Dating and relationship problems.

We all have them. Now there’s somewhere to share them.

Get answers to all of those questions that you just can’t ask anyone else right here.

Whatever the issue may be, whether you’re embarking on a brand new relationship with someone onsite, terminally single and looking or just plain lost, Toyboy Warehouses’ relationship experts are on hand to give you answers to all your questions. Simply email your question(s) to [email protected] and each week, 4 of them will be solved by one of our Toyboy Warehouse experts. The answers will be published on our blog – but don’t worry, your name won’t appear! There’s no judgement, just free and friendly advice.

This week, your questions were answered by author and expert Toyboy Warehouse member Wendy Salisbury. All names have been changed, so don’t try to guess who this may be!

To see your questions answered in this space next time, simply email them to [email protected]

You asked:

I’ve dated two women from the site and both relationships have ended because our connection was physical and not emotional. I just don’t know how to keep an older woman interested, how can I make sure she won’t get bored? – Robert, 28

Wendy replied:

Hi Robert,

It’s rare for individuals to click on every level.  In fact, it’s a miracle if they do!  A physical connection is wonderful – it means there’s good chemistry there – but the mental connection can be harder to achieve.  It may not be you, though; some women find it hard to engage emotionally especially if they’ve been hurt before.  They may just be trying to protect themselves and not give too much away.

As with all relationships, try to find common ground: books, movies, music, family, travel, art.  Two intelligent people, no matter their age difference, can always find something to talk about.  Making each other laugh is also important but try to avoid telling jokes – if she’s older then you, she may well have heard them before!

If you’ve only had this experience with two women, keep on trying.  Maybe the women you met were not the right ones for you.

Dating is like life: you can’t get on with everybody!

Best of luck!

Wendy

 You asked:

My face is well-known in my industry, I have a top-class reputation that I’ve worked really hard to achieve. But this can make dating really complicated for me. Sometimes I’ve even hidden my name from dates in the past because I don’t want to meet men who want me for my money/status. Do you have any advice to help me spot and avoid the wrong kind of guy? – Vivienne, 46

Wendy replied:

 Hi Vivienne,

As with any situation, avoiding the wrong route is mostly a matter of instinct and intuition.  Do you trust the person you’re talking to?  Do they seem genuinely interested in who you are, even if they know WHO YOU ARE?  It’s flattering to be recognized but not if they’re going to build on their reputation by bragging about yours.

A younger guy will probably be more impressionable so you may want to avoid the 20-somethings (as cute as they may be).  Go for someone in their late 30s or 40s – at least they’ll be more grounded with more life experience.

There will always be a social imbalance when the female is wealthier than the male.  He can, of course, bring other qualities to the party but finances are a delicate matter.  The words Sugar Daddy exist for a reason and if you don’t want to become a Sugar Mummy, you must start as you mean to continue i.e. keep a hold on your purse. You don’t want to become a meal ticket or effectively be paying for sex.  You may as well hire a gigolo!

With regard to your high profile, if your date turned out to be a hot young Hollywood actor or even George Clooney, imagine how you’d react?  It is human nature to be impressed by fame and fortune, but a real gentleman should remain cool and unruffled rather than ask you for your autograph.

The best judge of any situation is always your gut feeling, so have faith and trust in that. There are good men out there who will respect you no matter who you are or what you do.  You just have to sort the wheat from the chaff (or in this case the sweet from the chav).

Best of luck!

Wendy

If you’d like answers to any questions that you have, send them in to [email protected]

The post Ask Wendy Part 2: Your Relationship Problems Solved appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Sometimes a problem pops up and it’s something you just can’t share with your family and friends. Luckily Toyboy Warehouse are giving you the chance to air your relationship worries – anonymously! – and in return you get some real, intelligent advice from our panel of male and female dating experts. Our experts are notable faces who you will recognize both from their presence on Toyboy Warehouse and their accomplishments in the world beyond. What they all share is tried and tested experience of what it’s like dating in our niche.

Four of you have already submitted your problems for the attention of the first of our female experts, the beautiful and accomplished Wendy Salisbury. All names have been changed, so don’t try to guess who this may be!

