New to the dating game? Unsure of the signals you should watch for?

We know that plucking up the courage to ask her out can be a nerve-wrecking experience, but it doesn’t have to be – as Gaynor tells us, in the latest edition of our Ask Gaynor series.

From figuring out if she’s into you to the importance of a winning smile, Gaynor is here to help you on your way to that all-important first date!

Remember, if you have a question for one of our experts or would like to share your own story with our members, get in touch – we want to hear from you!

The post How will you ever know? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Navigating the stages of a break-up can be hard and in stage one, it’s natural to feel as though things will never get better…

Toyboy dating expert, Gaynor is back with some advice on how bypass the desire to wallow and make sure your confidence doesn’t waver, in this episode of Ask Gaynor.

Helping you to realise the importance of taking some time for yourself, the power of a new pair of shoes and why (for women) ‘the sisterhood’ is so important during this period of your life.

If you’ve recently broken up with your partner or are in need of some feel-good guidance, this session is definitely worth a watch:

Remember, if you have a question for one of our experts or would like to share your own story with our members, get in touch – we want to hear from you!

The post The Break-Up Blues appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Gaynor is back with another Ask Gaynor session and this one is for you, Toyboys!

In this session, Gaynor talks about how to approach the all-important first date and explains why playing it cool isn’t doing you any favours, guys.

Ready to take a leap of faith, but want some expert advice to give you that final nudge? This one is definitely for you!

Remember, if you have a question for one of our experts, get in touch with us or in the comments and we’ll make sure your question gets answered!

The post When’s the right time to ask her on a first date? | Ask the Experts appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Okay all of you who have put your profile on some other social media network or on a dating site and found, after chatting to someone for a little while, that you’ve either been deleted or unmatched? If you have then you’ll either have that sinking feeling of pure rejection or you’ll just look at it and think ‘Okay, time to move on’.

Truth is regardless of how tough we are, there’s nothing worse than being rejected unless you’re the one doing the rejecting. It hits us hard and right in the heart. We start to question what it was we did or said wrong, to cause the uncoupling, and find ourselves going over the last few texts or messages analyzing – when the truth is they just moved on to someone else.

Its happened to me too. I was on a dating app swiping madly away when I got my match and straightaway we started to chat. The messages carried on over the next few days, then a couple of weeks then all of a sudden gone! I couldn’t figure out why and I couldn’t go back to my messages to check what I’d said either, so I was really bewildered as I’d believed we were getting on well – then it struck me. I had given him my number to call me and persuaded him to call as, I don’t know about you but I can’t be doing with messaging forever; I like to hear a person’s voice then meet soon after, otherwise what’s the point, but it was after that message that he deleted me. Obviously talking or meeting me was not part of the plan

Truth is there is never a really honest answer as to why someone would suddenly delete you unless:

1. they’re a scammer
2. they’re married (very likely)
3. they were also chatting to someone else who they preferred (very possible)

I think we can get too hung up on triviality, wasting our energy trying to work it out when quite simply it’s just human nature. The ones that are serious about meeting someone will meet and usually soon after chatting, if they get a good vibe, whilst the others that don’t are either serial daters or up to no good. The point here is not to waste your precious time – so many say in their profiles ‘life is too short’ and indeed it is.

I’ve known people perfectly healthy one minute then disabled overnight by a stroke and at one place I worked, someone didn’t come into work one morning and didn’t call in so as she was local they decided to pop round only to find that she’d dropped dead from an aneurism – so all time is precious time, don’t waste any of yours on past loves, the ones that were no good, the ones you just didn’t have any synergy with and especially those who deleted you.

We’ve become a throw away society where we can delete people at random or swipe them away to oblivion, we’ve become far more shallow, where looks count for much more than they ever used to and our requirements of the ‘perfect’ person grow by the day.

