Gender – Toyboy Warehouse https://toyboywarehouse.com Toyboy and cougar dating Thu, 16 Dec 2021 12:37:44 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.2.23 Why I Choose To Date Younger Men https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/chose-date-younger-men/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/chose-date-younger-men/#comments Tue, 01 Dec 2020 15:38:56 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=5323

UKs Largest Dating and Relationship Site For Older Women And Younger Man If you’re looking to jump back into the dating world, why not try one of the most active and vibrant dating platforms? For over a decade, Toyboy Warehouse has been matching handsome younger men with mature women. From love, lust to romance, every […]

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So let me set the scene for you.

My 20-plus-year marriage had ended, a lonely, passionless and pretty miserable final few years. No intimacy, no sex. I had turned into my great-aunt Maud, a dried-up old prune.

During this time I met a guy while taking a course. He was 10 years younger and charming. What followed was an intoxicating foray into text flirting—leaving me quite giddy with rapidly thawing frigidity and the profound realisation that I’d lived my previous 20 years in a sort of coma. That friendship, however, remained platonic.

The attitude of men my own age saddened me, and I became frustrated by their idea of foreplay (not to mention the postcoital narcolepsy five minutes later. So, I told myself, wasn’t it about time I did a little road testing of some younger models? (Purely in the name of market research, you understand…)

I had begun to realise that I’m a nonconformist—a rule-breaker and risk-taker… and, further, that I’m completely comfortable with my own nonconformity. I was 47, and it was about bloody time I celebrated the Rebel Rebel in me.

Around that time an acquaintance told me about a dating website called Toyboy Warehouse. She added that she couldn’t possibly sign up on that site because of insecurities about being overweight/out of shape/unfit/wrinkly/timid… I’ll bet you can already guess my response…

Where do I sign up?

It’s a curious old thing–the word cougar sounds rather threatening and predatory, don’t you think? Yet “threatening” and “predatory” are absolutely not words I would ever use to describe myself. So I was curious as I registered my details, a short, bio, my height, hair colour, AGE and other details, I signed up and held my breath! What world was I entering?

My girlfriends fell into two camps: those utterly horrified by what I was about to embark upon (secretly jealous I reckoned) and those who cheered me on and wanted all the details (maybe just a bit jealous but also excited about living vicariously through me)!

I joined the site because I like a dare!  I was looking for fun, flirting, sex, and education. What I did not expect was that great friendships would develop, along with a level of intimacy that I’d never before experienced before in my life. And, best of all, more attention, devotion and laughter than during two decades of marriage.

And the sex. Oh, the sex was extraordinary. Selfless and attentive and satisfying. You see, the reality is far from the cultural icon of Mrs. Robinson. In fact, the most likely scenario for a woman with a younger partner is that she has arrived at midlife having had a long long-term relationship, few sexual partners, several children, and a pretty boring sex life.

These young men are thrilled to be able to teach an older woman some new tricks!

Why do younger men date older women?

I was curious, so questioned these beautiful young men on their reasons for hanging out with an older woman. (The men I have met are on average 15 years younger than me)—and their answers were enlightening.

  • Intelligent conversation
  • Independent—An older woman doesn’t NEED a man to validate her existence
  • Sexually more adventurous—and happy to try new things
  • Sexy without even knowing it—comfortable in her own skin
  • Accepting of her partner.
  • All woman – the real deal….generally without silicon and self-obsessed grooming practices.
  • Able to teach about relationships in a non-threatening way.

In the beginning I did begin a rendezvous by justifying myself, explaining that my body was not that of a 25-year-old; that I’d carried, given birth to, and nursed my children, blah, blah. And then a finger came up to my lips to silence all my disclaimers.

“Have you any idea how amazing I get to feel because YOU chose me?” was the response I got from one beautiful young man.

“I get to be myself with you,” he added. Good grief, I didn’t see that one coming. We get so caught up in our own insecurities about how we look that we lose sight of what’s really important, about who we are on the inside.  I found that in these nontraditional older-younger relationships, both my partner and I got to be who we really are—masks removed.

Ladies, don’t wait until you’re “perfect” before you get out there dating again. Get out there right away and do some exploring—you might just end up having the time of your life.