To see your questions answered in this space next time, email them to [email protected]

You asked:

I get incredibly nervous before I go on a first-date. I often start stuttering, sometimes I forget to zip my flies and once or twice I’ve even run away before she arrived. How can I have more confidence when meeting an older woman for the first time?    – Tom, 35

Wendy replied:

Hi Tom,

First dates and blind dates can be very daunting because neither of you knows what to expect.  It doesn’t matter how well you’ve got on in cyberspace… one always has more courage shielded by a screen! Physically meeting face-to-face is nerve-wracking for everyone, so you’re not alone there.

Running away is not a good idea because

a) you’ll feel guilty and

b) she’ll think she’s been stood up.  You have to tough it out if you’ve gone to the trouble of making the date in the first place. After all, what’s the worst that can happen?

If you’re not brave enough to keep the date, it’s best to say so beforehand and save her the journey.  You can always rearrange, but you’ll probably only get two shots at it.  If you’re not at the appointed place at the appointed time, your date will give up on you altogether or send you an angry message for having left her standing.  That’s a lose/lose situation whichever way you pitch it!

As for ‘wardrobe malfunctions’, ALWAYS check your flies before leaving home, in the same way that you check that you have your keys and mobile.

Once you have met, the best way to defuse any nerves is to admit to them. Remember, your date may be just as nervous as you. Smile, stand up to greet her if you’re there first and say ‘Hi! I don’t know about you, but I’m really nervous!’

Confidence needs building over time.  It’s perfectly normal to feel insecure in new situations. We’re all insecure about something: our looks, our clothes, our lack of knowledge on certain subjects.  If you get tongue-tied, take a deep breath, drop your shoulders, and pay your date a compliment. Even if it seems banal, say: ‘I like your top/dress/hair/shoes.’  That will break the ice. Then ask her about her day: how was her journey?  Did she come straight from work?

Once the conversation starts to flow, your stutter should abate and your voice should settle down.  The first drink usually helps as well!

Best of Luck!

Wendy x

You asked: 

I’ve been messaging someone on Toyboy Warehouse regularly for about three months. He’s charming, easy on the eye (in his photos at least!) and keen to meet up. The only issue is he says he is looking for something serious and while he lives in Edinburgh, I live in London. Can something long-distance work?   – Sarah, 48

Wendy replied: 

Hi Sarah,

I’m afraid that unless you have a regular rendezvous planned – every other weekend or even once a month for instance – long-distance relationships do struggle to survive.  You’re starting with a geographical challenge, although with today’s myriad methods of communication, you can at least keep in touch in many different ways.

You really need to meet first if you’re going to progress this.  The chemistry that may be present in your current contact may fly out the window the minute you set eyes on each other then the problem will no longer exist.  It’s all very well having an ‘imaginary’ boyfriend/girlfriend, but nothing beats the real thing.

Edinburgh is a long way from London so if your guy wants something serious he should probably be looking closer to home.  This may sound harsh but it is realistic.  If he’s hooked on you and it’s feasible to do, either he or you should be prepared to relocate.

So, in the first instance, MEET – even halfway? – and see if you click.  If not, nothing lost.  If so, you’ve got something to build on.

Best of luck!

Wendy x

If you’d like answers to any questions that you have, send them in to [email protected]

The post Ask Wendy: Your Relationship Problems Solved By Our Experts appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

30 Days of Blogs culminated yesterday and what an incredible month we have shared through insightful and entertaining blogs. Some of these were informed by scientific fact, and some by tried and tested experience. However, what each shares at the core is a message that challenges the way we view dating. If you didn’t read them all, they will remain on site for your reading (and rereading) pleasure, but here’s our rundown in case you missed the very best bits…

Top 4 awesome insights:

Older women are more sexual

We began with a blog from a member with a long-standing history of providing excellent blogs for our site. This latest piece disproved any ill-informed preconceptions that the older women get, the less interested they are in sex. The facts demonstrate that it is absolutely the opposite, which was in turn reinforced by a very exciting confessional blog on Day 8 that is not to be missed. A woman’s sexuality is certainly shouldn’t be taken for granted however, as our blog on Day 20 will remind you.