We have also become a more promiscuous society with porn available at the touch of a button. There’s no need to go into a shop, buy a magazine off the top shelf or sneak into a store having checked the surroundings before going in, getting our item and walking out again checking if there’s anyone around, our brown paper package tucked neatly under our arms. Now if we fancy a bit of naughtiness we only need to click on a website in the comfort of our own home and most of us at some point will do just that

The world is huge and it’s full of new and interesting people so why wouldn’t you want to put your efforts into meeting them? I’ve been single now for 8 years and in that time have had only short term relationships for various reasons, but I don’t dwell on them. I always look forward and remain optimistic that, one day, it will all come together, but I’m also perfectly okay with my own company so I’ll never force it either.

What works for one may not be right for another but the main thing is to remember that deletion and un-matching is never personal and you have to ask yourself , do you also worry about it as much when you’re busily deleting and un matching too? I doubt it so try remembering that, the next time it happens to you. There’s no way anyone could truly know you from a few messages, but one day someone will take the time and effort to do just that so waft the deletions away, smile to yourself and say ‘their loss’ and move on to more delicious things in life.

Take care and happy dating!!

Love Tanya x

The post Ask Tanya | ‘I’ve been deleted!’ appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

“How do I know if he’s genuinely interested in getting to know me?”

We know that some of the greatest relationships can blossom from something that started as purely physical, but sometimes you want to know exactly where you stand before agreeing to go on your first date. Unfortunately, without Derren Brown’s ability to read minds, we’re often left guessing and it can sometimes hold us back from going for that first drink and seeing what could be…

Gaynor is back and this time she’s helping you navigate the minefield of the online dating world, helping you to spot the signals and handle tricky conversations to help you determine whether he’s genuinely interested or focussed on the ‘end game’.

Don’t forget, if you have a question for any of our experts leave a comment or send us an email and we’ll make sure that they get answered!

The post Are they really into you or is it just about sex? | Ask the Experts appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

No doubt you’ll have spent your time scanning through the multitude of profiles appearing in your search box every week, but what is it that makes us stop and look and when we do what is we want to see?

Creating a profile can be one of the hardest things in the world, but it can also be one of the easiest depending how you approach it. Yes, the majority of us are drawn to people we fancy and despite what everyone says about that being shallow, it isn’t.

We are all drawn to different types so why are we penalised for it? Sure, there are men and women who will only consider tall dark and handsome or slim and beautiful from the perspective of being seen with someone everyone looks at, but that’s usually reserved for Hollywood. Even for the rest of us, looks do play a part when all you’ve got to go on is a photo. So, how do we create a profile someone will look at?

Where do you start?

First and foremost, remember this is about you, it is letting someone get to know you a little and giving them an idea as to whether you could be suited. For example, if you’re looking for a ‘friend with benefits’ and the profile states ‘looking for the love of my life’ it’s unlikely to work, so always be honest about what you’re looking for – it saves wasting everybody’s time

Writing about yourself can be really easy by merely giving a list of what you’re looking for, but that doesn’t really say a lot about you. However, lists can be good as a starting point. Write down what you like alongside what you don’t like about yourself , for example you may consider yourself a very generous person, but you can be really impatient with people who are always late – remember this is just a list, how you word it in your profile can be the difference between someone thinking you’re a clock watching impatient control freak to someone who merely likes being on time.

When you’ve compiled your list, put together the same for the qualities and attributes you admire and hope to find in the person you’re looking for and any deal breakers. By deal breakers I mean things you just wouldn’t be able to tolerate, for example smoking.

Once you’ve done this, you should see certain key points you’d like to tell people about yourself involving both positive and negative – though go easy on the negative, after all you are trying to find a date. Don’t scare them too much, but let them see you’re human. Don’t feel the need to go through everything you’ve listed, you can do that at a later date when you have made a connection, for now you just want to give a good overview. Below is an idea of the kind of thing I mean:

‘Hi, I’m a marketing manager working for a multi national company which specialises in beauty products, which I enjoy.

In my spare time I really love to spend my time outdoors whether that’s keeping fit by running or cycling or just enjoying the world around me on a long walk so whilst I enjoy staying in and watching a film on occasion, I’m not really much of a cosy night in kind of person.

