UKs Largest Dating and Relationship Site For Older Women And Younger Man

If you’re looking to jump back into the dating world, why not try one of the most active and vibrant dating platforms? For over a decade, Toyboy Warehouse has been matching handsome younger men with mature women. From love, lust to romance, every dating style is catered for. Why not take a look and see for yourself?

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So let me set the scene for you.

My 20-plus-year marriage had ended, a lonely, passionless and pretty miserable final few years. No intimacy, no sex. I had turned into my great-aunt Maud, a dried-up old prune.

During this time I met a guy while taking a course. He was 10 years younger and charming. What followed was an intoxicating foray into text flirting—leaving me quite giddy with rapidly thawing frigidity and the profound realisation that I’d lived my previous 20 years in a sort of coma. That friendship, however, remained platonic.

The attitude of men my own age saddened me, and I became frustrated by their idea of foreplay (not to mention the postcoital narcolepsy five minutes later. So, I told myself, wasn’t it about time I did a little road testing of some younger models? (Purely in the name of market research, you understand…)

I had begun to realise that I’m a nonconformist—a rule-breaker and risk-taker… and, further, that I’m completely comfortable with my own nonconformity. I was 47, and it was about bloody time I celebrated the Rebel Rebel in me.

Around that time an acquaintance told me about a dating website called Toyboy Warehouse. She added that she couldn’t possibly sign up on that site because of insecurities about being overweight/out of shape/unfit/wrinkly/timid… I’ll bet you can already guess my response…

Where do I sign up?

It’s a curious old thing–the word cougar sounds rather threatening and predatory, don’t you think? Yet “threatening” and “predatory” are absolutely not words I would ever use to describe myself. So I was curious as I registered my details, a short, bio, my height, hair colour, AGE and other details, I signed up and held my breath! What world was I entering?

My girlfriends fell into two camps: those utterly horrified by what I was about to embark upon (secretly jealous I reckoned) and those who cheered me on and wanted all the details (maybe just a bit jealous but also excited about living vicariously through me)!

I joined the site because I like a dare!  I was looking for fun, flirting, sex, and education. What I did not expect was that great friendships would develop, along with a level of intimacy that I’d never before experienced before in my life. And, best of all, more attention, devotion and laughter than during two decades of marriage.

And the sex. Oh, the sex was extraordinary. Selfless and attentive and satisfying. You see, the reality is far from the cultural icon of Mrs. Robinson. In fact, the most likely scenario for a woman with a younger partner is that she has arrived at midlife having had a long long-term relationship, few sexual partners, several children, and a pretty boring sex life.

These young men are thrilled to be able to teach an older woman some new tricks!

Why do younger men date older women?

I was curious, so questioned these beautiful young men on their reasons for hanging out with an older woman. (The men I have met are on average 15 years younger than me)—and their answers were enlightening.

• Intelligent conversation
• Independent—An older woman doesn’t NEED a man to validate her existence
• Sexually more adventurous—and happy to try new things
• Sexy without even knowing it—comfortable in her own skin
• Accepting of her partner.
• All woman – the real deal….generally without silicon and self-obsessed grooming practices.
• Able to teach about relationships in a non-threatening way.

In the beginning I did begin a rendezvous by justifying myself, explaining that my body was not that of a 25-year-old; that I’d carried, given birth to, and nursed my children, blah, blah. And then a finger came up to my lips to silence all my disclaimers.

“Have you any idea how amazing I get to feel because YOU chose me?” was the response I got from one beautiful young man.

“I get to be myself with you,” he added. Good grief, I didn’t see that one coming. We get so caught up in our own insecurities about how we look that we lose sight of what’s really important, about who we are on the inside.  I found that in these nontraditional older-younger relationships, both my partner and I got to be who we really are—masks removed.

Ladies, don’t wait until you’re “perfect” before you get out there dating again. Get out there right away and do some exploring—you might just end up having the time of your life.

Haven’t tried Toyboy Warehouse for yourself? Join the Fun

Read more lessons about midlife in Rebecca’s book Best Knickers Always

The post Why I Choose To Date Younger Men appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

For anyone who has completed copious amounts research into mind reading and have cracked the code to finally hear other people’s thoughts, don’t bother reading this.