Toyboy dating is proof of better gender equality

Knowledge is power, and several of our blogs have been jam-packed with insights into toyboy dating that defy you to remain unchanged. On Days 2, 13, 26 and 29, we exposed the facts and figures linking women who choose to date younger men. The results show that such women are on the whole better educated and more likely to be leaders than women who date men their own age and older. They are also more beautiful than their predecessors and proof of the fact that the countries they come from have ever improving gender equality.

There’s more to this niche than meets the eye

Older woman younger man dating is something that many people have a prejudged opinion about, often leading people to hide their true desires. Over the last month our bloggers have candidly discussed the real reasons why they date within this niche. We revealed that the variety two partners bring to each other makes toyboy dating so exciting and that lots of men exclusively prefer to date older women. For many, their dating experience is such that the age gap eventually dissolves. We challenged stereotypes, discovering that older women aren’t just intelligent, sexy individuals, they’re also wonderful mothers and role models. The perception of the term ‘cougar‘ is also growing and changing, so our niche will only continue to surprise.

We’re all bloggers

Each of these blogs has the aim of provoking discussion, but one thing that is wholly indisputable is the incredible contribution of our community in making 30 Days of blogs possible. Our bloggers take many varied shapes and sizes with view-points each as valuable and inspiring as each other’s and to all of them we say thank you!  Whether you are a seasoned professional, write for leisure, or have never picked up a pen, Toyboy Warehouse is here to support your voice so get in touch with us if you would like to be involved.

The post 30 Days of Blogs: Our Top 4 Revelations appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Today is Mother’s Day, the one day of the year when we must not fail to recognise the monumental part played in each of our lives by our mothers, grandmothers and (if you’re really lucky) great grandmothers. Though today we celebrate above all these inspirational maternal figures, lets also recognise the role of all single parents, mothers and fathers, in our latest blog which has been written by a valued member and talented blogger, Trust the years.

How to date a lone woman with children aged 0-16:

Living with her can be a challenge but also a source of real hilarity and fun. Although it can be hard work to organise, lone mums really do appreciate some uninhibited passion in their lives as an antidote to the humdrum domestic routine. Here are a few of my thoughts on how to manage this situation- intended as a light-hearted starting-point. It’s definitely not for experts: dads, teachers or anyone else who is perfectly knowledgeable already.

Age:

• Pre-schoolers are very cute, equally demanding but easy to control, in the sense that one can physically transport and deposit them anywhere easily. They are not easy to control in terms of their natural, noisy and continual demands, which always provide unexpected variety.  Please be aware of the overwhelming instinct most mothers have to protect their children when they are very tiny and avoid criticism of her parenting style.
• Older children may be more independent; however they will have their own agendas and anxieties. You may be viewed as a threat, a potential friend or a complete irrelevance.
• Particularly for age groups from school through to sixth form or college age, you need to get savvy about the school or college year, as this is how a woman’s life is organised.

Term dates:

This is the first layer of the totalitarian regime which makes up the life of the woman with children at home. I don’t know about anyone else, but in my kitchen is a dictatorial calendar and every year, the first things that go into it are key school dates. The terms, the half-terms, the school vacations, the pestilential In-Service Education & Training (INSET) days. If you have no idea when these fall, check the website of your local authority as a guide, or better still the website of HER local authority. If her children are younger, the same applies to nursery or child-minding arrangements. In the England, school begins in reception year (or year R) for children aged 4 to 5 years and children must commence school by their 5th birthday. Year 1 applies 5 to 6 year-olds and so on, up to year 11, the end of compulsory full-time education for 15 to 16 year olds. A class is composed of children born between September 1st in one year and August 31st the following year.

Children’s activities:

Highlight these in your diary as they will take priority over you! And do remember that in the school holidays, activities may well stop, throwing any regular arrangements you have into free-fall!

Shared care:

Most mothers in this situation have an ex-partner or grandparents to take over duties during some weekends and parts of holidays. During these periods, she will probably miss her children desperately, however repulsive they may be ordinarily, but for some it’s a time of blessed relief. Highlight these dates in your diary as well, for different reasons. This is the ideal opportunity to make her life 400% better with some Tender Loving Care and without any need to sustain the effort for weeks- take full advantage!

Predictable annual stress points:

There are several sub-types to consider- please do not add to these stresses, be kind and understanding!