I’m very much into health and fitness and would expect you to be too so not looking for a smoker or someone who doesn’t like to do any sport or fitness. I’m a very giving person, but as my work centres around deadlines I tend to find this follows through to my personal life so I’m always on time for everything and hope you’d be same – though I can be a flexible’

What this tells the reader is they are energetic and health conscious so straight away if you’re not into fitness, you smoke and like staying in its unlikely this will be a good match. On the other hand, if a relationship is not what you’re looking for, then quite simply say so:

‘Hi, before I go into too much detail, I need to say straight from the outset that I am not looking for a relationship, but looking for someone to have some fun with no strings attached. If this suits you, please read further’

Again, whilst we may not happy this is all they are looking for, it is honest and it is open – by being upfront it allows the reader to simply move on to the next.

Profile Pictures

Photos are pretty important but I’m amazed at how many people still rely on an old photo to draw people in! You’re not fooling anyone other than yourself. Deception is a pretty bad way to start any kind of relationship, though from what I’ve heard, some seem to think that after talking to each for some time, by the time they actually meet it won’t matter. It will!

Not only have you lied to them about a true photo, but what other lies have you told? That’s what I’d be thinking and quite frankly if I’d been speaking to someone for some time, arranged to meet and they turned out to be older and very different to what I expected, I would be pretty annoyed and probably wouldn’t stay and drive off!

The kind of photo you use will also determine who looks at your profile so guys in particular, think about what you want to be seen as. Putting a half naked,  jeans just covering your manhood photo may sit better in Playboy rather than a dating site, but again it depends who you are trying to attract. If you’re looking for a relationship then most of the ladies who are looking for that too will probably simply pass you by assuming, as the photo suggests, you are just looking for fun. Think about what and how you want to project yourself and who you want to attract.

Ladies the same goes for you, if your profile photo is of your cleavage more than your face, your message could be misconstrued and you might miss out on some amazing people unless of course you are looking to attract a more casual relationship.

The Specifics

Height, now that’s a contentious issue. It’s said most women like a tall man, but truth is most women just want someone to look up to – that doesn’t mean you have to be 6’6” unless of course the woman in question is perhaps 6’ 2”, the key thing here is don’t lie about it! If you’re 5’ 5” in your cotton socks, say so, as the love of your life may only be 5’ – height is not something you guys can hide unless of course you intend on wearing stacked Cuban heels on your date!!

Weight, another contentious issue. Now I’m not saying you need to list your actual weight in a profile, but if you are a few stone over, putting an older photo on when you were slimmer is not going to do you any favours if you decide to meet. Remember people want to see you for who you are and be with you because of that so why mislead? There will always be men who prefer a slimmer figure and those who want curves, so whatever you are embrace it because the same can be said for women who look for slender muscular types and those who prefer someone cuddly and rounded.

Always, always be true to yourself, what one person hates, another loves. We don’t need to be anyone except the person we are because we are all beautiful in our own special way and someone will be glad you are. The world is not perfect, so don’t try to be because you already are. There is someone out there for all of us and like you all I’m still looking too!

Take care and happy dating!!

Love Tanya x

The post Ask Tanya | What’s in a Profile? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

So, how are you all getting on? Christmas has been and gone and the New Year beckons, so we start to reflect on past events, look forward to new events, put our resolutions in place (which, of course, seem to only last the course of January, if indeed we make it until the end) and hope there’s someone alongside us to share them with – but if not, all is not lost.

Here are a few more of my tips for dating and relationship success:

5. ENJOY THE PRESENT

By this I’m referring to the present day not a gift; though gifts, of course, are always welcome

Over the years, I have seen friends go through breakups, meet new partners, go through breakups and meet new partners and so it goes on, but one of the things that never ceases to amaze me is how many of them are always looking too far ahead. I often hear:

‘I wonder where we’ll be in a years time?’

‘I wonder if we’ll still be together in 10 years?’

‘What if they find someone else?”

‘What if this doesn’t last and I’m on my own again!”

And so the list goes on and on and on. Not only are you boring your friends (trust me, whilst we are supportive, we don’t need him/her to be the subject every time we see you), but you’re putting undue pressure on the relationship instead of doing what you should be doing, which is enjoying it!