For the rest of you, you’re in luck, today you’re about to find out what other people really think when reading your dating messages, all without the aid of psychic abilities. That’s right, we asked a random segment of cougar dating site Toyboy Warehouse members exactly what goes through their head after reading your beautifully scripted DMs. The results may shock you.

We asked the girls…

Message: “Hey x”

The girls said: You guessed it, it’s a big fat ‘no’. On Toyboy Warehouse, women get 3x more messages than men. So a first message is really an opportunity to stand out from the crowd. Even if you’re the next Brad Pitt, with a bank balance to match, message with just a ‘hey’ at your peril. The consensus has spoken, it’s not going to end well for you.

Message: ‘Hey, I’ve been single for soo long, please date me!’

The girls said: You guessed it again. It you fancy sending a downbeat first message, you’re going to get a downbeat reply – if one at all.

Message: “You look beautiful/attractive/sexy”

The girls said: Compliments are a funny thing, sometimes they can bring joy, other times they can make you look a little bit creepy. But according to a group of our members, that distinction isn’t random.

Unsolicited physical compliments, for the most part, were seen negatively. Unless there was a little rapport already built, even the nicest compliment comes across needy and weird. So if you do want to say something nice about someone’s appearance, try and build a foundation first. However, maybe you’re looking to compliment something other than appearance, for example:

• ‘wow, you’re a X? A lot of my family are X, I also thought it was amazing to have a job that makes such a difference in people’s lives’
• ‘Is that actually you in that rock climbing picture? That’s so high! Awesome job!’

Compliments such as these were looked on much more favourably. It still possible to be a bit creepy if done wrong, but as long as you’re kind and sincere it’s a great way to get some dating brownie points.

Message: Corny pick up line

The girls said: It looks like the corny pick up line has made full circle and is now a perfectly acceptable first message. The consensus said a funny pick up line is a great way to say hello, only if it was done in a slightly self-deprecating way. As long as the other person intended it to be corny, and not actually a pick up line that would work every time, then it’s considered a sweet and fun first message.

We asked the guys…

Message: ‘You eyes/hair/muscles looks good’

The guys said: It seems physical compliments were a big ‘yes, please’ from the guys. The general consensus said it’s a nice little ego-boost and a good way to show you’re interested. It’s worth keeping it pretty clean (nothing too explicit) but being a little flirty or sexy with it is perfectly acceptable.

Message: ‘Can I get your phone number?’

The guys said: While the ladies making that the big leap and asking for a phone number is mostly appreciated, it being a first message is considered a little forward. Accordingly to the guys, 3-5 messages was sufficient before asking for a phone number. Anything less seems a little desperate, anything more and you’re at risk of just being a ‘dating site friend’ and never anything more.

Message: “Hey x’

The guys said: There’s a general consensus that guys shouldn’t just message ‘hey’, that women don’t like it and that it rarely leads to a reply. It turns out the same is true for women. Our members called the simple ‘hey’ message ‘lazy’ and something ‘not really worth a reply’.

Message: ‘Hey, I’ve been single for soo long, please date me!’

The guys said: While this may be a little dramatic, variations on a pessimistic or downbeat first message are not received very well. The most common response was that desperation is a little unattractive. While the other person may not be the happiest bunny in the world, starting off your dating journey with a downbeat message isn’t the best way to go.

The post What Do They Really Think Of That Message You Sent? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Toyboy Warehouse isn’t just the UK’s largest cougar dating site, after inhouse dating experts are world renowned for their insight. That’s why we’ve uncovered the most essential books, podcasts, video series, etc. on all things dating. Whether you’re newly single, someone making the most of their bachelor/bachelorette life or a lucky so-and-so settling in to another relationship, these are the most essential books and podcasts you need to be checking out.

Is there something we’ve missed off the list? Let us know in the comments.

April Kirkwood, Working My Way Back To Me

For rural Ohio beauty queen April Kirkwood, her #MeToo moment came way before the term was coined. She lost her virginity to the middle-aged Frankie Valli at 16, after a decade pursuing a childhood fantasy to be the crooner’s wife. Through April’s eyes, we experience joys and heartaches that echo across more than a half-century of old family secrets and ways, and the triumphs and defeats involved in trying to break the mould. The book sheds light on universal struggles involving love, sexuality, addiction, and mental health. April’s adventures lead to betrayal and suffering, and her fate depends on family. April must learn the fine line between guidance and sabotage as she claws her way to a future not as a saviour, but as a fiercely accomplished woman.