Tests and exams:

As those of you who are teachers, lecturers, parents or have any dealings with children from year 6 upwards yourself know, from February to May or June the stress ratchets exponentially upwards.

At this time is the run-up to tests, examinations and career choices, combined with inexorable hormone increases. This means that women are dealing with combinations of emotional outbursts, stinky miasmas of angst, door slamming that rocks the home to its foundations, endless shouting,  weeping and wailing, all of epic proportions, on a continual basis. Remember when you were a teenager and the world did not understand you, particularly your ancient and dementing parents?  Despite the fact that your parents were complete and moronic failures, you expected your meals, washing, chauffeuring arrangements and all the trappings of everyday life to appear without prompting, provided by the eponymous House Fairy. For younger children, the list extends to social arrangements, play coordination and Care Bear cuddles to ward off regression to toddlerdom.  For older children, it includes the expectation that the social arrangements which they forgot to warn her about will take precedence over anything else, since her life is already over. The dementing House Fairy in this case is your object of lust.

School vacations:

This is when all the carefully organised routines fly out of the window and descent into one of the seven circles of Hell or alternatively temporary insanity threatens at any moment. Your lady will be eternally grateful if you do not suggest romantic assignations at short notice during vacations unless the children are away with their father /grandparents etc. It is incredibly stressful arranging childcare at short notice, wondering what reciprocal arrangements will be anticipated by friends, the potential resentment engendered in relatives or the expense of paid babysitters before you even get out of the front door. Any routine tends to go out of the window during holiday times: a woman in this situation has the potential to morph into something quite monstrous with split-second timing. Be patient, understanding and prepared to give up spontaneity temporarily. And above all else, communicate and desist from taking continual rearrangements personally!

Generally, the lady you want may or may not choose to exclude her children from her contact with you. However, even from a distance, you may be viewed as either a friend and ally or The Great Enemy. Children are superb at targeted guerrilla warfare, sometimes surprisingly sophisticated in nature. If you engaged in this yourself earlier in your life, all to the good, as you’ll understand what’s occurring. If not, I suggest you get a box set of the BBC series ‘Outnumbered’ to aid your education about the strategies kids try to get their own way. Find the humour in the situation, as there is a hilarious side to it all. Loving black humour helps enormously. Remember you’re an adult and don’t get sucked into feuds with her children.

Get your head around these points and you will be considered even more attractive. Single mothers get very lonely and tired at times, so a supportive and sexy younger man is a wonderful healing tonic. Do your best to be considerate, sensitive, laid back, flexible, adaptable and you are likely to be rewarded to the extent you believe you’ve entered Heaven prematurely. Remember, in these situations, slow and steady wins the race! Good luck and enjoy putting the spring back into her step!

The post Happy Mother’s Day appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

My personal insight into online dating began through watching the experiences of my mother. When I was a mere 14 year old girl, sick to death of my mother being single after a messy divorce, I signed her up (without her knowledge) to a dating website. Now, 8 years on, she is engaged to the very man she met online… affirming my absolute faith in online dating.

I myself trickled into the world of dating apps, falling particularly into those designed for people with smartphones to judge each other based on appearance alone and that taught me something about attractions. My mother’s happiness is as much about mine as it is about hers and so, being a protective (and rather choosy) daughter, my experience of the ‘weirdo’s’ and ‘wonderfuls’ available out there in online dating has inspired me to give my advice.

Your kids want to see you happy and that means not being naïve about the types of men interested in us beautiful creatures. I know myself that naivety can get you into potentially dangerous situations. You probably don’t need to hear it from me, but you cannot be sure who you are talking to on the other side of the screen. The gorgeous ‘Jack’ who loves sunset walks on the beach and is a big time lawyer in the city could very well be ‘Jake’ who loves Xbox and is from the local pizza delivery parlour. You just don’t know.

But you can take some measures to be prepared. Asking questions and assessing the amount of photos he has available is a good place to start. If you Google ‘Jack’s’ photo and it pings up on the old Myspace profile of some guy named George you know there’s something wrong. If he cannot answer basic questions on what he does and where to a ‘T’ then the same applies. And if he is funny about you asking questions… then he isn’t worth the time it took to ask them!