Haven’t tried Toyboy Warehouse for yourself? Join the Fun

Read more lessons about midlife in Rebecca’s book Best Knickers Always

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What Do They Really Think Of That Message You Sent? https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/really-think-message-sent/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/really-think-message-sent/#respond Wed, 26 Dec 2018 16:08:07 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=10292

For anyone who has completed copious amounts research into mind reading and have cracked the code to finally hear other people’s thoughts, don’t bother reading this. For the rest of you, you’re in luck, today you’re about to find out what other people really think when reading your dating messages, all without the aid of psychic abilities. […]

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For anyone who has completed copious amounts research into mind reading and have cracked the code to finally hear other people’s thoughts, don’t bother reading this.

For the rest of you, you’re in luck, today you’re about to find out what other people really think when reading your dating messages, all without the aid of psychic abilities. That’s right, we asked a random segment of cougar dating site Toyboy Warehouse members exactly what goes through their head after reading your beautifully scripted DMs. The results may shock you.

We asked the girls…

Message: “Hey x”

The girls said: You guessed it, it’s a big fat ‘no’. On Toyboy Warehouse, women get 3x more messages than men. So a first message is really an opportunity to stand out from the crowd. Even if you’re the next Brad Pitt, with a bank balance to match, message with just a ‘hey’ at your peril. The consensus has spoken, it’s not going to end well for you.

Message: ‘Hey, I’ve been single for soo long, please date me!’

The girls said: You guessed it again. It you fancy sending a downbeat first message, you’re going to get a downbeat reply – if one at all.

Message: “You look beautiful/attractive/sexy”

The girls said: Compliments are a funny thing, sometimes they can bring joy, other times they can make you look a little bit creepy. But according to a group of our members, that distinction isn’t random.

Unsolicited physical compliments, for the most part, were seen negatively. Unless there was a little rapport already built, even the nicest compliment comes across needy and weird. So if you do want to say something nice about someone’s appearance, try and build a foundation first. However, maybe you’re looking to compliment something other than appearance, for example:

  • ‘wow, you’re a X? A lot of my family are X, I also thought it was amazing to have a job that makes such a difference in people’s lives’
  • ‘Is that actually you in that rock climbing picture? That’s so high! Awesome job!’

Compliments such as these were looked on much more favourably. It still possible to be a bit creepy if done wrong, but as long as you’re kind and sincere it’s a great way to get some dating brownie points.

Message: Corny pick up line

The girls said: It looks like the corny pick up line has made full circle and is now a perfectly acceptable first message. The consensus said a funny pick up line is a great way to say hello, only if it was done in a slightly self-deprecating way. As long as the other person intended it to be corny, and not actually a pick up line that would work every time, then it’s considered a sweet and fun first message.

We asked the guys…

Message: ‘You eyes/hair/muscles looks good’

The guys said: It seems physical compliments were a big ‘yes, please’ from the guys. The general consensus said it’s a nice little ego-boost and a good way to show you’re interested. It’s worth keeping it pretty clean (nothing too explicit) but being a little flirty or sexy with it is perfectly acceptable.

Message: ‘Can I get your phone number?’

The guys said: While the ladies making that the big leap and asking for a phone number is mostly appreciated, it being a first message is considered a little forward. Accordingly to the guys, 3-5 messages was sufficient before asking for a phone number. Anything less seems a little desperate, anything more and you’re at risk of just being a ‘dating site friend’ and never anything more.

Message: “Hey x’

The guys said: There’s a general consensus that guys shouldn’t just message ‘hey’, that women don’t like it and that it rarely leads to a reply. It turns out the same is true for women. Our members called the simple ‘hey’ message ‘lazy’ and something ‘not really worth a reply’.

Message: ‘Hey, I’ve been single for soo long, please date me!’

The guys said: While this may be a little dramatic, variations on a pessimistic or downbeat first message are not received very well. The most common response was that desperation is a little unattractive. While the other person may not be the happiest bunny in the world, starting off your dating journey with a downbeat message isn’t the best way to go.