Very few things in our lives last a lifetime, so my philosophy has always been to enjoy the moment; because, if your mind is moving in fast forward, you could be missing some of the most memorable moments.

6. WHO PAYS?

I get asked this a lot and I have to say, I’ve also asked myself the same question – it’s a tricky one to answer, when the subject is money.

Traditionally, men always took charge of the wallet – women were taken out and the expectation was always that men paid. But if we look back, many women were unable to work or didn’t have the same earning capacity as men; there was no equality in terms of salaries and so it was only right for men to take charge of any dining and drinking costs.

However, times have changed and while there are many women earning considerable salaries, the divide still remains in many industries, where women work alongside men in the exact same job. The only difference today is no one talks about it!

There are no set rules when it comes to paying the bill – however, there still tend to be different trains of thought as to who should pick up the tab at the end of a date:

I’ve known women refuse to even consider opening their purse at the end of a date, considering it an honour for the man to have her company for the evening; women who point blank refuse to be paid for, arguing that it undermines their control and women who will quite happily go with the flow, not minding either way.

Personally, I have always offered – particularly if it’s a first meeting, as I get very embarrassed when the bill arrives. If it isn’t picked up within 30 seconds of being placed on the table, I quickly offer.

Many of my male friends say I should leave it, as the majority of men would automatically expect to pay and would be offended if a woman were to offer; but nevertheless, I always have thought it depends on the circumstances. I did go out with one gentleman who, on our second date, said he needed to get something out of the way; he would always expect to pay for the lady, so anything we did together he would pay, as that was how he’d been raised and hoped that I was okay with it. Was I okay with it? Absolutely! Contrary to the belief that all women are ‘takers’, I have on occasion been the one taken from, having offered to pay and the man accepting!

As a rule of thumb, if I have been invited out to dinner and if a man offers to pay, I’m happy to accept as he offered the invite. If I invite someone to dinner then I would offer and if it is our first meeting, I would offer to split the bill.

Now I cannot tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, I can only tell you of my thoughts and experiences so please don’t get into any restaurant arguments because of me! Haha, play nicely!

7. DRINKING

We all, or most of us, like a tipple and when it’s our first time dating our nerves can kick in, so we reach for the glass of wine to help calm us down but before we know it, a bottle has gone and we’re talking gibberish at best or embarrassing ourselves and our date at worst.

Ladies and gents, keep the levels down if you’re serious about dating and actually want to get to know the person sitting opposite. For me, there’s nothing worse than trying to have an intelligent conversation with someone who’s slurring or coming out with a string of innuendos.

I had a date once who was charming, he looked great, smelled great and I honestly thought I was in for a treat, an evening of looking into sexy eyes all the time wondering how I’d love to kiss those lips. We’d chatted on the phone numerous times, laughed, discussed world news and debated issues so I was really looking forward to the date.

He ordered the wine, we chatted and I sipped but noticed he took huge swallows from his glass and was forever topping up and by the time he ordered the second bottle, I had still only had a glass and half – most of still sitting in my glass! Consequently, he started to slur, make comments about how my dress fitted, how he’d often thought what I’d look like without the dress on and all those lovely images and thoughts I’d built up in my head were now being washed away with every word he said.

No longer did I see the charming, intelligent person I’d been speaking to every day, but a drunken, loud and problematic man and I so desperately wanted my evening to end so I could go home. When he almost fell when handed his coat my mind was made up – this was not someone for me. If he drank like this on a date, then how much did he drink on a regular basis?

I had no problem with someone enjoying a drink or even getting a little giggly, but this was a different matter and all I could see were problems ahead so needless to say I never saw him again – though he did apologise and put it down to nerves, but I didn’t want to take the chance.

So, if you really want to be seen in your best light, take it easy. A drink does help calm the nerves, but too many and your inhibitions fly out the window and you could miss the most exciting person in your life.