As you’re on Toyboy Warehouse, you probably already know what you’re looking for. It could very well be the next 25 year old Enrique Iglesias (wouldn’t we all love that!), but if you’re looking for someone who will be there at the end of the day to cuddle, make sure your expectations are clear. Luckily, the site gives you the chance to be open about what you want in your profile, so that whether it’s a fling or a more serious connection that you are looking for, your hopes are openly defined.

Also, when you’re looking for a new relationship, make sure you are also still working on your relationship with yourself. Make him fall in-love with a ‘you’ that you love! I know, that sounds terribly cheesy but if you think about it I am speaking a whole lot of sense.

Have some fun with the journey and experiment! My mother dated a few ‘weirdo’s’ in her time but she eventually found the ‘wonderful’ and I think that really goes to show how online dating genuinely works and if it is done correctly and safely then it really can become something really special and exciting.

After all, what is better than meeting someone through love at first type?

Written by Elyse Boniface and published as part of our 30 Blogs in 30 Days campaign, on Mother’s Day weekend.

The post A Daughter’s Guide to Online Dating appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

It’s a long-standing myth that you can’t have everything you want. Of course you can, and what’s more you deserve it. Well-known for making single look fabulous, professional blogger and mother-of-two Jo Middleton has finally met a man worth her time – and he’s ten years younger. We asked her some questions about her success as a writer, her advice for singles and what makes this man different…

Tell us a little about you: how did you first become a blogger?

I started blogging about four and a half years ago. It started originally as a marketing tool for myself as I had just quit a full-time to become a freelance journalist. I had no qualifications or experience (or money) but thought it might be fun! The blog was a way to showcase my writing and somewhere to point editors to examples of work.

Any words of advice for aspiring bloggers in our community?

Just do it! Ready, fire, aim is my motto. You give things a go and then you can always change direction as you go along. Best to get stuck in though.

Spill all, how did you meet your new Mr?

Well, it’s a bit of a cliché, but we actually met in a night club. It was a really nasty small town nightclub that I used to go in a lot when I was about 19. I’d pick up the most unsuitable men. I was going through a bit of a ‘difficult’ phase… Anyway, I hadn’t been there in about ten years, but a friend was going there to watch a band and dragged me along. My now partner was there with a friend of hers. From what he tells me it sounds like they might have been on a date, but he claims to have been oblivious to that! Boys aren’t always great at seeing what’s right in front of them though.

Did you intend to date someone younger and if so, would it have been easier to find someone online?

No, I wasn’t, and I was worried about it at first. My previous long term relationship was with a man seven years older than me, so young men isn’t a thing with me or anything. It works well for us though as he is very sensible and grown up for his age and I am anything but! It definitely wouldn’t have occurred to me to deliberately set out to date someone younger as I have children already and don’t want any more.

Have you had any issues dating someone younger?

I would say the key issue we have is the massive leap he has had to make from being a university student in a house full of lads to suddenly living with me and two daughters! He has done very well indeed given the massive shock to the system it must have been. I do sometimes worry that in the years from now he will decide he wants his own children and I will be too old but he is adamant he won’t. We will just have to deal with that should it ever arise.

What is your favourite thing about being with a younger man?

To be totally honest, I don’t really think of him as a younger man, so other than the issues that arise sometimes, as I’ve mentioned, it doesn’t feel like a thing – he just is who he is and we love each other. I don’t tend to focus on his age.

What advice do you have for single ladies?

As with blogging, go for it! You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. I can absolutely vouch for that!

Check out Jo’s blog Slummy single mummy, as she faces 40 challenges before 40. Published as part of our 30 Blogs in 30 Days campaign, reopening the discussion about dating. Have your say in the comments below or join in on our Facebook page.

The post Career, Family, Happy Relationship: Pick All Three appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson. A 2003 survey conducted by the National Association of Retired Persons revealed that one-third of single women between 40 and 60 are dating younger men, qualifying as ‘cougars’.

Brenda Dos Santos laughs, “I’m the poster child for the ‘Urban Cougar’ trend. I’m 46 and only date boys in their 20s and 30s…I love all the attention I get from them. They try harder and are not cynical or spoiled by bad past relationships.” Like many women who consciously seek out younger men, the San Francisco publicist is a refugee from an early bad marriage. The divorced mother of two finds men her age “kinda tired. They can’t keep up with me.” These days Brenda is content to “just have fun sampling all types of hot young men.”