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Essential Reading/Listening For Your Dating Life – December ’18 https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/essential-reading-listening-dec-18/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/essential-reading-listening-dec-18/#respond Sun, 23 Dec 2018 18:25:45 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=10302

Toyboy Warehouse isn’t just the UK’s largest cougar dating site, after inhouse dating experts are world renowned for their insight. That’s why we’ve uncovered the most essential books, podcasts, video series, etc. on all things dating. Whether you’re newly single, someone making the most of their bachelor/bachelorette life or a lucky so-and-so settling in to another relationship, these […]

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Toyboy Warehouse isn’t just the UK’s largest cougar dating site, after inhouse dating experts are world renowned for their insight. That’s why we’ve uncovered the most essential books, podcasts, video series, etc. on all things dating. Whether you’re newly single, someone making the most of their bachelor/bachelorette life or a lucky so-and-so settling in to another relationship, these are the most essential books and podcasts you need to be checking out.

Is there something we’ve missed off the list? Let us know in the comments.

April Kirkwood, Working My Way Back To Me

For rural Ohio beauty queen April Kirkwood, her #MeToo moment came way before the term was coined. She lost her virginity to the middle-aged Frankie Valli at 16, after a decade pursuing a childhood fantasy to be the crooner’s wife. Through April’s eyes, we experience joys and heartaches that echo across more than a half-century of old family secrets and ways, and the triumphs and defeats involved in trying to break the mould. The book sheds light on universal struggles involving love, sexuality, addiction, and mental health. April’s adventures lead to betrayal and suffering, and her fate depends on family. April must learn the fine line between guidance and sabotage as she claws her way to a future not as a saviour, but as a fiercely accomplished woman.

Check out Working My Way Back To Me


The Couples Counsel by Dr. & Mrs. Mercier

Relationships don’t always go the way we hoped and often include poor communication, money fights, and lack of sex & intimacy. Dr. & Mrs. Mercier believe the challenges in relationships are opportunities for growth. That is why they have made it their purpose to equip couples and families with the necessary tools for happy and healthy relationships.

Check out The Couples Counsel


Maria Leonard Olsen, 50 After 50

When lawyer/journalist Olsen reached age 50, she decided to try 50 new things that were significant to her. As a woman in recovery, the author values the time she has left, and through her own story, urges readers to do the same via activities such as singing like no one’s listening, riding a horse, and performing random acts of kindness. She enumerates many more exercises under the headings of “spiritual endeavours,” “thrill seeking ventures,” “lifestyle changes,” and so forth, but the message is that we should value and embrace life to the fullest. VERDICT An inspiring read for those who are in or have passed through middle age.

Check out 50 After 50


Diana Raab, Lust

A passionate journey through private emotional moments, Diana Raab’s Lust voices the pain of loneliness and the heart’s yearning for love while transcending the depths of human desire. In her fourth book of poetry, Raab employs narrative verse that is alive, titillating, and seductive. Lust examines the emotional and physical complexity of love, helping readers navigate the risks of intimacy as we move toward the realisation that every experience enriches our lives, whether we perceive it as joy, pain, or out of the ordinary. Yet for all their psychological richness, the poems’s simplicity and accessibility will resonate with women and men across all walks of life. Lust is a book you won’t put down and won’t soon forget.

Check out Lust


 

Sign up to Toyboy Warehouse – the home of British cougars and toyboys.

 

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15 Essential Dating Blogs for Singles in 2018 https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/15-essential-dating-blogs-dating-2018/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/15-essential-dating-blogs-dating-2018/#comments Wed, 04 Jul 2018 09:30:47 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=6232

Over the years, being in the industry has given us detailed knowledge of which bloggers are blogging from the heart, and which are full of hot air. So your favourite cougar dating site, Toyboy Warehouse, is running through its favorite 15 dating blogs that will provide the tips you need, the anecdotes you crave and a good laugh when […]

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Over the years, being in the industry has given us detailed knowledge of which bloggers are blogging from the heart, and which are full of hot air. So your favourite cougar dating site, Toyboy Warehouse, is running through its favorite 15 dating blogs that will provide the tips you need, the anecdotes you crave and a good laugh when all else fails.

1. Dating Goddess: As explained in her Adventures in dating after 40, mature dating sometimes comes with a few unexpected twists, the best way to get past them is by sharing and no blog is better at providing honest, thoughtful musings on dating for 40+ than this.

2. Soon2becatlady: When you need a refreshing giggle at the drama and misadventure that comes with dating in the digital age, I recommend Soon2becatlady (spoiler: she’s not resorted to getting cats just yet!)

3. 40 Days of Dating: follows a unique and interesting social experiment conducted by two good friends, Jessica in Timothy, in New York. Tired of finding opposite problems in their dating lives, they decided to date each other for 40 days – to entertaining and often enlightening effect. (And it went so well, they’re making a book!)