Check out Working My Way Back To Me

The Couples Counsel by Dr. & Mrs. Mercier

Relationships don’t always go the way we hoped and often include poor communication, money fights, and lack of sex & intimacy. Dr. & Mrs. Mercier believe the challenges in relationships are opportunities for growth. That is why they have made it their purpose to equip couples and families with the necessary tools for happy and healthy relationships.

Check out The Couples Counsel

Maria Leonard Olsen, 50 After 50

When lawyer/journalist Olsen reached age 50, she decided to try 50 new things that were significant to her. As a woman in recovery, the author values the time she has left, and through her own story, urges readers to do the same via activities such as singing like no one’s listening, riding a horse, and performing random acts of kindness. She enumerates many more exercises under the headings of “spiritual endeavours,” “thrill seeking ventures,” “lifestyle changes,” and so forth, but the message is that we should value and embrace life to the fullest. VERDICT An inspiring read for those who are in or have passed through middle age.

Check out 50 After 50

Diana Raab, Lust

A passionate journey through private emotional moments, Diana Raab’s Lust voices the pain of loneliness and the heart’s yearning for love while transcending the depths of human desire. In her fourth book of poetry, Raab employs narrative verse that is alive, titillating, and seductive. Lust examines the emotional and physical complexity of love, helping readers navigate the risks of intimacy as we move toward the realisation that every experience enriches our lives, whether we perceive it as joy, pain, or out of the ordinary. Yet for all their psychological richness, the poems’s simplicity and accessibility will resonate with women and men across all walks of life. Lust is a book you won’t put down and won’t soon forget.

Check out Lust

Sign up to Toyboy Warehouse – the home of British cougars and toyboys.

The post Essential Reading/Listening For Your Dating Life – December ’18 appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

It’s time to divulge your naughty secrets, c’mon now don’t be shy.

Toyboy Warehouse Secrets 

Toyboy Warehouse Secrets lets you post your dating experiences, sexy stories and relationship nightmares totally anonymously. Did you just have a date from Hell? How about a date to remember? Whether you’ve found love, lust or romance, use Toyboy Warehouse Secrets to share your real thoughts and feelings.

Simply post your dating secrets anonymously to get featured on the official Toyboy Warehouse Secrets Instagram page.

Why not check out the previous confessions? From the sordid to the inspirational, learn the secrets of the gorgeous women and handsome men of Toyboy Warehouse.

How does Toyboy Warehouse Secrets work behind the scenes?

After you send your anonymous post, our moderation team get it ready to go live on the official Toyboy Warehouse Secrets Instagram page for the world to see (it’s a good job it’s anonymous!).

How long till my post goes live?

We aim to get all approved posts out within a few hours, however on rare occasions they can take up to 48 hours. Once approved, the moderation team use a service that can schedule Instagram posts to ensure your anonymous secret goes live. If you sent your anonymous post over 48 hours ago and it’s still not live you can contact us for more information.

Toyboy Warehouse #Secrets – #Dating experiences from cougars and toyboys

A photo posted by Toyboy Warehouse Secrets (@toyboywarehousesecrets) on Dec 27, 2016 at 8:37am PST

The cheek! Toyboy Warehouse #Secrets – #Dating experiences from cougars and toyboys

A photo posted by Toyboy Warehouse Secrets (@toyboywarehousesecrets) on Dec 28, 2016 at 11:54am PST

Here’s to the sisters #HellYeah Toyboy Warehouse #Secrets – #Dating experiences from cougars and toyboys

A photo posted by Toyboy Warehouse Secrets (@toyboywarehousesecrets) on Dec 30, 2016 at 1:03pm PST

*Sad face* Toyboy Warehouse #Secrets – #Dating experiences from cougars and toyboys

A photo posted by Toyboy Warehouse Secrets (@toyboywarehousesecrets) on Dec 23, 2016 at 11:03am PST

Toyboy Warehouse #Secrets – #Dating experiences from cougars and toyboys

A photo posted by Toyboy Warehouse Secrets (@toyboywarehousesecrets) on Jan 5, 2017 at 8:54am PST

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WHAT IS THE PERFECT AGE GAP BETWEEN AN OLDER WOMAN AND A YOUNGER MAN?

I have to say I’ve often been asked this question and it’s always a hard one to answer because in reality it all comes down to the maturity of the two people involved and how they feel about it.