8. SEX?

There are no hard and fast rules as to when you should cross that line. In my last relationship, I sat for hours talking to my partner and we ended up in bed that night and stayed together for 7 years.  In another relationship we didn’t sleep together for weeks, so to be honest there are no rules and it just comes down to personal preference and how you feel at the time.

We’re all old enough and big enough to know our own minds and know how it may or may not affect things going forward. Nothing can beat chemistry between two people so whether you are happy with a possible one night stand or see it as the start of something great, you have to let her head rule on this one and read the signs.

Yes there are serial daters who date in the hope that every date will end in sex, there are those who prefer things to build up before it gets intimate and those that do have sex on the first proper date, but see more than just a one night stand (like me), but it is individual taste.

I am no judge and do not expect to be judged so don’t feel you can’t go with your emotions, but at the same time don’t ever feel pressured. It is your body, your mind and your control – only you can make the decision about any of it.

Happy New Year and happy dating!

Love Tanya x

The post Ask Tanya | Tips & Tricks: Dating Online… (Part 2) appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Whether you’re looking for an older woman or younger man, getting back into the dating game after a long-term relationship can be seriously daunting!

Toyboy Warehouse expert, Gaynor, is back to answer another of your questions. This time, she’s helping you get your confidence back following a break-up with a long term partner and is sharing her top tips for getting back into the online dating game.

So, whether you’re not sure whether a dating site or app is for you, or maybe you’re trying to get the nerve up to set your profile live, this is an ‘Ask Gaynor’ session not to be missed.

The post Ask the Experts | ‘Getting back in the game…’ appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Tips For Dating Success

I don’t doubt you’ll see time and time again tips to aid in the dating game, for finding and keeping that perfect partner and each time you’ll look back and think what a load of rubbish – or you might even think they were bloody good! So to add to all of those that have been and gone and to those yet to surface, here are a few of mine to start with – more to follow over the next couple of weeks, so stay tuned!

1. TIMING

When I talk about timing I’m not referring to the time you turn up for your date or indeed when you’re about to orgasm (although there’s another tricky one to answer haha!), no the timing I’m talking about is in your life. The time you take before you even enter the dating game.

Whether you’re a first timer, a divorcee getting back into the saddle (after god knows how many years of marriage), or are trying to find that element of trust in someone again, you should always take time to reflect and decide.

By that I mean not rushing into anything. I’ve known so many people who have been in a long term relationship and suddenly after many years waking up to the same person every day, feeling comfortable with life, have suddenly found themselves alone.

The routine they’d known for so many years now out of the window and the realization this is the way it’s going to be hits hard, though very dependent on circumstance, of course, but the worse thing you can do is hop straight into another relationship.

Most notably, men have a higher percentage rate for climbing straight into another relationship, along with women who have always relied upon other halves or those with children still at school. If we have been happy and content with sharing our lives, the disruption of that ideal can subconsciously have us seeking the next person to fill the void and, all too soon, the realization kicks in of jumping straight out of the frying pan and into the fire, proven also by the high level of second divorces!

When I divorced, I felt exactly the same. I’d married straight from home, hadn’t known a life without family or a husband and without really seeing it, I found myself looking at every man as a potential mate whenever I was out. We tend to crave what we’re missing and when it doesn’t materialise, we start to question ourselves; our looks, our ways, but it isn’t about any of that, it’s about getting back to being you.

I took a long hard look at everything and decided yes I could survive, yes I could build a home for one, yes I could change light bulbs and yes I could make important decisions. I also realized what I craved was the comfort, the closeness and I felt the only way I could feel that again was with a man, but actually, in truth, when I looked at it, I could get just as much comfort with my friends and family – knowing that made me stronger

I refocused my attention on friends and family, stopped looking at every man who walked into the bar and looked friends in the eye when they spoke, rather than looking past them. All in all, I took a good couple years of just being me before I ‘fell’ into any kind of relationship and by that time I was ready – no baggage, no hang ups and able to concentrate on the person I was with and not history.

So, what I’m trying to say is take time for yourself, get back to being just you, enjoy friends and family because when you’re ready you’ll know.

2. TICK LISTS

We all have them and whilst they may not be written down, they are there in our minds. Even more so when we use dating sites, as we only have photos and a short commentary to go on.