Toyboy Warehouse: Best Dating Blogs 2015

4. DatingAdvice.com: If you’re looking for expert dating advice from people with both the personal and academic qualifications to give it, you might try DatingAdvice.com. As well as providing intelligent advice for both men and women, they also have an expert in mature dating, April Braswell, whose blogs shed light on the challenges of dating for the experienced, but keeps it fun and entertaining too. You can even ask them dating questions via Twitter (@DatingAdviceCom)

5. She Knows: It’s likely in your dating life you’re thinking about your sex life too. Find revealing ideas, frank advice and ideas to heat up your other love life on the She Knows blog.

Toyboy Warehouse: Best Dating Advice Blogs 2015

6. 30 Dates: As well as providing excellent insights with her 30 Dates experiment, Charly Lester’s 30 Dates Blog is an inspiration to anyone looking to create their own dating blog too. Her 30 adventures are a great reminder that when it comes to dating you really have to just get out there.

7. Buzzfeed Dating Blog: If you’re just looking for a laugh or something to pass 15 minutes on your commute, the indisputable masters of quick, easily-digested content is always Buzzfeed. Their dating blogs are guaranteed to amuse you, and their quizzes provide you with useful answers to burning questions such as ‘Which fictional serial killer should I date?‘ (and eventually be killed by).

8. Single Dating Diva: Check out Single Dating Diva if you’re looking for advice to a specific question affecting your love life. Her top tips also contain some cheerful words to keep you smiling when this big ol’ numbers game has got you down.

Toyboy Warehouse: Best Dating Advice Blogs 2015

9. We Love Dates: The definitive mother-load of online dating advice is available at the award winning We Love Dates blog. Their specialty is list blogs that are well known for being irresistibly readable, but without sacrificing strong, actionable advice.

10. Time Out Dating: Keeping up to date with the latest trends in online dating and technology affecting it is easier than ever with the Time Out Dating Blog, now written by 30 Dates’ Charly Lester. The results of their Global Dating Survey will show you which cities are best for dating, which cities are worst for dating and which accent the world finds irresistible (hint, you might like the answer to this one!)

11. Huffington Post: Prolific bloggers across every genre, The Huffington Post Dating Blog will provide you with a lot more than just a list of ‘5 best dating outfits for 2018’. Peruse these dating musings when you’re looking for a serious perspective on modern dating issues.

12. Divorced Girl Smiling: At Toyboy Warehouse, we know how divorce affects you when it comes to getting back on the horse again. Luckily Divorced Girl Smiling‘s blog is devoted to just that. Give it a read when you’re looking for some empathy.

Toyboy Warehouse: Best Dating Advice Blogs 2015

13. Divorced Guy Grinning: And – of course – as divorce is a two way street, the equally excellent Divorced Guy Grinning is there to support men in the same boat and share the problems

14. Men’s Fitness: Providing excellent advice for men (and a good laugh for women) in this interactive mock-dating site, Men’s Fitness created a fake profile and got real expert analysis from professionals and single women. A must for any man who wants to succeed with women as you’ll learn exactly what’s going through her mind when you send a message bragging about your manhood. Check it out.

15. Role Reboot: A personal favorite, the Role Reboot blog is dedicated to challenging out-dated conceptions about men and women’s roles – a subject close to our hearts at Toyboy Warehouse. Expect excellent feminist thought-pieces, personal advice columns and honest story-telling.

There you have it! The top 15 blogs that will help you make 2018 the dating year you want it to be and keep you amused and optimistic along the way. If you’re looking for another recommended blog or specific piece of advice, email in.

Don’t forget the best in dating advice, stories and news – Toyboy Warehouse Blog (we might be a bit biased on that one).

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When’s the right time to ask her on a first date? | Ask the Experts https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/whens-right-time-ask-first-date-ask-experts/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/whens-right-time-ask-first-date-ask-experts/#respond Wed, 02 May 2018 13:47:33 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=10208

Gaynor is back with another Ask Gaynor session and this one is for you, Toyboys! In this session, Gaynor talks about how to approach the all-important first date and explains why playing it cool isn’t doing you any favours, guys. Ready to take a leap of faith, but want some expert advice to give you that final […]

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Gaynor is back with another Ask Gaynor session and this one is for you, Toyboys!

