three quarters of men from Leeds said they’d happily date an older woman.

The home cities for celebrity UK Cougars didn’t fair so well. London, home for Cougars such as Danniella Westbrook and Fifty Shades director Sam Taylor-Johnson, only had 53% of women saying they’d date a younger man, below the national average.

Nottingham was found to be the place with the least number of Cougars, with only a third saying they’d date someone 15 years younger. As for the UK city with the least Toyboys, Belfast with 29%

Liverpool and Manchester came 2nd and 3rd, with 67% and 64% of women looking to date younger men.

London and Leeds came 2nd and 3rd in most number of Toyboys, with 78% and 76%.

The post Is your city the cougar or toyboy capital of the UK? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Not everyone’s right for us. Can you take rejection gracefully?

One of the good things about growing older and feeling more comfortable in one’s own skin is discovering the ability to say no.

Many of us ladies have been taught to be people-pleasers from the year dot; do you want to be loved, little girl? Then you’re going to have to be pretty, be NICE, be quiet and put others FIRST, little lady.

GOD it’s stifling. It’s enough to make you want to fall face-down into some Pinot Grigio and never get back up.

So there’s an incredible freedom in finally tuning into our gut feelings and acting on them once we hit the big 4-0. There’s a level of discernment about what we want, who we want to be and who we want in our lives which we’re finally able to access and act upon.

And yep; sometimes that self-same discernment is going to rule against you.

There’s no way to sugar-coat it; your multiple messages may fall on deaf ears. Your welter of winking will not catch her eye. Your avalanche of cards will fall through her digital letter box resolutely and unequivocally unopened.

It’ll feel damn unfair, I know. Why won’t she reply? Why won’t she just say ‘hi’? What the hell is wrong with her for not even checking out your profile? (Whisper it) what’s wrong with YOU?

Why won’t this potential love of your life/desired temporary receptacle for your bodily fluids RESPOND GOD DAMN IT?

Here’s the painful truth: You are not entitled to a woman’s attention.

Nope. You’re not. Nuh-huh. No matter how hot you find her, how horny you are or how grateful she should be, you’ve been sold a lie to expect it and we women have been sold a lie to comply. A lie an older woman just sighs at and exhales, “Oh, fuck that shit.”

I can’t speak for other women but I want someone who adds something beautiful to my already busy life, and it takes a hell of a lot to make the cut. I only want people who inspire mutual joy, who share a desire to grow and learn, and who are as equally generous and emotionally secure as I am.

I’m not looking for a quick fling or a physical fumble at the back of your nearest cocktail bar (sorry about that), so why waste my limited time on guys who appear demanding, immature, self-interested, attention-seeking or otherwise unattractive to my eyes? You may say I’m judging a book by its cover, and that that’s unfair; I say, in the era of high-quality smartphone cameras it’s easier than ever to have a better cover and even then, not everyone wants to read every book. Sorry.

(Face it; do YOU find every single woman attractive simply because she’s older than you? If so, son, you may have a condition *coughs*. For every hot MILF you’d like to F, there’s at least another in a slightly dubious boob tube who you’d turn your back on if she fell over drunk on the dance floor, right?)

I know, I know; rejection hurts. Science (clever science) has shown that social rejection makes the same bits of your brain light up as physical pain does. So if it ever feels like you’ve been kicked in the stomach, your brain pretty-much agrees that you have.

Take comfort in the fact that it happens to everyone (I’ve been knocked-back more times than those aforementioned Pinot Grigios); that it’s probably about them not than you (except when it’s TOTALLY about you, sorry about that, get a good friend to give you some honest feedback, bruv); and embrace it as a learning opportunity – if you’re getting a headache from banging your head against a brick wall, it’s nature’s way of suggesting you move along and try going through someone else’s door instead. Please?

We all experience rejection in our lives; not all of us are classy in how we handle it.

Are you?

The post Can you handle it? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.