Susan Coss explains her own predilection for young men: “They provide more creative excitement: Like me they have diverse interests in theater, music, and film, and look beyond what’s on the New York Times best seller list.” Equally appealing for the never-married 41-year-old San Francisco account executive: “Guys in this age group seem less obsessed with their careers and the roles men are supposed to play in a relationship. An older guy can be more of a child than a young one.” Translation: An ex close to her age lost this lady because he placed his needs well above hers. For the past year, Susan has been happily dating a 30-year-old. She echoes Urban Cougar Brenda, “We have fun.”

Women like Susan and Brenda no longer worry about society viewing them as “cradle robbers” for snatching up younger men in an era when online dating sites like gocougar.com and thecougarconnection.com are geared exclusively toward facilitating these intergenerational hook-ups. As syndicated sex advice columnist Dan Savage wrote in his blog on chemistry.com, “Older women/younger man couples have always existed but used to be barely tolerated and rarely acknowledged. People today are less threatened by difference and more open to discussing what makes people happy.”

Meet Today’s “Younger Man”

If The Graduate were to be updated, the Dustin Hoffman character would be less pounced-upon and more of an equal-opportunity pouncer: A poll conducted by the online dating service mate1.com found that 65 percent of men in their 20s actively seek out women who are older by five years or more. Why the preference for a seasoned mate? As one poll respondent explained, “An older woman has seen it all, compared to a twenty-something.”

Thirty-five-year-old John Garber, who dates women 10 to 15 years his senior, elaborates: “Older women are sassy, bold, cerebral, know how to express themselves, know what they like, are good conversationalists, and are incredibly delicious lovers.” According to the New York banker, “These things are a turn on.”

Speaking of turn-ons, those women afraid of showing their cellulite to a years-younger hardbody should heed the words of Dan DeMartino, a 28-year-old Arizona entrepreneur: “Sure, younger women have better bodies, but older ones are better lovers because of experience. Oddly, they usually have more energy as well.” Dan concludes, “The brain is the most important sex organ, and as long as I connect with a partner, the sex is good to great.”

Pros and Cons

Some people find the term “cougar” offensive, while what others consider derogatory is not the word but rather the idea that older women “go after” younger men. Valerie Gibson, author of Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men, has said, “I don’t see these condemnations as valid. I see them as only aimed at women — putting down older women and trying to control them.”

What do you feel about the word ‘cougar‘?

The post Mrs Robinson, Cougar or just a Woman? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Seriously, no matches, not one… That’s what happened when I searched one of the more typical dating sites. Yes, I know, curiosity kills. It was an experiment, it’s important to know all your options before making a decision! Well, now I know.

The thing is I don’t think what I am looking for is unreasonable. Clearly, however, it needs a bit of analysis. Tall, gorgeous and muscular would be nice but it is a combination of other qualities that really does it for me.  Intellect, humour, reliability, confidence – no surprises there. The ability to see me at weekends would be good. Recognising that there is a bit more to me than being some fantasy older woman or dominant Mistress (it would seem some men are away with the porn fairies). Not that I shy away from adventure, I’ve always made that very clear, but does that kind of adventure have to be separate to a meaningful relationship? Maybe the Madonna/Whore complex is alive and kicking. Seems a bit old school though, doesn’t it?

Wouldn’t it be good to have a secure relationship with stimulating conversation, humour, comfortable silence, lots of outrageously good sex with no expectation of domesticity? The problem lies in the propensity of most people to equate the secure relationship part with the domesticity part. I don’t want to!!

I would like all my attention given to one man who was prepared to do the same for me. Time together to allow for physical, intellectual and emotional indulgence and time apart allowing for career, family and friends.  The caveat here being that, as the relationship progressed, one could be introduced to family and friends.

I’m not looking for a man who wants a wife. I inhabited that role for eighteen years, it didn’t do anything for me. I am looking for a man who wants me. I am looking for a man who hasn’t been defeated by life but inspired by it. Who likes being cared for and is willing to care for me.