In this session, Gaynor talks about how to approach the all-important first date and explains why playing it cool isn’t doing you any favours, guys.

Ready to take a leap of faith, but want some expert advice to give you that final nudge? This one is definitely for you!

Remember, if you have a question for one of our experts, get in touch with us or in the comments and we’ll make sure your question gets answered!

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Are they really into you or is it just about sex? | Ask the Experts https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/really-just-sex-ask-experts/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/really-just-sex-ask-experts/#respond Wed, 21 Mar 2018 17:25:03 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=10175

“How do I know if he’s genuinely interested in getting to know me?” We know that some of the greatest relationships can blossom from something that started as purely physical, but sometimes you want to know exactly where you stand before agreeing to go on your first date. Unfortunately, without Derren Brown’s ability to read […]

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“How do I know if he’s genuinely interested in getting to know me?”

We know that some of the greatest relationships can blossom from something that started as purely physical, but sometimes you want to know exactly where you stand before agreeing to go on your first date. Unfortunately, without Derren Brown’s ability to read minds, we’re often left guessing and it can sometimes hold us back from going for that first drink and seeing what could be…

Gaynor is back and this time she’s helping you navigate the minefield of the online dating world, helping you to spot the signals and handle tricky conversations to help you determine whether he’s genuinely interested or focussed on the ‘end game’.

Don’t forget, if you have a question for any of our experts leave a comment or send us an email and we’ll make sure that they get answered!

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‘Are we exclusive?’ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/ask-experts-exclusive/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/ask-experts-exclusive/#respond Mon, 06 Nov 2017 15:04:46 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=10112

Wondering whether you’re the only one in his life, but too scared to ask? 💕 Toyboy dating expert, Gaynor is back and answering another of your questions. This time we’re delving into the minefield that is ‘exclusivity’ and Gaynor’s sharing her words of wisdom on when a relationship becomes exclusive and how to broach the […]

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Wondering whether you’re the only one in his life, but too scared to ask? 💕

Toyboy dating expert, Gaynor is back and answering another of your questions. This time we’re delving into the minefield that is ‘exclusivity’ and Gaynor’s sharing her words of wisdom on when a relationship becomes exclusive and how to broach the subject without sending the other person running for the hills!

Don’t forget – if you have a question for any of our experts, let us know by commenting on the blog or get in touch with us! x

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How Chivalry Will Make or Break Your Relationship https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/chivalry-will-make-break-relationship/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/chivalry-will-make-break-relationship/#respond Fri, 20 Jan 2017 17:59:16 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=7074

So, you got the girl. Success. Been in a relationship for months. Success. Cohabiting or even getting married. Success. You laid out the foundations of your future, thinking not just about you and your partner, but children too. It all seemed to come together, an idyllic union so cliché that you marvelled at how ridiculously […]

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So, you got the girl. Success. Been in a relationship for months. Success. Cohabiting or even getting married. Success. You laid out the foundations of your future, thinking not just about you and your partner, but children too. It all seemed to come together, an idyllic union so cliché that you marvelled at how ridiculously elegant it all was.

But now you find yourself nostalgic about an earlier pre-relationship life, asking, ‘Remember when I was single…?’ Maybe your relationship is not as healthy as you think. I recently got thinking about the notion that some couples are not honest with each other – not in terms of fidelity, but in being themselves, transparent and forthright. A friend had recently opened up to me about his girlfriend of three months. It was a rare glimpse: he always kept friends at an arm’s-length when it concerned his personal life. So when he told me his relationship had, to put in his words, ‘come to a standstill,’ I knew it was a bona fide concern. ‘Things aren’t looking too good for us. I feel like crap, but honestly I wish that she’d just tell me to go.’ I asked him why, and to my surprise, he shrugged, stating she despised chivalry, and that their relationship was nothing more than a game of maintaining façades. It took me a moment to process what he had said, as we stood in a library perusing books to pass the time. I failed to reconcile the reasoning and my friend’s personality; he is the sort of guy who would open doors for women, lend an ear to female friends who were going through a rough patch, and chin-wagging to lighten the mood. It was difficult to imagine that the respect of a mild-mannered, six-foot something bloke that had once served as a building block for his relationship proved to be detrimental.