I’ve met very mature guys in their 20’s and very immature guys in their 30’s and 40’s so I think it’s hard to specify an actual age gap that can be applied to any decade. At the end of the day love knows no barrier and what suits one won’t necessarily suit another and if I start saying there are limits I’m probably going to get a barrage of complaints from those that found love outside those boundaries

Personally I always used to say that if a guy was younger than my oldest nephew that was going too far. That is until the day came when I got chatting to someone who interested me from the word go with his intelligence, his humour and opinion on various worldly issues that by the time I got to the point of wondering how old he was it didn’t really seem to matter anymore.

Truth was we’d clicked so well together it never came up in conversation until a few dates down the line we happened to be discussing our likes in music which of course varied in terms of what we grew up with which led to the age question. Turned out he was in fact younger than the limit I’d set myself so my own rules had been broken and it seriously didn’t matter. In fact he told me he was concerned I might find him too young and he kept hoping I wouldn’t ask that particular question!

Celebrities of course don’t have that as being in the spotlight means their ages are already known so it never arises.

I also believe there is a time when regardless of age we all tend to level out and generally I find that point is usually around the age of 35-40 years when we’ve generally gained and experienced a few setbacks in life to be able to view things in a more open way. Time is a great leveler for many things and this is no exception

I seriously think generally the fear of dating a guy very much young is not so much the age difference but how others will react. In all walks of life we would all like to be liked for who we are and judged on what we do ( within reason) but there will always be that slight apprehension and the fear that at some point you’ll be faced with the proverbial assumption that he’s in fact your son and not your partner/lover/boyfriend. Unfortunately the likelihood that will happen is high but something you can deal with.

Having been in that situation you can either feel totally mortified and leave the premises as quickly as possible or you can face it head on and politely inform them that he is the man you share your bed with (as I did) and watch the sheer embarrassment on their faces as they find an excuse to move away as quickly as possible. However I accept not everyone is like me but generally leaning over to give your partner a peck on the cheek as only a partner can is usually enough to dispel any assumptions.

Other fears abound if you have children as it has been known for the guy to in fact be younger than her own children which can work either way. They’ll either see him as an equal in terms of their wavelength or they’ll see him as a threat but one good thing about having a partner within their age group is they are usually on the same wavelength on many other levels so could really help to bridge that gap when required

Whatever the age difference, if you are both perfectly comfortable with each others company then the years don’t matter. Life is short enough and include many barriers so the best thing to do is not put up your own and enjoy it!

Tanya x

The post Ask Tanya | The Age Old Question appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Dating is a minefield!!

Regardless of whatever happens in life there will always be the daters who have no intention of getting emotionally involved and are only looking for sex whether that’s a one night stand or a ‘friend with benefits’ set up. How many times do you hear the phrase ‘they’re all the same’ which can be enough to put many of us off the very thought of dating let alone dating a younger man.

Hunters search for prey and as much as in the animal world, males are looking to plant their seed and move on, in the human world this can very often be mirrored, but how do we know when this is happening to us?

It is man’s instinct in general to play the field but like anything in life we can never tar everyone with the same brush but determining who’s genuine and who’s not can be an ordeal in itself!

In my early days of dating younger men it really did take some effort to sift out the genuine from the faux depending of course what it is we actually want to achieve ourselves. I wanted to spend time with someone who would make me laugh, who would have that verve and energy to stimulate my mind but who wouldn’t suffocate me with endless phone calls or text messages and felt proud to have me at his side.

It is daunting enough to take the step to date again after a long relationship but to date a much younger man also takes some confidence. Yet what I found was that it was usually the guys that needed the confidence to do something about it, not the other way around. However I did fall prey to the one guy who inevitably did only want one thing…

My naivety wasn’t helped by the endearing messages I was receiving and the excitement it gave me to find a new one waiting each day. If like me you’d been in a long term relationship/marriage, you’d know that tingling feeling and almost butterfly like excitement you felt when you first started dating and this wasn’t any different

There was quite a difference in age, 15 years to be exact but I had been working hard in the gym throwing myself into it as a means of dealing with the breakup so from that aspect I felt pretty confident. We agreed to meet after exchanging messages for a couple of weeks and like most ladies going on a first date, I took my time getting ready. We were meeting for lunch as I felt dinner was probably a bit too much to begin with and believed that if this went well, dinner would follow anyway

He was exactly as expected, charming, good looking, talkative and lunch went really well then inevitably the moment came once we’d exited the restaurant when you kiss for the first time.