Perhaps you can see that experience has left me with a ‘nothing to lose’ attitude to my search. I don’t think my terms are restrictive, I actually think they are liberating for the man who understands them. Maybe the problem is that it is not a conventional model and there is no conclusion that is being worked towards (marriage, children, 4×4, John Lewis account….). It is something for its own sake.

A large part of this construct is derived from the fact that I have children. I have made a very conscious decision that I don’t want them to have a stepfather. This doesn’t mean that the man in my life is a secret from them but it does mean his existence doesn’t have a huge impact on them. They won’t be with me for much longer and maybe my feelings about how I live will change at the point they leave.

For now the search goes on. I did meet someone who came so close but was not able to give enough. I need enough and am not going to settle for less. I will meet my match.

By Three Wishes

The post No Matches?! appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

I’m a father. I’m a dater. I’m a pigeon-hole hater! (how very Steve Miller Band!)

Some background information:I have a son, who shall be 6 years young on Wednesday (at this age, age is anything but a number -how he and I differ so!!), he’s a glorious human being.  His mother and I broke up before we found out she was pregnant.  It was a strange situation to be in, she wanted to terminate my unborn son and I knew that airing my desire to keep him could very well bring about his demise – out of spite (she wasn’t in a good place at the time of the pregnancy). After taking a very careful and non-pressured approach, she came to the conclusion that having a child at a young aged (she was 19 and I was 21 when my son was born) isn’t the end of the world as people make it out to be. In fact au contraire; it gave me a new lease of life, and lust for my already jovial existence.

Anyway, I was at university when my son was born and my studies (in which I had already lost interest pre-pregnancy) took a backseat… fuck it, they weren’t even in the same vehicle! I spent loads of time with my boy which was, I believe, the greatest choice I have made in life thus far (after the decision to join TBW of course “hi Julia” *waves*)….Well I say choice like it was a conscious thing but I was drawn to my son in a way a non-parent may not be able to fathom. It is like finding the cure for everything you have ever felt pain for, in human form, and you just wish to protect and nurture it at every cost.

I had a long-term partner during the first few years of my sons life. It worked very well. That relationship met its conclusion just before he reached the age of 3. For this aforementioned partner, me being a parent was an issue due to the fact that my sons mum was an issue of sorts, and was partially the reason the relationship between us met its maker. She didn’t date me because I was a parent, but she did mention being around me and my son was sometimes a window into a part of me that was seldom seen but at other times was a reminder that my sons mum will always be part of my life. I appreciate how difficult it was for her and I know she is ready for anything life can throw at her.

So now I date. I take each person on merit.  I am aware that some women are drawn to the fact that I have a child, others are repelled – I have had women stop messaging me after I mention I have a son who I see often!  I used to believe (in the early days of fatherhood) that any admiration related to me being a father was shallow.  I have had women approach me in parks when with my son and I thought it was some form of ‘cute’ factor.  But someone the other day, a friend who I had a long-term sexually-fuelled relationship with, opened my eyes, suggesting that taking on the responsibility has given me an outlook with a unique twist.

She described me as wise and responsible beyond my years (for those who know me other than purely online, this will not be a shock, I hope!) but with an unquestionable urge to get the most fun out of life, no matter the cost. A contradiction that rings very true. I can’t speak on behalf of anyone but myself.  To me dating someone with kids has never been an issue of negativeness.  Often someone speaking of their offspring warms me to them in a way no other conversation really does. I feel my son has influenced the way I date. I am not in the slightest bit needy, I have had more than enough love thrown my way by my son to last me until I’m 103 years of age! I don’t desire to ‘own’ anyone, nor do I have desires to be ‘owned’ by another. I have plenty of time for folk who have plenty of time for themselves.

I have recently been told by a member of the site that there is no point in dating me as I never have a free weekend – that was lovely to hear after a good few weeks of conversation and more than a little desire to take things further! This cold-shoulder sparked me into writing this.  Her loss I say! So for anyone who has any desire to acquaint with me, I do have my son every Friday and Saturday night, he is a major part of my life, if this is an issue for you, be sweet and let me know as soon as you can, much appreciated! I have plenty of time for people who have plenty of time for me. I am alive 7 days a week, try it too – you just might like it!!

By Offlyner

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