A few weeks later they parted ways, and like everything they left unsaid to one another, their relationship was swept under the carpet. Was this simply a case of better soon then later? Maybe. Yet, this perception of chivalry needs to be more broadly addressed. Here, relationship etiquette becomes even muddier. When is chivalry adequate? When is it stifling the imbalance that many couples value as part of nurturing a healthy relationship?

I believe that chivalry is a two-sided coin. Where one may consider gallantry a romantic aspect, another may find it patronising. Given the topicality of gender equality, shouldn’t chivalry be reciprocated, woman-to-man? According to the Daily Mail, research indicated that seven per cent of women find chivalry patronising while only one in seven men will offer their seat to a woman for fear of causing offence.[1] So, there you have it. Chivalry is akin to a leap of faith – just give it a try. You may just meet your soul mate! Okay, that is a stretch, but regardless, it surely is not a terrible thing in the world; rather, it is something that is sorely lacking – don’t let fear of rejection overshadow benevolence. For couples, if you find it disrupting the harmony, ease off, and most of all, communicate and understand each other. A surprise breakfast in bed would do no harm. On the other hand, if you’re being kind out of a need to bottle up emotions and avoid honesty with you partner (as my friend was told he doing), think about the long-term prospects of your relationship. It’s better to be close and honest than living in faux happiness.

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Donald Trump: A Woman Dating Over 35? Don’t Even Bother https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/donald-trump-woman-dating-35-dont-even-bother/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/donald-trump-woman-dating-35-dont-even-bother/#comments Wed, 09 Nov 2016 15:01:04 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=9784

That’s right folks, in the long line of groups of people President-elect Donald Trump has insulted, mature women daters are now an addition. In an interview with radio shock-jock Howard Stern, Donald Trump discussed dating women and how important their age is. In the newly released tape from a 2002 interview, Trump calls 30 ‘a perfect […]

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That’s right folks, in the long line of groups of people President-elect Donald Trump has insulted, mature women daters are now an addition.

In an interview with radio shock-jock Howard Stern, Donald Trump discussed dating women and how important their age is.

In the newly released tape from a 2002 interview, Trump calls 30 ‘a perfect age’.

So, how about 35? The soon-to-be President of the US says, ‘What is it at 35? It’s called check-out time’.

It’s far from the first time Trump has made misogynistic and lewd comments on Howard Stern’s show. In a bizarre 2006 interview, the topic of Trump’s daughter, Ivanka Trump, and her ‘voluptuous’ figure came up. Stern asked Trump if he can call Ivanka “a piece of ass,” to which Trump responds “yeah”.

Other controversial instances on Stern’s show include a 2010 interview where, in reference to Tiger Wood’s affair, Trump rejected the idea people can suffer from ‘sexual addiction’. In a 2005 interview, Trump talked about sleeping with contestants of his beauty pageants when offered, saying’ as the owner of the pageant, it’s your obligation to do that’. He also joked about being allowed in the contestants changing rooms, ‘you see these incredible looking women, and so, I sort of get away with things like that’.

Our thoughts

Toyboy Warehouse has seen thousands of mature women date and have fantastic relationships, is it time we pack up and go home? Is it true that after 35 women can no longer date, that they have to resign themselves with ‘checking out’?

It’s pretty clear to see we have some reservations with the above questions. The sentiment behind Trump’s words isn’t anything new, older women are expected to resign themselves to invisibility, to not be seen when others weigh up their dating options – it’s a pretty awful superpower.

When in actuality this sound be the loudest years of women’s lives, where sexual and relationship freedom means any and all enjoyment can be found.

What’s your thoughts on Trump’s comments?

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Dating After Divorce? The 5 Need-to-Know Mistakes You’re Making https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/dating-divorce-mistakes/ https://toyboywarehouse.com/blog/dating-divorce-mistakes/#respond Thu, 13 Oct 2016 15:44:47 +0000 https://toyboywarehouse.com/?p=9655

For many, divorce it a liberating experience, for others it is a depressing one. Where do you I go from here? How do I date again? What will my life now look like? More than anything, the uncertainty of the future is what troubles new divorcees. The journey ahead can be a fantastic one, if you know which […]

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For many, divorce it a liberating experience, for others it is a depressing one. Where do you I go from here? How do I date again? What will my life now look like? More than anything, the uncertainty of the future is what troubles new divorcees. The journey ahead can be a fantastic one, if you know which path to take.