It was soft, sensual, surprising actually but then he suggested that we should go somewhere a little more private to which I responded with ‘perhaps another time, I’m not sure I’m ready for that’. His reply completely floored me!

‘What? I’ve got to come back again?’.

In an instant I realized I’d been well and truly misled with those words cutting through like a knife knowing that all the charm, smiles and sweet talk was only to get me where he wanted me as quickly as possible. It was a major wake up call but rather than let it eat away at me, I changed the way I approached things

From then on in I took my time to get to know someone but also developed a much stronger shell not necessarily to protect myself but to allow my head to rule rather than my heart, at least to begin with.

With the trend today for young men to experience an older woman at least once in their life, we very often become an item on a ‘bucket list’, something to be ticked off which only adds to the task.  If we look back to the film The Graduate where Dustin Hoffman is seduced by his girlfriends mother, its easy to see why there is this attraction coupled with women now looking much more sexier, oozing confidence and younger for their years.

My experience taught me to treat younger men much the same as I would treat any man. The only way you can determine whether a man is after you purely for sex or actually interested in spending time with you and understanding how you tick is by talking.

Any man worth his salt will take the time and effort to understand you, find out about you, get to know you before looking to take things further and it doesn’t matter what age they are, he won’t push if he’s serious and if they do only want sex, believe me it won’t be long before you realize that!

Inevitably you will come across this from time to time but don’t ever become cynical and tarnished by history, be strong, be decisive, be the confident woman you are (one of the main traits young men are drawn to) and enjoy life!

There are some great guys out there but like rummaging through the bargain basket at a sale there are always the hidden gems, we just need to dig a little further to find them.

Enjoy digging,

Tanya x

The post Ask Tanya | Are Toyboys Only Really After One Thing? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

I have been struggling to define the relationships I appear to have acquired over the last few months.

Back in October last year, I wrote about friends who have sex with each other. Back then, I was quite clear in my mind what those relationships were.

These days, I’m not so sure.

One of my closest friends¹ had a revelation about me: dating is the only way I can have a social life. I have neither a spouse nor family here; I do not have a circle of friends I grew up or even went to university with, and since the Great Upheaval², most of whom I had labelled ‘friend’, well, aren’t, as this is his hometown.

The ones I can call mine are all either coupled up or have young children. I can’t just call them up and ask if they want to go out tonight. Every single excursion is an intensely and carefully co-ordinated effort and not just by me.

Arranging for a meet with a single, unencumbered young person, living 30 or even 50 miles away, is surprisingly easier than a night out with my friends who live in the same town.

It’s been a year almost to the day, since I started to ‘date’ as it were. Conscious me would say that I was seeking companions to have sexy fun with. I found a glittering bevy of beautiful, intriguing young men who excited my mind as well as my body. And on a few occasions, nourished my spirit. But friends?³.

Subconscious me wanted very much to make a friend. Someone I could just shoot the breeze with, who would feel comfortable hanging out with me and my little one, who wouldn’t care if sex wasn’t on the table. Someone whom I could chat with frequently, have random, philosophical conversations with late into the night, whom I could share scary shit without fear. A friend I could keep being friends with for quite a long time I guess.

My definition of a friend has undergone some radical changes since The Great Upheaval. I made new ones about 18 months ago who showed me what friendship could be. People whom I had thought of as friends, like the ones referred to in the article above, no longer fall under that category. What happens when you have shared confidences, been emotionally vulnerable before them, but then find that, actually, you can’t carry on as you are. What are you then? Ex-friends?

Perhaps I am thinking about this wrong. I had let go of the notion of a soulmate, Mr Right, the One, of the idea that a family is a couple with children/pets, that a successful “relationship” is one that lasts for life. Why should I hold on to the belief that a friend is for life? Or that they should prove themselves to be “true”, whatever that means.

Maybe, a friend is someone who is there for me when I need them and vice versa. Once our need for each other is past, and there is nothing to keep us together, would it be so bad to then stop being friends? Would the label “acquaintance” be so terrible?

In the last couple of months, I closed the chapter on three wonderful men I had the pleasure of “dating”. My association with two had lasted about 5 months, and with the third, several years. In that time, we were indeed friends. With two, I am not entirely sure why we stopped, but that’s OK, because there is a world full of friends I haven’t met yet.