They say never judge a book by its cover, but sadly we do and why? Because we’re human and because our instincts allow us to. If only we were all stunningly beautiful or incredibly handsome, life would be perfect. Would it really? Would we truly be happy and what happens as we age? Youth disappears? What would we be wanting then?

Keep an open mind about everyone, take the time to discover, to listen, to understand and if it then doesn’t feel right, at least you gave it some time. If I’d stuck with my tick list, I never would have married the man I did and whilst we subsequently divorced 20 years later, I wouldn’t have changed that period of my life for the things I learnt about myself and others.

I still don’t have a tick list, albeit I do know what I don’t want rather than what I do want. Even that list is small, but very relative to the way I am and veers more to personality than looks, height, job, income, car – which so many of us use, but by all accounts it’s all so shallow and whilst may get you what you want initially, long-term it may not be as rewarding.

3. BE YOURSELF AND BE HONEST!

Seems a very simple and straightforward thing, but for so many it’s the hardest thing to be. To a degree, none of us are 100% who we are when we meet someone for the first time, by nature we are hesitant, apprehensive, secretive, which is all part and parcel of protecting ourselves.

Whilst we are unlikely to divulge how often we fart in bed or the fact we prefer to lick our dinner plates clean, honesty has to be the order of the day. Be honest about questions you’re asked, though there is a rule of thumb to use as to how personal these questions should be. Divulge enough to give a broad impression as to the type of person you are and how you could fit in with them, but being asked or being told they have toilet issues is really not what I mean, nor indeed is the fact your fertility years are waning and you need a father for your children fast!

Honesty also applies as to what you expect to come out of a relationship. If you’re not looking for anything serious and just companionship say so, if you’re looking for a one night stand, be clear or if it’s a long term relationship which may lead to marriage, make sure its what they’re after too. It’s no good looking for marriage material and then meeting someone who only wants sex, because no matter how hard you try, you probably will never change their mind!

I sometimes look at profiles on Toyboy Warehouse as to their honesty, but I find it a little confusing when they list ‘a relationship’ but also list ‘a fling’. Be clear so others can be too, though dating profiles and what we say are a whole different ball game and one we’ll cover another day haha!

4. BE KIND

By this I mean be kind to yourself. Love what and who you are. Don’t become a harsh critic of yourself, because you’re heavier than you should be, you’re not pretty, you’re not as intelligent as your friends, you didn’t go to university or you’ve got children. If you put barriers up, it’s going to be hard for the other person to bring them down. If you don’t like yourself, how do you expect someone else to?

We give out vibes when we meet people, our aura surrounds us, we emit messages. If you think you’re too fat for example, subconsciously you’ll be rounding your shoulders, folding your arms, trying to curl up hoping they won’t notice, but by doing these things you probably draw more attention.

If you stand tall, walk confidently, the first thing your date will see is you, your smile and the way you hold yourself as the confident person you are. If you’re not happy with your shape, you can change it, but always only do it for yourself. If you are, stand proud, and show the world who you are.

When you get up in the morning, look in that mirror and say good morning. Say hello to yourself, smile at yourself and you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel and what a difference it makes when you walk out of the door. How many times does a dating advert say ‘looking for someone who is happy with themselves’. Be happy, then those around you are happy, be miserable and those around will walk away. Be you and be true.

–

Look out for more tips coming soon, but if these do fall into your ‘rubbish’ bin then have fun reading anyway haha!!

Take care and happy dating!!

Love Tanya x

The post Ask Tanya | Tips & Tricks: Dating Online… appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Wondering whether you’re the only one in his life, but too scared to ask?

Toyboy dating expert, Gaynor is back and answering another of your questions. This time we’re delving into the minefield that is ‘exclusivity’ and Gaynor’s sharing her words of wisdom on when a relationship becomes exclusive and how to broach the subject without sending the other person running for the hills!

Don’t forget – if you have a question for any of our experts, let us know by commenting on the blog or get in touch with us! x

The post ‘Are we exclusive?’ appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.