Focusing on getting to know men, not getting to know you

Who are you?  No really, who are you? Marriage can be a wonderful thing, but it does alter who you are. Areas of yourself merge into your partner, you adopt traits you never had before, the characteristics that once belonged to you are now shared. This is great and all, it develops who you are a person, making you a richer, more intricate version of yourself. Yet, when you’re cut off from that relationship those areas of your personality become quite confusing.

How much of who you are and how you act is actually you? How much was a temporary change because you spent so much time with your partner? How much has now been adopted by your very self, so much so that you’re unable to see the line between you and not you? These are the questions you must answer before dating after a divorce. Start understanding you, the real you. Is a hobby of yours actually something you’re interested in, or just something you happen to do because your partner did it? Find yourself acting in a particular way that now seems alien to you, was it ever part of your personality or just a mimicry of your ex? It’s amazing how others can have an impact on our lives, but if you don’t spend time distancing yourself from people who are now out of your life, that impact can still remain. How is a new partner supposed to get to know you if the person you’re being isn’t actually you?

How do you do this? Time is the most important factor, these traits will naturally disappear with time. It also helps to acknowledge them, take some time to yourself to observe how you act and behave, think carefully on whether this is me or just a shadow of your ex.

 

How has your life changed after your divorce?

 

Not recovering from that hit to your social life

For many divorcees, one of the biggest changes they notice is how their social life alters, how it starts to disappear. Don’t worry, this is very common. When you were married you made friends with other married people, many of your connections were through your partner, many of the activities you took part in catered to couples.

The friends you had when you were married are not necessarily no longer your friends. It’s important to remember your marriage didn’t dictate your relationship with these people, it may have instigated it, but it wasn’t an essential part of it. With that being said, you may have to put in some effort in continuing those relationships. Force yourself to reach out to these people and strengthen the bond you already once had. For your friends nothing has really changed, they’re still in their relationships and still have most of the same friends. That means it’s up to you to make contact and ensure your friendship doesn’t disappear.

In doing this try and introduce ‘non-couple’ activities. It’s very easy when you’re in a relationship to fall into a routine of doing couple based hobbies. Branch out and bring in a little innovation to your friendship circle.

 

Your sole focus is ‘how can the people around me help me

In difficult times we look to others for help, but many times we should be doing the opposite and helping others. Have other friends/family members recently become divorced? Did you reach out to them during what may be a difficult time? If you did, great! If you didn’t, you can understand how support is a two-way street.

To enrich your friendship circle, offer help instead of ask for it. Meet new people by volunteering and helping worthwhile causes. Reach out to people who you lost contact with because they were going through a difficult period. It’s surprising how the wonderful feeling of helping others can in turn help you.

 

‘Hi, I’m Jane, I’m divorced’

Name tag on jacket for you to fill out.

Does it sometimes feel you walk around with a name badge that says something like that. Relationships are universal, nearly all cultures have marriages and divorces, millions are divorced and millions are currently married. When a relationship status is so common, does it necessarily need to define you?

You are the same person you were before you were married. Yes, experiences and time may have changed you but it has not removed who you are. We apply categories and groups to understand different people, but we are never just the qualities of those groups, we are so much more complex. That is why assigning yourself as a divorcee, thinking of yourself as a person who is divorced, is a poor mindset to have. You are who you are, you are the same person, you just happen to also have a previous marriage. You must remember it does define you, it is just a small area of the multifaceted person that is you.

 

Dating has changed

With so many new dating apps, sites, rules, codewords, mannerisms, it may seem impossible to branch out back into the dating world. To get over that fear, simply remember it isn’t a bad thing to now know something. You are new the dating world, you are unfamiliar to many things, enjoy the experience of learning how people now meet and date. Remain open to new experience, enrich these experiences with the insight you’ve gained through your marriage.

Dating sites and apps aren’t a scary place to be. They are also not a one solution fix to your problems. Try these services with an open mind, be aware there may be things you don’t like, but be ready for the experiences that will enthral and delight you.

 

Toyboy Warehouse has been providing love, lust and romance for 10 years, we have seen how difficult divorce can be, we have seen how freeing it can become. We’ve seen thousands of individuals regain their life and experience joy they never thought they would have when married. Learn to not make the mistakes many new divorcees have and remain open the exciting world that is now in front of you.

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