Oh, will I stop “dating”? Nah! I like having sex with delightful, relaxing, young men far too much.

A photo posted by J Iron Word (@j.ironword) on Aug 6, 2016 at 10:59pm PDT

¹ Someone I saw every day, and shared so very much with, but has now gone home like ET. Might as well be a different planet. ² 20 year marriage disintegrated. ³ Suddenly they were too busy to meet or even talk.

*Serendipitously, Maria Popova at Brainpickings posted this thoughtful essay on “Reclaiming Friendship” this week, which addresses some of the issues I was wrestling with much more eloquently and with a great deal more depth.

The post Goodbye… Hello! appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Our resident dating expert, Gaynor Evans, is back with another insightful Ask the Experts series. This time Gaynor is taking on a question from Janet in Darlington. Janet is dating a younger man, 16 years her junior to be exact. Things are going well but she’s wondering if things will inevitably fail because she’s in an age-gap relationship.

Find out the answer to Janet’s burning question on this instalment of Ask the Experts.

The post Ask The Experts: ‘My boyfriend is 16 years younger than me, will this work?’ appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Are you a sizzling steak or a soggy burger in the bedroom?

Once upon a time, the height of quality dining meant enjoying a damn good steak. Steakhouses dotted themselves around our conurbations, both here and across the pond, leaving no man truly a man until he knew his way round a pretty fine rump, along with the wallet to procure it.

It was a sign of quality, of commitment; the preparation, the maturing and development, the sheer investment. Safe and predictable, this was the ‘going steady’ of the restaurant world.

And then fast food took hold. Why wait 28 days for a quality rib eye when you can pay pennies for something you can cram in your gob in mere minutes? You had a hunger, and it was satisfied, fast; job done.

Of course, there was a trade off for that speed and convenience. Cue questionable contents, dodgy decisions, conveyor-belt anonymity. No wonder film actor Paul Newman replied to a question about adultery with, “Why go out for a hamburger when you have steak at home?” As a metaphor for quality the quote stuck (and hell, he even sold salad dressings to go with those steaks). Today the fast-food burger’s firmly fallen from grace. Come on. It’s tacky, isn’t it?

So hello, gourmet burger. High quality, unique, for a more discerning palate. An older woman might not want the commitment of a steak any more, but she’s not satisfied by the grubby burger of her youth, either. And when it’s good, it’s really good. As one self-confessed ‘menopausal nymphomaniac’ put it recently, “One 25-year-old does things I didn’t know were possible. He’s so good I feel I’ve discovered another room in my house.”

But how can you be ‘gourmet’? How can you be sure both parties ‘have it their way’? Invest in your own menu. Your own sex menu.

Because it’s not just quality that sets a gourmet burger apart; it’s the variety, it’s the skill, and it’s also the information about the ingredients. Too many of us end up on what sex and relationship therapist Tania Glyde calls a ‘sexual escalator’: a predictable and default set of sexual steps, all leading in a certain sticky direction.

A sex menu gets you stepping off the road more travelled and gets you uncovering your own path. Detailing your sexual likes, dislikes, areas of curiosity and areas of no-go etc, it’s the smart way to ensure mind-reading, mind-BLOWING sex from the outset. Hate having your hair pulled? Yearn to be spanked on the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly? Write it all down. Consider it the world’s most satisfying cheat code for your partner, EVER.

A recent talk held by The Summer House Weekend, London’s home of intimacy, respect, consent and kink, introduced a treasure-trove of resources for whetting one’s menu-making appetite at sexmenus.wordpress.com. Just download and tick your way through a range of templates. Welcome to a multiple-choice with VERY interesting options.

Feeling a little queasy about sharing such intimate details with another? Then it’s even more worth dipping into. For older women it’s the perfect process of self-discovery (how DO you want to be kissed, now your think about it?); as for toyboys, it’s imaginative proof that there’s way more to sexual satisfaction than the pounding found in porn.

And if you do end up sharing and discussing it? Wow, that’s hella foreplay, folks. Plus, you know that sexual dysfunction in women can be solved with basic communication, right?

The post Do you want fries with that? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

“How far can a ripped torso take a film?” asked one article on the new Tarzan film.  Then there was this little gem from Buzzfeed  about Italian water polo players. And that hilarious Descendants of the Sun promo.

Believe it or not, I was quite unmoved by all these displays of male physical perfection. I appreciated them, but.

Attractiveness is a funny thing. To me, beautiful doesn’t equate to sexiness but sexiness often does equate to beautiful. It’s a fine line and frequently blurs. So bear with me.

I am decidedly underwhelmed by the ripped gym-honed body that has been shaved or waxed¹ to within an inch of its life. I am well aware that many of my contemporaries love a smooth chest and a shaved packet², but me, I prefer everything intact. A trim is acceptable when it gets so long your fingers get tangled in it, otherwise I’d rather you leave your short and curlies alone please. And don’t get me started on body hair. Chest hair is sexy to me, as is belly fur, and that “snail trail” is delightful. I know, I know — I can hear some of you gagging already. But I like almost hairless bodies too – so long as they are so by nature.

Sexy to me is a natural body. Sexiest to me is one that gets a workout, gets its tone and strength from doing something it loves, be it running, climbing, swimming, dancing, cycling or walking. I don’t really care, so long as it’s activity that’s enjoyed for itself – not just to look good. It says to me that it’s a body that’s loved for itself, not for the way it looks. It tells me that this is a body that would thrill to warm fingers walking up its thigh, the light brush of lips across the shoulder blade. You see, I’m a sensual creature and being able to fully enjoy what your body can do, being able to enjoy what it feels, provides a delicious feedback loop that’s kind of hard to beat.

Colour also plays a huge part in what turns me on. One beauty had skin like dark honey, over which, a constellation of moles and freckles. He had a runner’s body, lean, with strength in his legs, and fairly hirsute. He was a delight to look at and caress³. In contrast, there was a blonde with barely any hair, who was long, with steel in his abs and arms, a lightweight boxer in training. Everything about him was light gold, and glimmered ever so slightly, it was quite something.

I used to think sexiness came from confidence in one’s own skin. But a couple of recent encounters showed me that there is a certain something about shyness too. One was just hesitant, unsure about where to put limbs (but not where to put his lips, happily) and trembled ever so slightly. It was simply enchanting.

Another flushed easily, and fumbled over his words whenever I surprised him. He was like an awkward young giraffe, all long-limbed gawkiness. It charmed the pants off me. Literally. It helped that he was pale as moonlight, blonde like a small sun, and had the most enormous, intensely blue eyes I had ever seen. And when he spoke, he had a mellifluous voice…

Which brings me to something that you just can’t get off a profile picture: the sound of someone’s voice. Cadence, tone and accent. I had spent much of my adult life assessing voices for work, so it’s something that affects me profoundly. It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are physically, but if the sound of your voice grates on me, I have to say, no thanks. A voice that is a pleasure to listen to, that raises the small hairs on my shoulders and has me smiling like a sun-struck loon is automatically sexy.

You know what knocks me over every time? The smile. Shy or confident, lopsided or five-miles wide, a suggestion in a midnight beard or a broad dimpled grin. I couldn’t tell you exactly why a particular smile makes someone sexy and why another doesn’t. It does not have anything to do with how genuine that smile is either.

Physicality aside, all that is nothing if the conversation is stilted and has my mind wandering. The reverse is also true, although less so. I have been exceedingly lucky in that, so far, most of my first meets have sparked and crackled, perfect meetings of mind and body. I have to say though, the real deal breaker for me is the voice.  That is not something  I seem to be able to get over, try as I might. It’s like hearing nails on a board at worst.

All this is my tastes, my preferences — this is something I want to emphasise.

The media, and therefore, society, seems to advocate a certain standard of beauty and sexiness. I say poo to that.  Discern for yourself what appeals to you. Don’t let anyone else dictate what you should or should not like. Love yourself and your body. Find out what turns you on, not what “experts” say should turn you on. Oh, and roll with it when that changes, because tastes do. I may like natural bodies now, but I’ve had a carefully manicured body under my hands and he was just as beautiful to me.

I, like you, am unique. I won’t appeal to all, and really, why would I want to?

¹ What are you? A dolphin? So sayeth that icon of malehood, Mr T.

² I know many men like a “clean workspace” but it desensitises me and leaves me numb. Plus: ew! It’s just a bit child-like, don’t you think?

³ To be perfectly honest, they are all a pleasure to caress.

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